Rolled Out On: 9/26/2005 2:25 PM

Dear Sharp,
Lexipro has reduced the symptoms of depression for me, but I don't know what they would do for panic attacks. Those were less of a problem. Anyway, you're in my prayers for today. Having a few people to talk to (about the real stuff) usually helped me get beyond the pressures that induced the attacks. I think a lot of people care about you. Take a deep breath and have a cup of herbal tea. Blessing,

HCT

Rolled Out On: 9/26/2005 3:04 PM

Thanks. The best help was Time. Just had to wait for it all to go by. Did it without any meds and I'm glad I did because otherwise, I'd be sitting here all groggy.

I don't have problems with depression. Mania was always my issue, which I have to admit isn't the worst thing in the world to suffer through (if you considered being so happy you just wanted hug everyone who walks by you as 'suffering').

Anxiety sucks, though. And although I'm happy to be off the Paxil, I just have to come to terms with the fact that I'm probably going to suffer anxiety for the rest of my life. Days like today don't come that often, nor does it last more than a few hours, so I'm thankful for that.

I appreciate the prayers.

Rolled Out On: 9/26/2005 3:59 PM

OK, here are some basic questions:

1. Why are you afraid of dying?
2. Have you provided for your family in the event of your death?
3. Why do racing thoughts cause you such anxiety?
4. Why are you resigned to a lifetime of anxierty?

Rolled Out On: 9/26/2005 8:36 PM

At first I thought BJC was going to sell you insurance, then I thought about #4. Things can change, our bodies do throughout our lives (that's my excuse for the extra padding, which used to drop off if I looked at it hard enough - not anymore).

Is there much significant research into how people develop with this over time, and what you can expect?

Rolled Out On: 9/27/2005 8:03 AM

BJC,

1. Because my death would leave my daughters without a father and my wife without a husband. As far as me dying, I believe there are 2 possibilities, both of which I have no problem with. Either there is a God in heaven, in which case that's not a bad deal, or there is absolutely nothing - another case in which I find solace. Ceasing to exist isn't scary to me.

2. Almost. Really need to get those wills completed, but insurance wise, my family is taken care of for a few years.

3. Because I cannot control racing thoughts. It's not a comfortable feeling to lose a little control over your mind. When I had full blown panic attacks, it was near impossible to control my own brain and during the first few days of them, I had suicidal tendencies.

This is a chemical imbalance in my brain, not a lack of willpower. I cannot just sit there and 'think' my way through them. What I can do, and have done, is train my body to relax the best it can and do what I need to ensure I don't make the attack worse than it is. The medications helped my body learn. I'm thankful for them for that. But now, it's time for me to do without the meds.

4. Because naturally people get better over time. Accepting what is wrong with my brain allows me to focus on getting better. If not, well then it's something I'll have to deal with. Better to be prepared.

tee bee, I don't know what to expect. I do know that going to the psychiatrist isn't worth my time because all they do is shovel prescriptions down your throat. But, over time my body will change. Who knows if it will be for better or worse?

Rolled Out On: 9/27/2005 2:52 PM

1a. I hate to sound cold-hearted, but unless your family lives in total isolation, family, friends, etc. will step forward to help fill the gap...and there is that dread concept:remarriage.

1b. You didn't mention whether you have assurance that you will be welcomed into Heaven upon your death.

2. OK, then that addresses the practical side of things, which should allay some of your fear.

3. Has control always been a subtext of your life? Related to my reply to 1b, having access to spiritual resources outside yourself would be a great benefit to your situation.

4. May i make a suggestion?...ok, then, here goes! Consider racing thoughts as similar to racing scenery viewed from a train. You don't try to focus on every image flashing past your eyes; you just enjoy the ride. Your thoughts are mental scenery you needn't control, but rather you learn to allow them to flow past your inner eye. Just let the good thoughts roll. Perhaps its a matter of perspective rather than the problem you've created for yourself by trying to control what in truth cannot be controlled, like birds flying over your head.

For someone focused on control, letting go can be a habit as difficult to break as smoking or drug use. Take it minute by minute and allow for slippage. You might inventory the rest of your life to see for other concrete issues offering more visible evidence of control. Concentrating efforts in those areas will also offer more visible rewards of success.

DISCLAIMER: The above does not constitute professional advice and should not be construed to be such. No guarantee of success is promised or implied.

I hate living in a litigious world!

P.S. The only life insurance I would purport to present has no premium, as the total cost has been paid by the issuing party.This policy offers free spiritual life assurance, provided you approach the parent company via the right agent.

Rolled Out On: 9/27/2005 3:55 PM

BJC, I'm afraid you're mistaken on what panic attacks are. Panic attacks are caused by a CHEMICAL IMBALANCE in the brain. Just like someone who has palsy cannot control their hands shaking, during an attack there is no way to easily control how I perceive my thoughts. Perspective is something I don't have a luxury of during a PA. And it's not a willpower issue.

As far as my 'control' issue, you're conflating control of my life or things around me with control of my thoughts. I'm the most reactive person you'll find because I've learned throughout life that shit happens, and when it does it's best to be able to react to reality rather than maintain a rigid view. Many times, this means giving up control of something. I constantly get onto my wife for the times she gets mad about things that are totally beyond her control.

Trying to control my thoughts is a matter of survival, not pride. Racing thoughts have brought on suicidal thoughts before, and I don't want that ever happening again. 'Letting loose' is the worst thing you can do because Panic Attacks can be lethal.

Rolled Out On: 9/28/2005 12:33 PM

Fish oil. No, I'm serious. Google it. And then buy and take it.

No really, I'm serious. No Paxil should touch your lips before fish oil.

Rolled Out On: 9/29/2005 4:34 PM

Hi there....

Your symptoms are so much like what I have experienced over the years. Finally, about one year ago, I was given a prescription for a mild dosage of Lexapro. But, the real blessing came from Lamictal. This drug is acually used to curb seizures; however, it is being used more and more as a mood stabiizer. I still experience the emotions, but I am able now to approach everything with greater calmness and apply logic.

In January I decided that I had overcome many life hurdles and could therefore abandon the meds and rely upon my good ole brain. Yeah, right. Things were fine for a couple of months, then I was back into over-reacting, having extreme highs and extreme lows, being panic-stricken and more. A friend told me to get my butt back to the doctor and now I am back on my regimen. I feel so much better equipped to handle the challenges of life.

Something to consider.......