At least they’re honest about the mental stress they cause
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/22/2017 8:32:04 AM | Feedback (0)
Because f*** you, that’s why DULUTH, Minn. — Authorities say a driver was cited after he was clocked driving 171 mph in northern Minnesota. … The driver, a 36-year-old man, was cited for careless driving. Padden says the man didn’t really provide a reason for speeding on the highway.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/14/2016 2:27:27 PM | Feedback (5)
I was leaving work today. We have a door between the reception area & the office that is key entry only, but exiting you just push as a motion sensor unlocks it automatically. A coworker was ahead of me and realized the door was going to slam shut on me. He waited for me to open the door and profusely apologized. I said “No problem. I’ve mastered opening doors!” And proceeded to miss the door handle & run smack dab, face first into the door to the stairs.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/18/2015 7:58:20 PM | Feedback (7)
Damn, this was a great post if I do say so myself. P.S. Your gun still sucks & you’re still holding it wrong.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/1/2015 9:59:48 AM | Feedback (2)
A real life Wookiee Suit. Tam would rock this.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/18/2015 9:09:13 AM | Feedback (4)
One of the developers got a 32oz. plastic jug of Olde English 800 as a lark. He cracked it open, took a swig, and promptly never had any again. This was a month or two ago, and the bottle just sits on his desk. So I took it home over the weekend. Filled it with apple juice. Brought it back. I just chugged the whole thing in front of my group. Let me say, that much apple juice in that little time does a number on your blood sugar and stomach. The looks on their faces was completely worth it.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/4/2015 2:56:55 PM | Feedback (10)
Just be careful Jesus doesn’t try to frame you Tito Watts said in his police statement: I don’t care what the police say. The tickets are solid gold… it ain’t cut up two by fours I spray painted gold. And it was Jesus who give them to me behind the KFC and said to sell them so I could get me some money to go to outer space. I met an alien named Stevie who said if I got the cash together he’d take me and my wife on his flying saucer to his planet that’s made entirely of crack cocaine. You can...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/2/2015 7:54:05 PM | Feedback (6)
Oh, hell it IS
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/21/2014 3:34:52 PM | Feedback (5)
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/21/2014 1:16:29 PM | Feedback (2)
There’s this post on ImgUr with pictures of an abandoned mall. Someone made this comment
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/16/2014 10:04:57 AM | Feedback (4)
Here are just a few samples of the fine artworks on display    Admission is $5 for children under 8, $12 for adults – Eye & hearing protection provided. Please do not carry your children while in the museum.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/12/2014 8:58:23 AM | Feedback (14)
Parody. Parody happens. I’m going to have a metric ****load of fun with this one. If you have any ideas, plop ‘em in the comments & I’ll see what I can do.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/21/2014 1:23:29 PM | Feedback (16)
Consider this one closed. Because it’s my place, I can do as I damned well please.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/8/2014 12:41:09 PM | Feedback (0)
Eric Friday is one of our top law guys for Florida Carry. Great guy, talks really fast. He was on the news recently Uh…
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/8/2014 8:55:43 AM | Feedback (5)
I totes lol’d
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/1/2014 10:41:02 AM | Feedback (0)
(this is the Craigslist ad I posted. Since I took it down after being sold, I decided to put it up here for posterity) But I'd rather sell it to you. It's a Singer 4525 Deluxe sewing machine. What makes it deluxe? Hell if I know. I only know it's a sewing machine because I saw one once on a show on the History Channel. It has a bobbin, whatever that is and there are levers and dials that make it look like a bad prop from the original Star Trek series. I'm not sure what the symbols on the side...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/25/2014 3:24:41 PM | Feedback (3)
Wife wanted me to post the sewing machine on Craigslist. Last time she’ll ask me to do something like that again. (Link is now to the blog post since I took down the ad from Craigslist after it selling in about 30 minutes)
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/17/2014 9:04:22 PM | Feedback (8)
