As a father of two small children, when birthdays roll around the question of “What should I get your kid?” is inevitable. Usually the parents have a list of what to get their rugrats handy. Of course, if you’re (a) forgetful, (b) a procrastinator or (c) male, it’s usually the day before the party when it hits you that you’ll need to buy a gift.

If you are at a loss or completely out of ideas, here’s something that every child needs, regardless of gender or age – A pack of batteries. Seriously. Go buy a big whomping variety pack of batteries. Kids get all kinds of electronic doo dads these days. Those that magically come with batteries usually die within the first 20 minutes. Those that don’t come with batteries always require 1 more than you have of the kind you don’t normally keep handy (D cells? Who the @$%(! uses D Cells these days?).

If you’re not impressed with batteries, then buy the parents a nice set of wire cutters / dikes. They’ll need them to get the [censored] toys out of the [censored] package!!!!