I see a lot of people harping on PETA for their views on animals and it irritates me to no end. PETA is a wonderful organization that serves such great purpose in our society that it is just plain immoral to ridicule them.

For example, PETA employs many people. If PETA wasn't around, these patchoulli soaked idiots would be scanning your items at Wal-Mart instead of drawing posters of Skippy the Chicken with magic markers.

Speaking of magic markers and billboards, those things cost money. PETA removes large sums of cash from people who probably are better off not having that much money anyway. Lower monetary assets means these people have to stay at home more often which means you won't be nasally assailed by them in the movie theater.

Finally, PETA is an indispensable tool for planning lunch and dinner. When I'm not sure what I want to eat, I simply look for PETA related articles in the news. Complaining about the slaughtering practices used by KFC? It's Chicken! Whining about how cows have feelings? Make it 2 fillet mignons! Bemoaning the plight of the dairy cow? Cheese quesadillias with lots of sour cream (while wearing leather shoes of course). Horrible living conditions for swine? Pork Chops / Pork Fried Rice?

See, tonight I was planning on having my favorite "Wife's Bowling Night Means I Get To Eat Out" special, a sub from Firehouse Subs. A full size Club piled high with a pound of various succulent meats and strips of cooked swine flesh. However, today PETA is attacking consumers of fish which means pork, turkey, and beef are out of the question. I must consume aquatic sea life instead.

Sushi or Long John Silvers? And even then, how can I be assured that the fish I'm consuming was caught using a sharp hook and not some painless netting?

So you see, PETA serves a higher purpose than most people want to admit. They coagulate idiocy into easy to eradicate blobs, provide massive amounts of capitalism (which puts meat on people's tables), and is a great indicator of meal-time menus!

Also Rolling With It™
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Darmon C. Thorton (via Dean's World)
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