Just got a peek at the new Facebook system for gun sales
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/6/2014 9:43:01 AM | Feedback (7)
She gave me the idea Help for the unawares
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/5/2014 9:24:59 PM | Feedback (19)
Madness A Fostoria Police officer's car was parked outside of his Toledo home near South Detroit and Oxbridge roads. The officer woke up Thursday morning to find his car window smashed, and several items taken. A bag, one of his own guns, one of the department's guns, his wallet and his police badger were all missing. But remember, only cops are responsible enough with their guns (and badgers) to be entrusted with them.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/21/2014 3:10:58 PM | Feedback (10)
Tam "Heck, Lowe's sells 90% Sten receivers on aisle 5." Tam is like the 1% of One-Liners while the rest of the 99% have to schlep around with jokes we cribbed from Reader’s Digest.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/23/2014 12:54:05 PM | Feedback (6)
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/16/2014 12:28:45 PM | Feedback (0)
And already, the “Best Headline of 2014” has already been claimed. Cormac McCarthy’s Ex-Wife Pulls Gun From Vagina During Argument Over Aliens
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/8/2014 1:33:49 PM | Feedback (7)
3360x1050 Unless I get another monitor or two, that should suffice for the next three hundred and sixty five.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/1/2014 10:38:47 AM | Feedback (1)
So I did this
posted by by Robb Allen @ 12/20/2013 2:25:52 PM | Feedback (7)
posted by by Robb Allen @ 12/12/2013 3:04:55 PM | Feedback (3)
I posted this link to Twitter I got this response
posted by by Robb Allen @ 12/11/2013 1:10:12 PM | Feedback (4)
When you realize he has an off switch right on his chest…
posted by by Robb Allen @ 12/11/2013 11:07:55 AM | Feedback (2)
JayG : This conversation took a disgusting but predictable turn...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 12/6/2013 1:06:44 PM | Feedback (0)
I bet she’d write something just like this. The best though, is the first comment "A little thing that can turn into anything at anytime." She wants an old argument with your wife?
posted by by Robb Allen @ 12/6/2013 8:40:58 AM | Feedback (2)
Somehow, this guy managed to break all 9. Hat Tip Michael Z Williamson
posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/19/2013 1:30:20 PM | Feedback (3)
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/18/2013 10:51:10 AM | Feedback (3)
It’s sold. So I needed to give it a good rub down before it gets transferred. I noticed my biggest cleaning enemy wasn’t rust or un-burnt powder, but rather cat fur and lint. And using bearing grease, it captured and held said detritus quite well.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/9/2013 9:06:15 PM | Feedback (4)
When this joke I made on Twitter makes you giggle Turns out I didn't. I used to understand asynchronous programming.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/9/2013 5:03:48 PM | Feedback (11)
You’re doing it wrong The band's 90-minute set featured hard rock anthems, songs with techno influences as well as groovy and eerie jams. (Nine Inch Nails) closed the night with a slow and smoky cover of Johnny Cash's "Hurt," which earned nonstop cheers from the crowd. Reznor was soft as he sang the song's verses — making it the set's highlight. I fully expected the write up to say that Van Halen came on stage to perform a stirring rendition of Ton Loc’s “Wild Thing” while Queen finished up...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/3/2013 8:39:37 AM | Feedback (7)
Because this is the BEST ONE EVAH
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/26/2013 7:25:29 PM | Feedback (2)
This isn’t that time. Sorry.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/13/2013 12:39:56 PM | Feedback (4)
But it’s also sad at the same time That last line hits too close to home.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/7/2013 9:14:35 AM | Feedback (1)
(or, what it would look like if Dracula’s daughter took a selfie) I swear, these things just pop into my head, which kills my productivity…
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/26/2013 2:47:23 PM | Feedback (3)
Unfortunately, it was in a shipment to Mexico.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/19/2013 10:03:01 AM | Feedback (5)
Your gun sucks and you’re holding it wrong. That caliber is ineffective. You would do better to pick something bigger. That caliber is too big / expensive. You would do better with a smaller caliber that is cheaper and gives you higher capacity. I am not a lawyer, I have never argued a case, and in fact I tend to get confused when watching Matlock, but if you do not follow my legal advice to the T you will spend the rest of your life behind bars and that’s after you get the lethal injection...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/11/2013 9:09:21 AM | Feedback (69)
