So yesterday I’m driving home, wishing that I could take off the hard top and just enjoy the beautiful weather. Florida may be hot, flat, and totally bereft of attractive landscape, but the weather can be phenomenal during the springtime.
Anyway, so I’m at a stop light and this (and I swear this is the only word I can think of) absolute Goddess pulls up next to me in some fancy sports car. Folks, I’ve not seen a woman this beautiful in a long time. She had long, dark hair, a perfect face, and a low cut shirt showing off what the good doctor gave her. I’d guess her age at 28 or so.
So I’m desperately trying to keep my eyes fixed forward on the traffic light while my wedding band starts burning my finger (don’t know how my wife gets it to do that). My will breaks down and I turned to look again.
Only to catch her in the midst of a major nasal spelunking campaign. I mean some hard core digging folks. 3rd knuckle stuff. And it’s not like she was trying to make a quick clearing run, this damsel was digging for gold. At this point I’m starting to cry as all my fantasies decided to engage in a quick round of seppuku. Then it got worse.
Compelled by disgust, I watched as she dislodged something akin to a chewed up gummy bear. She held it up at eye level and I swear, the look on her face was one of triumph and smug satisfaction. About this time the light turned green and I watched her drive off with her hand out the window trying to flick the booger away.
I’m fairly sure I’m going to need some serious counseling and strong, psychotropic medication.
rolled out on
Thursday, April 21, 2005 9:13 AM