Rolled Out On: 12/16/2005 5:29 PM

Robb,

As someone suffering from depression (and some combination of anxiety, PTSD, and who knows what else) I just want to give you a word of encouragement. It's hard to explain to others that you can't just "think" your way through this stuff by willpower.

Medication for this isn't all that different from medication for being a diabetic. I just wish the medication for depression worked for me.

If side effects are part of the reason for you going off the medicine, give me an email ( u n s p a c e [ a t ] u n s p a c e [ d o t ] n e t ). There are things you can do (first of which being, try a new medication!).

I'll keep your link warm and be waiting for you to return.

Rob

Rolled Out On: 12/16/2005 5:50 PM

Hang in there and keep your faith in the future. What often seems unsupportable now changes over time. This is how you currently feel, but it is NOT how you will always feel. And keep you eye out for humor and kindness.

Good luck.

Rolled Out On: 12/16/2005 6:46 PM

I was really sorry to hear about your panic attacks.

I do know a fair amount about Lexapro and before you mentioned it in your post, I instantly thought that would be the next best medication for you. I hope it helps more than Paxil.

I always enjoy stopping by your blog. I look forward to future good stuff...

Rolled Out On: 12/16/2005 10:31 PM

Monica,

I am not in my teens. I've been a Marine, I've ran my own business, I've both succeeded and failed in many things in life. Depression at my level isn't about seeking simple pleasures in life and not getting them. It is a condition of my brain where the chemical imbalance prevents me from feeling joy.

There is a mistake that you can simply 'think' yourself out of depression. There is also a bad misconception that drugs are a panacea. It takes a little of both.

Already in three days I am feeling better, if not a little on the groggy side. That will pass in time and I will be myself before I know it. To borrow a phrase from a book, there will be water if God wills it. But for the time, I have to concentrate, take it easy, and prevent myself from getting too worked up.

Thanks for all the kind words from all. It's nice to know there are others out there who care.

Rolled Out On: 12/17/2005 1:02 AM

Probably shouldn't read my comment until after you've had your break, but...

...don't worry about the readership. It'll come back. All 10 of us.

Just make sure that if you see any little pink Christina Aguilera spider monsters, be sure to contact your friendly physician. If you DO start seeing them, I am sure that he (she?) would like to know. Doesn't count if you've been hitting the homebrew, however.

Rolled Out On: 12/17/2005 1:32 PM

I too kicked the Paxil habit. Toughest thing I've ever done. I salute your effort.

A suggestion that works for me: Ask you doctor for a beta-blocker. Inderol (propranolol I think is the generic name) or something like that. 30-10mg tables cost all of $9. When you feel like you're going to have one of "those" days, take one in the morning. It takes the edge off (for me at least) and stops the snowball effect of the attack. Takes about 20 minutes to work.

Rolled Out On: 12/19/2005 2:42 PM

You are NOT getting rid of us that easily.

Rolled Out On: 12/19/2005 3:46 PM

Do what you need to do to enjoy your wife and your children's joy, my friend. We will be here!

Rolled Out On: 12/19/2005 8:34 PM

Actually Keith, it's YOU who aren't getting rid of ME that easily.

The Lexapro is kicking in already.....

Rolled Out On: 12/20/2005 8:38 AM

[Homer voice] Mmmm...Lexapro....araahghahgh! [/Homer voice]

Rolled Out On: 12/20/2005 4:12 PM

Damn, Jarhead! You're my hero. It takes a lotta heart and guts to address it and find what works. Don't take too long 'cause we'll need Mr. Sharps and get cranky, but we've got yer back in the meantime. Just send up a flare when you're around and we'll hustle over for a catch-up visit. You da man.

Rolled Out On: 12/23/2005 11:53 AM

I've been on Lexapro since early October, for anxiety attacks. Honestly, that stuff worked wonders. It only took 3 or 4 days before I could feel its effects.

I'll go off it once I get my restaurant open and won't be as panicked :)

Rolled Out On: 12/23/2005 3:04 PM

Yeah, Steve, I've already felt the improvements. I think my brain just isn't able to regulate serotonin and was ready for any help it could get. Still a few panic attacks here and there, but nothing long term like the first few days.

I'm thinking of opening my own, full time business and I can't imagine how much stress that would put on me and my family and I wonder if my noggin could handle it...

Rolled Out On: 12/25/2005 11:17 AM

I've suffered from chronic depression since my teens, and I'm in my mid-Fifties now. Have been on a variety of SSRI's over the last 12 years and they have dramatically improved my life. I too struggled with

"the thought of drugging myself into ‘normality’." "But [like you] I have to look at it as no different than a man with no legs having to use a wheelchair. I can’t consciously control the way my brain synapses fire or how I produce seratonin, melatonin, etc."

In my experience there's nothing worse than the "overwhelming depression" you describe. I take a heavy duty anti-depressant, effexor, in a heavy duty dose, and the wonderful thing is that I'm fully functional with it.

I know PA's are different from depression, and I HATED paxil the brief time I was in it, but there may be something else out there that could help you. I respectfully suggest talking to your doc about alternatives to paxil.

Above all, understand you're not alone in this. I recommend "An Unquiet Mind : A Memoir of Moods and Madness (Vintage) (Paperback) by Kay Redfield Jamison"

Rolled Out On: 12/16/2005 4:13 PM

I am really sorry you are going through all this. It does seem you shouldn't need medication just to get through your days. It must be really hard.

One thing that I wonder is, is it normal to feel great all the time? Maybe you need to give yourself permission to feel depressed once in a while, to feel tired, to feel anxious.

All of my nieces have been on anti-depressants since their teens and I can't support it. My reason is that they will not learn to deal with the normal highs and lows of life. Continually feeling ok will be the only normal feeling they have. And I don't think that's a reasonable expectation.

I guess what I'm saying is, it's ok not to be happy all the time.

"To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven. . .A time to break down and a time to build up, a t ime to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn, and a time to dance. . ." (Ecclesiastes ch. 3).