For PDB and Tam
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/11/2013 7:09:04 AM | Feedback (1)
Teacher accidentally wears the same outfit for school pictures two years in a row. Wife dares him to wear it again. He does. Forty years straight.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/6/2013 4:31:23 PM | Feedback (5)
This will be funny.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/27/2013 12:26:52 PM | Feedback (7)
This is why there’s always hesitation to invite us to her family events* He was actually just sitting on his leg when I photobombed him. *Wife’s family actually loves me. Must be the constant laughing.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/16/2013 2:53:49 PM | Feedback (5)
Not sure I could actually send anything besides this one anyway.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/10/2013 2:38:44 PM | Feedback (1)
Sometimes, that person is me…
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/5/2013 1:28:25 PM | Feedback (2)
Uses a 10 round PMag Evacuation not valid in Colorado
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/31/2013 10:34:45 AM | Feedback (7)
I would definitely run ads like this
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/17/2013 9:54:06 AM | Feedback (1)
And sometimes, the squirrel’s nuts get caught.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/6/2013 9:54:44 AM | Feedback (4)
Wait… This isn’t the Onion? Several House Democrats are calling on Congress to recognize that climate change is hurting women more than men, and could even drive poor women to "transactional sex" for survival. … More broadly, the resolution says climate change will hurt "marginalized" women, such as refugees, sexual minorities, adolescent girls, and women and girls with HIV. It also cites Hurricane Katrina as evidence of how climate change can affect women, noting that the storm displaced...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/29/2013 2:31:55 PM | Feedback (11)
I got this in my inbox this morning I guess the KKK is hard up for cash and is peddling hair pills and antibiotics now?
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/27/2013 7:16:44 AM | Feedback (2)
Nice bolt.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/26/2013 9:24:25 AM | Feedback (4)
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/5/2013 10:40:04 AM | Feedback (3)
I was all excited when I saw you could download printable Dyson Spheres. Then I saw it was a part for a vacuum…
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/29/2013 2:20:30 PM | Feedback (5)
A man is both simultaneously right and wrong until observed by a woman. Then he is most certainly wrong. #SchrödingersWife
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/29/2013 10:11:07 AM | Feedback (1)
Christmas lights on palm trees
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/20/2013 10:22:36 AM | Feedback (5)
But I still recommend a quality holster
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/7/2013 4:02:20 PM | Feedback (5)
I’ve seen shelves like this
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/20/2013 8:39:27 AM | Feedback (12)
“I think the entire tablet / smartphone industry is funded by the Hemorrhoid Cream Industrial Complex “
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/19/2013 12:57:56 PM | Feedback (2)
Pew! Pew! Pew!
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/13/2013 10:36:49 AM | Feedback (0)
Now even Assaultier
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/12/2013 11:04:54 AM | Feedback (0)
From a comment by DustyDog If gun confiscation happens, it won't be a shoot out. You'll get 3 letters of advance notice filled with dire threats. Then a final warning (which will arrive a week late), and two late notices, full of threats. You'll hear that the people running the database can't keep track of how many weapons were turned it, so if you turn in anything and get a clean card, you'll in the record as having no guns. So you drive to the location to find out it was misprinted on the...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/11/2013 8:55:52 AM | Feedback (7)
The Superbowl blackout was caused by equipment that was installed to prevent blackouts.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/8/2013 1:58:41 PM | Feedback (4)
Some other really good ones where that one came from too!
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/7/2013 8:48:58 AM | Feedback (0)
Because we have facts and all they have are penis jokes, this one made me chortle “Officer, I was in fear of my life so I dicked my assailant to death.”
