So, I'm relaxing in the ladies' room, 'dropping off some friends at the community pool' when I hear the main door slam open, followed by hurried footsteps. I know this sound. It is the sound of a man who is five seconds from needing a shower and a clean set of boxers.

Oddly, mixed in with the sounds of discomfort and unbuckling pants is a slight, beeping noise. A familiar sound. One of a cellphone dialing a number.

The man in stall #1 actually made a phone call during a bout of explosive diarrhea. His "Hey, how are you doin'?" and "How is so and so?" was punctuated by grunts and some sounds I simply cannot describe without violating some decency law somewhere. He carried on a full conversation while doing his business, not caring one whit about the situation.

Then, someone else walks in to take a leak. Cellphone guy actually had to speak up over the, umm.. "noise" and said "I'm sorry. What did you say? I can't hear you real good hold on a second" and when Guy #2 was done doing #1, he said "Ok, now I can hear you".

I made sure I took a bit longer than necessary to avoid seeing him washing up lest I bust a rib laughing.