Crawford Tx. – Thousands of people gathered today to try to catch a glimpse of a grilled cheese sandwich that supposedly sported the likeness of Mother Sheehan, the Patron Saint of Left Causes. Mrs. Sheehan is grieving her lost son Casey, who was killed in combat after apparently being forced to volunteer for military duty, and currently camping near President Bush’s vacation ranch to protest the war. 
Mrs. Sheehan was recently bestowed the highest honor the Left can give: Victim.
“There’ve been rumors of Mother Sheehan’s apparition showing up on the sides of insurance buildings and even around leaky cracks beneath over passes, “ said one Chairman of the Democratic National Committee who requested his name be withheld. “But this is the real deal. Mother Sheehan has spoken to us through Parkay, whole wheat and two slices of Kraft Singles. I swear I could almost feel her pain when some of the cheese dripped onto my finger.” The chairman refused to comment on speculations that the resulting burn resembled Howard Cosell.
Since her epic trek to Crawford several weeks ago, Mrs. Sheehan has developed a large, practically religious following. Many members of the Church of Grief held candlelight vigils, praying for another message from this holy warrior. “Even though we hear about her in the news every ten minutes, set up twenty or thirty interviews a day, and relentlessly protect her from the rabid Right Wing Smear Machine, it is important that miracles like seeing her face seared into the side of bread keep us focused on what’s real,” explained Cordelia Codswallow.
“President Bush has no reason to ignore this woman, “ said Petunia Bellweather, a local beautician who said she was there because of her faith in Sheehan and that her attendance had nothing to do with her own radical, anti-war group, Code Pink. “She has asked him a simple question. Bush has answered that question in public speeches, but it’s not the answer Cindy wanted. So she’s braving possible power outages and luke warm sodas from the vending machine to make sure Bush gets the message that until he publicly hangs himself, she just won’t be satisfied.”
The sandwich's estimated value was rocketing up into the millions due to heavy bidding on eBay, but sadly that came to and end when film maker Michael Moore’s ravenous appetite got the better of him in an interview with the grieving widow.
Calls to Cindy’s PR agency on whether or not the sandwich was actually made on Jewish rye went unanswered.
rolled out on
Monday, August 15, 2005 9:18 PM