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So, recently I overheard about someone who made the lethal error of asking a woman when she was due. The punchline, of course, is that she wasn’t pregnant.

Let’s open the Men’s Rulebook to Chapter 17 – Talking to women you have no intention of having sex with.

Question #12,720 – She looks pregnant. Should I ask her about her due date?

This question is a loaded gun and it is not safe to look down that barrel with your finger pressing on the trigger. No matter how sure you are that she is pregnant, she may not be.

There are only two times when it is safe to ask a woman about her pregnancy.

  • She is wearing a t-shirt or carrying a large, well lit sign that says “Yes, I am pregnant and you can ask me when I am due”
  • She is in active labor and you can clearly see the head crowning. Without visual confirmation of said baby, she may just be having severe gas pains.

Even then, it is probably best you simply avoid any mention of her condition and switch the conversation to something safer, say “Sports” or “Lite-Beer”.

rolled out on Monday, August 14, 2006 12:13 PM
Comments
# re: In case you've misplaced your "Men's Rulebook" - tee bee

Rolled Out On: 8/14/2006 1:00 PM

Whoo, baby. I - a woman who should and does know better - made this mistake, so I offer my experience as an addendum to help others avoid getting snared on this one:

A co-worker started wearing maternity-style shirts. Every day. For several weeks. I asked around, but nobody was sure she was pregnant.

One day I stopped by her desk to ask for help on something. Another woman stopped and chatted for a moment, then the co-worker of questionable status made some remark that I took to be a reference to being newly pregnant.

I can't for the life of me remember what it was (mostly because shame kicked in about a minute later and my mind has blacked out the unfortunate moment of realization), but the moral is: Unless she says "I'm pregnant! With a baby!" do not, DO NOT acknowledge any such references!

I blame our metaphor-fraught language. If the mistake had been over sex or anatomy, everyone would have thought it was hysterical. But no, the co-worker wasn't very chummy with me after this.

# re: In case you've misplaced your "Men's Rulebook" - Keith

Rolled Out On: 8/14/2006 1:29 PM

Who hasn't had this hammered into their brains yet? Criminy. NEVER say anything about pregnancy unless you see an actual baby emerging from her.

Fundamentals, people!

# re: In case you've misplaced your "Men's Rulebook" - Hoodlumman

Rolled Out On: 8/15/2006 9:17 AM

C'mon now. Some women are as slender as can be but have this... huge medicine ball attached to their stomach. Now, unless they have a 20lb in operable tumor, ask them when it's due. Go on. It's safe.

If it is a tumor, explain to her that you mean the due date for it's scheduled removal.

Perfect cover.

# re: In case you've misplaced your "Men's Rulebook" - Rob

Rolled Out On: 8/15/2006 6:57 PM

I was on a call for a woman with abdominal pains. She said she had an abdominal tumor. Her husband agreed. I kept asking "Are you sure you're not pregnant?" Everyone thought I was crazy. I told the medic command physician what she said and what I thought. She thought I was crazy. The nurses and doctors at the hospital thought I was crazy.

Everyone thought I was crazy until she delivered the baby boy.

I've always wondered if she hadn't delivered if I'd have wound up in a psych ward...

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