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/7/2013 8:26:42 AM | Feedback (3)
“Ford Earthfucker? You ain’t seen nothin’ yet, son”
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/28/2013 12:27:07 PM | Feedback (19)
Megan McArdle An ADHD day trader with a cocaine habit and six months to live has considerably more long-term planning skills than our current congress.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/9/2013 11:28:45 AM | Feedback (3)
Another fun one from Vonage. DirecTV called to confirm installation. The first part of message was in Española but Vonage don’t care ‘bout those kinds of things and tried to Englishify it. The results were… well, look and see Hello, this is a message from direct TV, seeing if if you got a program at focus last approximate Eta 45 or jamming outside and we will just seeing those single woman maybe one or two of those days. Jammin’ outside and seeing single women. Ah, to be young and a Satellite...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/9/2013 9:55:23 AM | Feedback (0)
Say Uncle sent me a link to this humorous gun article on CNN Say Uncle: I own that modelMe: 3 of themSay Uncle: why do you want to kill children?Me: Because my kids routinely try to kill me with theirsSay Uncle: fair point
posted by by Robb Allen @ 12/20/2012 10:55:50 AM | Feedback (4)
The 25 Funniest AutoCorrects Of 2012 (although I recognize a few from a while back) Hat Tip JayG who’d like 3 orders of boobcicles
posted by by Robb Allen @ 12/19/2012 2:44:21 PM | Feedback (2)
posted by by Robb Allen @ 12/13/2012 8:53:48 AM | Feedback (0)
The Patriots at least had one win. The Coalition  to Shit on Rights? Not so much.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 12/12/2012 9:08:37 AM | Feedback (2)
Turns out I don’t have one. Which makes things easier, to be honest.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 12/7/2012 1:16:39 PM | Feedback (12)
All content is half off today. Limit 10 per reader.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/23/2012 7:56:14 AM | Feedback (0)
This thing is so full, the seams are in danger of bursting
posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/21/2012 10:00:14 AM | Feedback (5)
(2:43:25 PM) Greg : 32111111111111111111111111111111110. (2:43:29 PM) Greg: sorry. cat
posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/3/2012 2:45:24 PM | Feedback (3)
Got an email from the office (remember, I’m a contractor working remotely) Hello, As an extension of our asset management project, we are now gathering information about client laptops that have been assigned to personnel. You have been identified as an employee who may have been assigned a {Company} laptop. If you have a {Company} computer assigned to you, please email me the laptop type, serial number and asset barcode number. If you do not have a {Company} laptop, please confirm via return...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/1/2012 12:42:50 PM | Feedback (4)
Because I don’t have a family of Eddie and I don’t want Keith anywhere near my medical decisions. I *am* impressed that Connie Nash Jr. has five confirmed street kills with a basketball though. "This is Dr., this is Dr., this is Dr. Renée Jockey calling for Independent women's voice because Tuesday is our last chance to stop the implementation of Obama care. Obama care puts government bureaucrats between you and your doctor insurance costs are rising almost $2000 for the average family of...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/1/2012 12:00:04 PM | Feedback (0)
HK has a newsletter you can sign up for
posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/1/2012 11:18:19 AM | Feedback (4)
They all look the same One would think the Senior news analyst for NPR and a commentator for ABC would know the difference.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/26/2012 2:43:18 PM | Feedback (2)
Another voice message transcribed "I'm calling from Ronnie for president. This is Christy. She is a real daughter. And in 2008. She voted for Barack Obama will have a moment I haven't got anything to help you personally we don't have any of the legislation really helped you. I heard anything pain is Diana calling from promises. Everything's gonna be wonderful and and make all the changes. We haven't done anything wrong. All has changed and all these wonderful radio and and none of it a fire...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/24/2012 7:46:43 PM | Feedback (0)
Remember – The Constitution does not grant rights. SysAdmins, on the other hand… (courtesy of yours’ truly)
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/24/2012 2:03:59 PM | Feedback (3)
Someone put this on my Facebook page. I chuckled  
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/24/2012 12:33:22 PM | Feedback (2)
Vonage has “Visual Voicemail” which transcribes your voicemails, generally to humorous effect. For example, this lovely gem was in my inbox today "I'm calling from Robin for president. This is Laura. She is a real butter and in 2008. She voted for Barack Obama, this is John. I was elected to be the leader. I haven't seen any kind trouble at least me. I haven't frustrated watching the video. You still in the bank. Just spending spending spending and on I can't go home. We will be sure your back...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/23/2012 8:19:27 PM | Feedback (6)
(Made it myself from my own idea!)
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/14/2012 5:30:51 PM | Feedback (3)
I’ve written an application to help you determine who won the debate last night. Who do you support more, Biden or Ryan? CONGRATULATIONS! Your guy won!
