This may come as a shock to many of you, but after years and years of stories of unnecessary and needless violence, I've finally changed my stance. Too many lives have been lost for me to continue to believe in some mythical right to own things that are devastating our children and our communities.

I hope you will all open your minds and realize why I made the choice that I did. So, without further adieu, please welcome my full support and membership into The Brady Campaign to Prevent Gnu Violence

History

On March 30^th, 1981, John Hinckley Jr. attempted to assassinate Ronald Reagan with the use of an assault-gnu, wounding three others in the process. One of these was no other than James Brady, who was grievously injured and confined to a wheel chair for the rest of his life. It was this seminal event that pushed the gnu control agenda into the spotlight.

Prevalence in society

Millions of times a year, gnus are used in crimes and murders across the nation. Recent statistics from the FBI, the Joyce Foundation, and WPC (the Wildebeest Prevention Center) indicate that there are nearly 9 gnus for every American citizen. That's over two hundred and seventy million gnus floating around.

Every day, we hear tragic stories of children, sometimes as young as 19, killed after finding fully loaded gnus in their parent's bedrooms. Inner city gangs terrorize neighborhoods with high powered 'assault-gnus'. The sheer number of stories of police men, taken in the prime of their life by someone with an illegal gnu, boggles the mind.

Even scarier are the endless stories of "community gnus". So called "zoos" will often have gnus on display where even small children have easy access. Sometimes, these gnus are passed around from one "zoo" to another.

Gnus in popular culture

Children are especially threatened by gnus. Such groups as the NBA (National Bovidae Association) often attempt to make gnus appear to be less threatening or dangerous.

Children are lulled into a sense of safety around such shows where they're indoctrinated to believe that gnus are somehow safe to be around. Instead of teaching children to avoid gnus at all cost, they make light of the detriment that gnus cause on our society.

The NBA often cites their "Gary Gnu" program as a way to teach children how to be safe and avoid contact with gnus, but the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gnu Violence has proven, time and time again, that this is nothing more than a cynical plot to pique children's interests in the dangerous world of gnus.

The hidden lethality

Gnus have one purpose and one purpose only - killing. Many sporting advocates claim that their hobby is safe and that a gnu in their holster poses no threat to society at large. I disagree. With more and more people carrying concealed gnus, the chances of a wild west stampede go up exponentially. An arms race is on with the police having to purchase even more powerful military style patrol gnus to combat the ever prevalent Tommy Gnus that are popular with criminals.

Even a diminutive hand-gnu has enough power to kill. The multi-billion dollar gnu industry continues to design ever more lethal gnus to flood society with without regard to the damage they are causing. In fact, last year saw one of the greatest increases in sales of the .50 BMG (Bovidae Moo Gnus), recently only available to the military for taking out passenger aircraft.

Do we really need this kind of power in the hands of ordinary, untrained citizens?

Gnu buy back programs

Gnu buy back programs have been very successful in many cities across the nation. Generally, tax payer funded programs will offer $50 to $250 for gnus in any condition. These gnus are often taken to a plant where they can be melted down and turned into useful items like coffee tables or burgers for the homeless.

In closing

All, gnus and the culture they represent are a threat to our way of life. There is no constitutional right to own a gnu outside of some sort of state sanctioned, zoological militia. Most people who own gnus are compensating for something - "All Hat, No Cattle", so to speak or have ego issues.

I hope you will join me in supporting the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gnu violence. If we can keep gnus off the street and save just one life, it will be worth it.