The 2008 election conundrum

This election year, for me, will be one of the most difficult choices I make in my voting history. Let me explain why.

First off, I want Barack Barack Bo Barrack Fee Fi Fo Ferrick Obama nowhere near the white house. Not because he's black, but because the only experience he has is of the Chicago Political Machine type as well as his near-socialist agenda of universal health care, raising taxes, etc.

The problem is that in order to keep Barack Zippidy-Doo-Dah Obama away from the oval office I would have to cast my vote for John McCain, the Senator from CBS. Electing John McCain spells doom for the conservative movement. I'm tired of voting for Bush-Like Shit Sandwiches simply because the Democrats are so damned awful. If the Republicans want my vote, they have to earn it and that's never going to happen until they get their ass in gear and start remembering why conservatives used to vote for them in the first place, and that ain't gonna fly until the bastards spend another 30 years in the minority. Putting Johnny Mac in the office only assures us that the GOP no longer feels it needs to be anything but slightly better than the Dems to gain power.

McCain is better on gun rights than Barack Mott The Hoople Obama. McCain is far from decent on them, but he's better than his opponent by a mile, and that is VERY important to me. McCain won't do much more on the WoT than President Fumbletongue is right now, but again, it's leaps and bounds beyond anything Barack Full House Obama has indicated he will do, and that too is a sticking point for me.

But, that's still not enough to ease my conscious. You see, already I can tell that Barack Pump Up The Jam Obama has momentum going into this election. Everywhere I look I see bumper stickers like "Women for Obama", "Hispanics for Obama", or "Cross Dressing, Blind Taxidermists for Obama". I see his logo on posters on buildings. He's got a following that is going to be hard to overcome, regardless if he's caught on live TV pouring used motor oil over a spotted tree owl's nest, setting it afire, all while wiping his ass with the actual U.S. Constitution which he stole using the same method as Nicolas Cage in National Treasure.

McCain? Not a single poster, road sign, bumper sticker, or anything. And even the die hard Republicans I know aren't happy about the choice.

So, if you can't even get your core to be enthusiastic about you, you're not going to get good campaigning. And John McCain (who, let's face it, might as well wipe his ass with the constitution) so far has shown he isn't worth shit when it comes to campaigning. Add onto that the fact that he's not shown any interest in getting a halfway decent VP, you've got nothing worth pulling the lever for except the threat of Barack I Love My Daughter More Than You Love Your Gun Obama and things don't look good for him.

So, my dilemma.

If McCain can win, I'd prefer to see him in as POTUS. Whoever wins, the next 4 to 8 years are guaranteed to be nothing but an uphill battle. I think that McCain would make for less fighting than Barack Timmy, have you ever seen a grown man naked? Obama and that the reserved energy could be put to use trying to shape the GOP back up. But that's assuming McCain feels like he has a shot. Because the worst of all cases would be McCain losing by razor thin margins.

A slim loss by McCain would have the same drawbacks as him winning - i.e. the GOP would think running a Democrat-Lite was a winning strategy but that they just didn't try hard enough. We'd get the same shit sandwich offered to us again the next go around and we'd still get at least 4 years of Barack Who Ya Gonna Call Obama.

If McCain loses, he needs to lose big. I mean so big that both Mondale and Dukakis call him the next day to laugh at him. The RINOs need to be expelled from the ranks, and a walloping is the only way to indicate their presence will no longer be tolerated.

So, McCain's campaign and choice for VP will help me decide. If I think he can win and win big, he gets my vote. Otherwise, I'm writing in Fred Thompson and stocking up on ammo for the Hope and Change that will be President Barrack Death of a Salesman Obama.

rolled out on Friday, June 20, 2008 1:10 PM