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/12/2012 7:22:51 AM | Feedback (3)
From ImgUR
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/11/2012 7:56:16 PM | Feedback (1)
Now I’m no longer allowed to stay at a hotel ever again, lest I do this.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/8/2012 8:40:12 PM | Feedback (6)
From The Chive
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/6/2012 6:51:00 PM | Feedback (0)
This was in my daughter’s weekly notebook yesterday
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/2/2012 8:40:50 AM | Feedback (8)
Robb: but now that I think about it, I realize I'm talking out my ass again.....Robb: Must be a day that ends in y
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/25/2012 2:16:35 PM | Feedback (0)
Funny infographic. Had I some brainpower available right now, I bet I could come up with a few more, albeit politically incorrect. Not that that is something I concern myself with much here.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/18/2012 10:59:04 AM | Feedback (5)
Hat Tip to JayG for the idea.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/12/2012 9:26:27 AM | Feedback (6)
But this was cheating. And what he really said was probably funnier anyway.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/6/2012 3:31:23 PM | Feedback (0)
How does she do it? I mean, that is dumber than a Taurus Judge with mother-of-toilet-seat grips and gold controls, and that's pretty dumb, let me tell you. Mother-of-toilet-seat grips. Every time I say it in my head, I start giggling.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/6/2012 9:04:18 AM | Feedback (1)
Hat tip Unix-Jedi
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/13/2012 12:11:24 PM | Feedback (7)
From Sean Caranna in regards to the fact that I do not have a scale in my house to weigh some boxes for shipping Note to self: Buy Robb scale...   Secondary note to self: Make damn sure scale is not addressed to Robb's wife...  Tertiary note to self: Scale purchase plan too dangerous, destroy notes one and two.  Send local unlicensed pharmaceutical distributor to Robb's house to weigh boxes, those guys always have accurate scales... Technically speaking, I’ve got scales,...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/6/2012 3:08:15 PM | Feedback (3)
In a comment on Facebook, I was called to the carpet as “a gun nut who worships guns”. I can’t argue that. I don’t really have a safe, it’s more of a shrine, and I treat the lanes at the range like a confessional. And of course, every night, I say my prayer John Moses Browning, who art in heavenHollowpoints be thy nameThy kingdom comeThy Will be doneIn full or semi-automaticGive us this day our daily rangeand forgive us our misses, as we aim for those who attack us, and lead us not into the...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/2/2012 8:31:49 AM | Feedback (11)
From Caleb
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/31/2012 12:07:05 PM | Feedback (0)
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/18/2012 10:13:38 PM | Feedback (8)
In regards to Joe Biden not being able to fill the NAACP seats Who wants to watch a ventriloquist act if only the dummy shows up?
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/12/2012 4:53:42 PM | Feedback (1)
Because America and England are two countries separated by a common language, I thought I’d help out with one of my ever-so-handy charts Thanks to Tam for the idea
...Read More
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/9/2012 9:22:57 AM | Feedback (3)
This is going to be a very annoying post. Because someone at Mozilla had either a sense of humor or was a sadistic bastard. For those reading via other browsers or in RSS. Consider yourself lucky.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/2/2012 1:55:24 PM | Feedback (19)
  Because I’m betting there’s going to be a lucrative market for them soon!
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/8/2012 10:19:24 AM | Feedback (8)
I have ever seen (This one ain’t too shabby either)
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/7/2012 9:18:33 AM | Feedback (13)
From a chat session regarding Unix-Jedi driving his Citrus Green Honda Insight Unix-Jedi: Now that I got a 10 day tag for the Insight, when dixie and dixielet napped after dad left yesterday, I went to to practice driving Unix-Jedi: Fuuuuuuuuuuuu. Unix-Jedi: Manual transmission with a 60 HP engine = not good Unix-Jedi: But getting onto the main road, I have to tell you, I got severely tempted to try and sell the Insight and make $3k or so on it pdb: why's that? .
...Read More
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/4/2012 11:01:53 AM | Feedback (11)
I did not know that about Larry Correia
...Read More
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/25/2012 8:07:40 PM | Feedback (10)
So, I’m burning through my RSS feed, trying to catch up while I’m waiting on a build and I see this quote at Shall Not Be Questioned  I’m dying to see how that law is worded. How is “walking” defined? Two consecutive steps? More than two? “X or more steps in X amount of time”? Does it have to be in a forward direction, or is this like ‘traveling’ in the NBA? Can you sidestep and text at the same time? “Not guilty, your honor. My client was texting while Riverdancing, which is...
