Must Credit Sharp as a Marble
Bayard WY – Using recent advances in imaging technology, researchers have claimed that new data indicates measurements of time may exist below the Planck Time. The Planck Length (ℓP) is the scale at which classical ideas about gravity and space-time break down and the distance a photon can travel 1ℓP in a complete vacuum is considered the smallest unit of time that has any meaning.
Research Scientist Ken Uheerme who lead the project said in a prepared statement “We have reason to believe, after pouring through recent events and volumes of data, that there exists a span of time shorter than the Planck Time that is clearly measurable and has meaning. Where we used to consider 10-43 seconds as the shortest time span possible, it has come to our attention that the time between a tragic event and the media blaming that event on Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, or the Tea Party is considerably shorter.
“Using some of the latest in Twitter and YouTube technology, we can compensate for the lag in digital signal and the time for propagation and it is clear that the instant desire to blame the ‘other side’ for any horrific event is not instantaneous as we once thought but rather delayed by 10-76 seconds of time.”
Uheerme coined this measurement as “Median Blame Time” as he said there may be even shorter timeframes that cannot be measured due to limits in technology and the delay time built into CNN and MSNBC’s brodcasts.
Scientists conclude that if these new findings are correct, they will have implications on the field of quantum mechanics and how they relate to the 24 hour news cycle and the blogosphere. “Clearly, we will have to reconsider our calculations in light of this new data, “ claimed Rod Dungsly, lead researcher at Moregood Community College. “Previously, the technology available to us didn’t let us measure such short periods of time, but that was before Sarah Palin. The original measurement of Blaming Bush was roughly 10-40 seconds, well within the bounds of Planck Time.”
Not everyone is convinced of the findings though. Marshall Wiznowsky, a nationally renowned theoretical physicist, claims that causality may be the culprit. “It is generally considered that every event has a cause, but in this instance, the blame may have already been assigned before the event takes place. The delay may only be in perception of how fast the talking heads on TV can assign it, not how fast they came to to conclusion that the swarthy, Middle Eastern looking man in the turban yelling “Die you infidel pigs!! ALLAH AKBHAR!” with the machine gun was clearly a member of the Tea Party who listens to Rush Limbaugh.”
Members of the Main Stream Media could not be reached for comment as they were already covering a tragedy that should happen next week.