Recently, there's been an uproar over the recent release of Jack and Jeri (of Star Trek fame) Ryan's divorce papers against both parties' consent. It was said that the divorce papers had information that would be useful to voters as they try to determine who to vote for.
John Kerry, a Viet Nam veteran, is trying to ensure that the records of his divorce from his first wife, Julia Thorne, are not released under similar circumstances. Well, my crack team of investigative reporters has uncovered several documents from the divorce proceedings that I feel my readers should be aware of so they can make the best decision come November.
The man in the black overcoat from behind the Circle-K assures me these documents are authentic. Here are some of the more surprising excerpts from the transcripts.
Thorne: John would often come home in the early morning, reeking of "Glow" perfume and cigarettes. His excuse was always "I didn't know which house we were staying in this week", but I knew better.
Thorne: The relationship was .... how do I explain it... suffocating at the best. In the morning, John would tell me that he loved me, but later he'd yell about how he couldn't stand the sight of me. I'd remind him of what he said earlier in the day and all he'd say is "Well I loved you before I didn't love you".
Kerry: There was a time when I could tell our love life just wasn't what it used to be. Julia just wasn't interested in "tossing my medals" and would give me the cold shoulder when I suggested that we play U.N. even after I promised I wouldn't pretend to be Chirac and have her "suck up" to me.
Thorne: There was the time at Martha's Vineyard when John and Teddy cornered me in a room. John grabbed me from behind, bent me over and yelled "Whose daddy was in Viet Nam"? Teddy had had a few drinks and laughed about it, but I was really embarrassed.
Kerry: After a few years, I felt Julia just didn't know me. I'd ask her "Don't you know who I am?" and she'd just stare at me.
Thorne: There was the time I tried to make him waffles for breakfast and he went berserk. He....he...I don't want to talk about it.....
There's much more to scan through, so stay tuned. Some of the writing is hard to read. I had no idea that legal documents are often written on the backs of napkins, but trust me you will read it here first!
Props to Bill at INDC and McGehee
rolled out on
Wednesday, June 30, 2004 12:50 PM