...Read More
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/17/2012 12:19:40 PM | Feedback (5)
This. This is funny. It’s definitely my favorite Tim Conway clip. The fact that it was off the cuff makes it even better. But the icing on the cake is when the professional comedians can’t even keep their composure. I need that *snorf* sound as a ringtone.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/16/2012 12:52:44 PM | Feedback (5)
JayG and I were discussing the video Tam posted where Robert Vogel does the F.A.S.T. drill in 3.34 seconds Robb: Oh come on. You could TOTALLY do the FAST drill in 3.34 Robb: minutes Jay G.: heh Jay G.: When I said *might*, I meant if the gun were already out and pointed downrange... Robb: And the targets already perforated Jay G.: hey, I make no claims of being able to hit anything other than the ground... Robb: And even then.... that's with conditions Jay G.: right ...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/5/2012 11:43:34 AM | Feedback (6)
I’m chatting with a coworker who’s in a band, talking about how stoked I was that I mastered the notes B, C, D, E, F, & G last night and could totally rock Ode to Joy. Me: Of course, last night I'm looking up effects processors and, watching the videos of guys who have been playing for centuries rip up the fret board, I almost felt like quitting... Coworker: keeps you humble.  yngwie malmsteen Me: Not because I didn't think I'd ever be able to play like that mind you,...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/4/2012 12:09:13 PM | Feedback (2)
Therefore they’re acceptable. Charlie Mike is very popular at my competitions too.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/2/2012 1:18:38 PM | Feedback (0)
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/29/2012 11:17:39 AM | Feedback (7)
I proudly introduce, a new internet meme for gunnies!   Please, feel free to join in! (for the non-meme-aware)
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/23/2012 9:18:14 PM | Feedback (28)
Uncle brings da funny
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/13/2012 12:06:42 PM | Feedback (0)
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/11/2012 12:13:50 PM | Feedback (7)
Put him in a room with another Libertarian. Instead of actually doing politics, they’ll just argue with each other who is more pure.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/5/2012 10:11:48 AM | Feedback (8)
There should be licenses and background checks for people with starting guns. Hat Tip Shall Not Be Questioned
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/21/2012 11:41:40 AM | Feedback (0)
If you’re ever faced with a chest bursting alien queen and are holding both a child and a flamethrower duct taped to your M41A1 Pulse Rifle, it makes a lot of sense
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/16/2012 12:18:45 PM | Feedback (6)
Cocoa Fl – There’s no denying that the market for concealable pistols has been hotter than ever, but the move toward smaller and smaller pistols meant consumers had to trade in power for size. Kel-Tec, the American leader in underpowered, tiny pistols has solved this issue by packing more gun into their guns. Introduced at the 2012 Weapons Trade Forum (WTF), Kel-Tec was proud to announce the upcoming P333AT “After the IWA show in Nuremburg, Germany, we realized there was a high demand for...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/13/2012 8:20:53 PM | Feedback (28)
Open carry of a light saber.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/12/2012 3:42:33 PM | Feedback (5)
Shelley Rae done won them today
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/29/2012 11:56:15 AM | Feedback (3)
Guy robs convenience store. His plan goes awry when his motorized wheelchair gets stuck in the sand A man's cunning plan to hold up a convenience store with a knife all went south, according to police, when his wheelchair got stuck in the sand behind the store as he tried to make his getaway. … When officers arrived, they found Champion stuck in the sand behind the store drinking a Bud Light Lime.
...Read More
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/20/2012 2:42:51 PM | Feedback (9)
It makes the Brokedick Mountain post before this one look tame in comparison. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. And don’t whiz on the electric fence.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/9/2012 1:33:48 PM | Feedback (12)
Try to read this post without crossing your legs. I dare you.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/9/2012 1:28:09 PM | Feedback (7)
Very little assembly required.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/27/2012 8:27:27 AM | Feedback (0)
So the other night I had a dream that Massachusetts and Florida started a war. I remember trying to call JayG to ask him what the hell was going on, but I couldn’t get through. It got me to thinking though – Who would win. I mean sure, MA has Jay and his arsenal of stabby things and Florida is overrun with blue-haired ladies driving 45 on the freeway, and yes most Massachusettsians are already angry about living there, but I’d have to give a slight edge to my home state. Seriously, have you...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/26/2012 8:47:09 AM | Feedback (11)
He won’t be facing any charges on the whole Sandusky affair, so he has that going for him.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/23/2012 9:55:06 AM | Feedback (6)
Freak washing machine accident boils lab monkey alive I’ve been to parties like that. Hat Tip ChrisM in #gunblogger_conspiracy
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/20/2012 12:46:04 PM | Feedback (8)
Took Georgia to a sushi restaurant for some Daddy / Daughter time. She loves California rolls, so I broadened her sushi-vocabulary by introducing her to Bagel (raw salmon and cream cheese), Tako (octopus), and Volcano rolls. I was trying to remember what was in volcano rolls and found… this. Remind me not to eat there!
