A lot of world events have surfaced over the past few weeks, many of which have intrigued me. While other pundits are happy to simply discuss these events, I usually try to delve a bit deeper into their meanings and how these events shape the world around us. While it’s true that discussion can often enlighten people, it’s a slow process and I’m a man of the new century, raised on overnight delivery, instant potatoes, and movies on demand. So I decided to embark on the fastest way to true knowledge and in the ancient Chinese tradition of contacting one’s ancestors, I pulled out my Quija board to converse with the deceased.

Unfortunately after hours of frustrating responses, I soon learned that while Cannonball Run II effectively killed his career, Dom DeLuise is still technically alive and unable to provide the meaningful insight one associates with the afterlife.

Update:
Turns out that due to the low light conditions of the candles I was using, I accidentally pulled out Candyland instead of the Quija board. This would explain the constant responses of ‘Red’ ‘Blue’ ‘Red’ ‘Yellow’, and ‘Snowflake Queen Frostine’.