Dear Glock,

I recently purchased a 10mm Glock 29 and I am sad to say that your reputation for producing "quality firearms" is undeserved. Since my purchase, your firearm has completely failed to live up to its promise.

I have been told time and time again that easy access to firearms is the number one cause of violent crime in today's society. Well, being a concealed weapons permit holder, your so called 'gun' is always within reach and to this day, I've yet to shoot anyone over a parking space. Why just this morning, some jackass decided to cut me off on the highway. The way the newspapers make it seem, a quality firearm would have leaped out of my holster and immediate put several rounds in said jackass' fender block. This did not happen.

Also, I've noticed that when I go shopping, your 'sidearm' completely fails to open fire on innocent bystanders. To this date, I have not experienced a single "accidental discharge" that has maimed or killed a nun holding a newborn infant.

Over and over again we are informed on how carrying a weapon makes even cloistered priests violent, snarling beasts. I can't manage anything more than a polite smile and a "hi" when I greet others.

I have been assured repeatedly by the Brady Campaign, The New York Times, and various anti-gun sites that simply owning a firearm makes one a killer and here I sit without even so much as a speeding ticket to my name. I couldn't even muster up enough rage to pull my weapon and point it at the loud patron who sat behind me at a concert, singing off key to get him to shut up.

I am totally dissatisfied with your weapon. It's almost like everything we're told by the media about guns and gun control is a lie, but I know it's really just a defective pistol I bought.

Sincerely,

Sharp as a Marble