Not that it makes up close friends and best of buds, but Kennedy follows me, which I can’t help but geek out over.

Sometimes, that person is me…

Here’s some shit I’ve said on Twitter According to #GunControl logic, Metamucil keeps you "regular" by having the government register and license your bowel movements.   I'm a firm believer Meth users should be in jail. Mostly because they make getting sweet, sweet Pseudophed so $#(*ing hard to get.   Pro tip - It's very difficult to throw yourself a surprise party.

“This is the government your forefathers warned you about.”

Earlier today I made this Twitter comment Then I see this headline - Earth Day co-founder killed, composted girlfriend Had I only known.

A man is both simultaneously right and wrong until observed by a woman. Then he is most certainly wrong. #SchrödingersWife

I learned two three, very helpful words today bathykolpian, spathic and callipygian. Bonus points if you can work any of those words into a meeting today.

Where will the ankle monitor go?