Things that probably should have been left unsaid.

 

Under the weather

Unfortunately, my depression has decided to show back up, crushing my spirit and sucking every last happy thought right out of my skull. Oddly, as horrific as depression is, I'm still not receiving commands from my gun collection to fellate a muzzle and play fast and loose with the Four Rules. My mini-arsenal is so disappointing. In an amazing twist of irony, the same brain that decided life sucks and that I should just mope around like an angst ridden teenager apparently has decided that a migraine would hammer the point home. Instead, I'm battling the nausea and pain and...

Fun with modern dentistry

So I just had a tooth fixed, finally, which is of great relief to myself. I literally sheared a tooth on the side and the little crack would collect food like a squirrel harvesting nuts for the winter. It sucked having to tote around floss all the time. Anywho, today was the day to get it fixed. My appt. was at 5, which was nice since I didn't have to take any time off and didn't have to rush all the way home (I work 45 minutes away from where I live). I didn't get taken back until 5:45, but...

Three shy

Gah! Just weighed myself at Publix. I'm 3 pounds short of my all time record of 218 pounds. Still, being 6'3", 215 isn't a bad weight. But it's kind of scary from the 205 I was before Thanksgiving.

Well, you've certainly come to the right place!

From a recent search query to SaaM However, unfortunately I'm a prude and I shan't show you.

A true work of art

So, I'm relaxing in the ladies' room, 'dropping off some friends at the community pool' when I hear the main door slam open, followed by hurried footsteps. I know this sound. It is the sound of a man who is five seconds from needing a shower and a clean set of boxers. Oddly, mixed in with the sounds of discomfort and unbuckling pants is a slight, beeping noise. A familiar sound. One of a cellphone dialing a number. The man in stall #1 actually made a phone call during a bout of explosive diarrhea. His "Hey, how are you doin'?" and...

It's official!!!

The doctor confirmed it – I’m now half the man I used to be!!!* Oh happy day!

The vasectomy tomorrow will not be live-blogged

Which I'm sure all of you will be very happy about. But this is more due to the fact that (a) they don't have WiFi at the doc's office and (b) even if they did it would require a laptop. And since my lap will be a little inconvenient place to put anything during the procedure..... Despair not, though. I'll keep mental notes for later posting. *This post actually forced me to make a new category – TMI. Enjoy!

My first and quite possibly last post about my penis.

I love my penis. We've been through a lot together. We’ve had our ups and downs, and being that his eyesight isn’t as good as mine, we’ve had quite a few disagreements as to exactly where he should venture. I regret that he’s managed to slip me a beer or two and win some of those arguments. Anyway, my wife and I seem to be blessed with a high degree of fertility. After my second daughter, it has come to my attention that it would be best if my penis wasn’t quite the sharpshooter he’s been all these years. My first...