From Dave at Garfield Ridge regarding Paris Hilton's DUI arrest

"I had one margarita (and) was starving because I had not eaten all day," she said. "Maybe I was speeding a little bit and I got pulled over. I was just really hungry and I wanted to have an In-N-Out Burger."

No, sweetheart.  You were starving because you had not eaten all month.  Splenda packets and semen are NOT considered a nutritious breakfast.  You have to add some bacon to that or something.

People at work think I'm nuts for laughing so hard. Well, that's one of the reasons they think I'm nuts.