This isn't Pants Shitting Hysterics - It's Depends Shitting Hysterics

But the alert Wi-Fi major in the sixth row, whom everyone knows by the nickname "Guns," is sure that the doorway figure fits the profile of a campus killer and isn't about to sit there and be murdered without a fight. Guns instantly draws his legal 9-millimeter Beretta and begins blasting away.

The gunfire arouses the instincts of others in the class, and they, similarly, draw their permit-allowed weapons ranging from handguns to shoulder-mounted rocket launchers and join the fun. One student throws a flash/stun grenade.

There is chaos as the lecture hall turns into a battleground of crossfire, smoke and explosions, and when the battle stops, the only one standing is the lecturer, who is behind a bulletproof lectern. After a moment he continues his talk about the trail-blazing animated hungry ball that captured the attention of the world by eating electronic blips.

Because that is generally what happens with us gunnies. You read it a dozen times a day where a person who has a concealed weapon mistakenly shoots innocents and entire gun battles ensue, right?

No? Maybe because that's not what happens, you doddering old fool. In fact, if you want innocent people being shot with guns on a regular basis, I suggest you read the police blotter and find out how many they tend to drop by accident.

I fell into the nightmare after reading that 12 states are considering bills that would allow people with concealed-weapons permits to carry handguns on the campuses of public universities. The revelation came after the deadly shooting at Northern Illinois University. The prospect has stirred online support and is causing gun merchants to drool over the prospects of increased sales.

Well, you old fart, did you ever stop to think that people with concealed permits already own guns? Or do you think there are millions of college kids with permits that simply never thought about actually having a firearm?

I was so terrified at the notion of giving guns to kids who can't figure out where their next class is that on a night when the rain was falling and the wind blowing, I had another nightmare.

Those kids you're talking about don't have permits. Those who have the wherewithal to go through the process of getting a CCW are generally much more level headed people. They're also overwhelmingly more law abiding.

Another thing that's seems to have escaped your graying head is that people who prefer to take on the responsibility for their own protection are people who are much more likely to pay attention to their surroundings and not just start shooting someone because of the way they look. It's pretty easy to prove. Just go find hundreds of stories about CCW holders shooting people like this. When you can't find more than a handful, you'll see why your nightmare scenario is just that - a stupid dream that won't come true.

I awoke from the nightmare both pondering the possibilities and writhing from the very notion of kids with guns. But then I finally calmed down, comforted by the fact that it was only a bad dream and not a reality.

At least not yet.

What's a true nightmare is that these young adults have people like you as teachers. As a former Marine, you should know that Uncle Sam gives these same "kids" M-16s and the training needed to handle them. Those with CCWs have training too.

This man needs a fresh pair of adult diapers... Sheesh.

Hat Tip Bree-duh, not Bray-duh