Well, today is the day I call TiVo and cancel my subscription. It’s not that I’m disappointed with my TiVo service, if anything it rocks, but Brighthouse is supplying an HD DVR for only $9.95 a month.

Let’s look at the cost / benefit analysis.

TiVo – $600 for HD ready recorder, + $12.95 a month
Brighthouse – Free recorder, $9.95 a month

Hmmm…..Decisions, decisions.

TiVo, as a service kicks ass. The box is nice, it works as advertised, etc. I’ve always found their pricing to be a little high as all I really want from them is schedules but otherwise it’s a good system. I’m moving it into my bedroom and using it as a high-tech VCR as well as a media system since I can wirelessly access my MP3s.

However, I’m not looking forward to the actual phone call to cancel because the people behind the phone have to read from a script to try to get you to stay with them and it’s never a simple process. My dream call would be

Me: I want to cancel my subscription

Phone Monkey: Sorry to hear that Mr. Allen, was there something wrong with our service?

Me: No.

Phone Monkey: Well, we thank you for being a TiVo customer and are sorry to see you go. I’ll take care of this right away.

What will probably happen is the phone monkey will engage in a prewritten litany of how superior their non-HD box + service is over my local cable provider is and how I shouldn’t switch because, while 24 does look better in HD and continuing my service with them means I won’t get to see Michelle Dessler’s beautiful, heaving chest in all it’s 1080i glory, it’s still a better deal because they can push down advertisements for “Cinderella Man” and make me pay for it.

In order to shorten this session, I am trying to figure out the best way to make the phone monkey say ‘screw it’ and hang up on me as fast as they can. I could try to sell Jesus, talk about how my TV has been speaking to me lately and that it’s afraid of the TiVo box, or mumble in some pseudo-language and pretend I can’t understand what they’re saying.

This might be fun….