Great. Somehow I got conned into hosting this weeks' Bonfire of the Vanities. If you're not familiar with the process, go here. In short, people email in their worst blogging works and expect lots of links and happiness. Well, not this week buster! This week the gloves come off.*

This week I, Robb Allen, President & CEO of SaaM Enterprises will personally deliver my opinion of each and every entry. There will be no couth. Each entry will be met with severe, acerbic descriptions. If there's a way I can be more of a pompous ass, I will.

In short, nothing different than what I'm usually like. Shall we proceed?

First on our list is Mike. Mike, unlike most other people, worked hard on getting his submission in several days early. Normally, diligent work like this is well rewarded, but after reading his awful post about Titan puns, the only reward I can think of is having him being held back for another year of kindergarten.

Basil can't figure out which one of these posts sucks the most. Here's a hint, bub: If your were to put both posts side by side, not even light would be able to escape.

The Zero Boss emails with the tag line Worst. Post. Ever. Disregarding the worst. use. of. punctuation. ever., he might just be right.

Look, I am a Jeep owner myself. Owning a Jeep means you can run over shit most people avoid. It does not mean you have the license to write god awful Haiku.

This post by Beth is about something. I don't know what, and I'm not going to find out because I'm an ass. I think it has something to do with politics or bulk purchasing of incontinence pads.

Give me spirit fingers, dammit! shows not only bad taste in clothing, but blogging as well. I mean, there are just certain images one should not place online, regardless of the point being made.

The American Mind says he has an idea so bad it shouldn't be published. Too bad he didn't take his own advice. If anyone runs with this I'm tracking him down and forcing him to watch unedited reruns of "The Montel Williams Show" until his eyes bleed.

Carpe Bonum (Latin for "Damn this post sucks!") tries to coin a new word. Utter failure ensues.

The Conservative Cat coughs up this hair ball disguised as a blog entry. How lost is this guy? Everyone knows cats are Libertarian in nature.

Sisyphus, whose name alone commands immediate and unrelenting ridicule, posts something about string theory and Douglas Adams. Invoking Adams in a post this bad is grounds for acute head trauma should you ever find yourself lost and wandering around the SaaM compound.

Andrew "My middle name is sooooo damn important" Ian Dodge foregoes discussing a valuable topic, MILF, and instead punishes us with MIWPACCTS (moms I wouldn't pay a cover charge to see).

Right Wingnuthouse says "Looking back, it probably wasn't the best of ideas to tell my readers there are people writing blogs who are smarter than I am." Trust me pal, one minute of reading told us that already.

Mad Anthony carps on and on about crappy wiring in his apartment. Apparently the faulty wiring extended to his keyboard.

Multiple Mentality? Three words of advice for you when creating titles for your posts. Stop. Using. Periods. What is it with these people and their punctuation abuse?

Sortapundit achieves what I can only describe as 'sortablogging'.

Thank God scratch and sniff monitors are only a fantasy or else this post by Baboon Pirates would be lethal.

Conservative Yankee has hints on impressing the ladies this Valentines' Day. That's like taking interior decorating advice from Stevie Wonder.

Brian J. Noggle apparently forgot that the proper design for a tin foil beanie calls for the shiny side out. Either that or he dropped a sack of potatoes on his keyboard. Either way, something ain't right here.

Etherhouse unfortunately made the midnight deadline with this steaming pile. Which is too bad because this is one set of images I did not need to get in my head.

And if you've somehow managed to make it through all that garbage, I've saved the worst for last. A post so bad, I almost considered not posting the link due to the awfulness of it. The author of this should be shot, drawn & quartered, filleted, and served up as hors d'oeuvre at McDonald's. There is no excuse for posts of this low quality.

*This is the part where most people expect some sort of disclaimer. Tough. You ain't getting one. You wanted a roast, you got it.