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/16/2012 7:05:02 PM | Feedback (4)
Why is it the man preached peace and love, regardless of skin color, yet you’d not want to walk down any street named after him when it’s dark?
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/16/2012 9:43:42 AM | Feedback (6)
Drink warning
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/16/2012 8:50:38 AM | Feedback (0)
Got an email from AT&T talking about how I can save money on my monthly bill by purchasing a more expensive plan. I had no idea AT&T was government ran!
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/9/2012 11:44:40 AM | Feedback (1)
From spike in #gunblogger_conspiracy <spike> Michelle Obama Jokes: 'I Kind Of Like' Being Called Your Excellency'... <spike> I like calling her "former first lady"
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/4/2012 12:15:49 PM | Feedback (6)
But this is kind of odd. I mean, IDPA? Really?
posted by by Robb Allen @ 12/15/2011 8:42:33 AM | Feedback (10)
Apparently, not a .22 Hat tip Mad Rocket Scientist
posted by by Robb Allen @ 12/13/2011 3:51:23 PM | Feedback (14)
Is that Faux Shizzle?
posted by by Robb Allen @ 12/9/2011 12:37:32 PM | Feedback (2)
posted by by Robb Allen @ 12/5/2011 1:45:01 PM | Feedback (10)
The end of times has approached on 8 legs. Somewhere up north, a certain librarian is stocking up on ammo and sighting in several rifles.
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posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/22/2011 1:42:34 PM | Feedback (7)
From Facebook If you missed the Emergency Alert System Test, it will be in Hulu later today and Netflix On Demand by the end of the month.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/9/2011 3:23:04 PM | Feedback (0)
So, I’ve heard that homeless people and ‘professional moochers’ have invaded and started eating all your organic tofu and goat cheese salads. That’s gotta be rough, but I have a solution for you that will help hammer home the point you people have been trying to make. Since you have all the food necessary to feed the people, we can consider it a place where you store goods… I dunno, call it a ‘food bank’ or something. We know that because you have only a limited amount of food, you need to...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/5/2011 1:36:53 PM | Feedback (7)
This is how news should be written Sexton was booked on suspicion of aggravated assault and felony criminal damage. He was taken to jail, where officers snapped this shot of him looking like someone just shit in his cereal. Hat tip Tango in #gunblogger_conspiracy
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posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/2/2011 4:14:27 PM | Feedback (9)
Sean, in regards to Wisconsin going CCW today I felt a great disturbance in the Anti-Gun force, as if 10, maybe 15 voices suddenly cried out in terror and were basically ignored.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/1/2011 3:50:04 PM | Feedback (3)
But this? This is pure win!
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/28/2011 11:00:16 AM | Feedback (6)
Molon Labe – “unscheduled estate appraisal” Gonna work that into every conversation I can now.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/25/2011 9:59:23 AM | Feedback (3)
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/21/2011 12:44:02 PM | Feedback (14)
Don’t worry, you won’t need to take off your shoes to count ‘em all.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/20/2011 2:32:00 PM | Feedback (4)
Kevin has a look at a message from one of the top 1% the Occupy Anyplace But Employment crowd that they refuse to acknowledge
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/12/2011 8:33:42 AM | Feedback (2)
From Facebook "We don’t allow faster-than-light neutrinos in here,” says the bartender. A neutrino walks into a bar.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/7/2011 9:48:08 PM | Feedback (11)
I brought out my Ouija board last night to try to talk to Steve Jobs. I held the planchette incorrectly and kept losing the signal.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/6/2011 9:33:27 AM | Feedback (5)
In Australia
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/4/2011 4:25:26 PM | Feedback (4)
And yes, this could apply to pretty much any politician Stolen from a friend on Facebook.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/4/2011 11:16:27 AM | Feedback (4)
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/1/2011 10:20:07 AM | Feedback (9)
UPDATE Now for sale on my Zazzle store Did this for Tam earlier – From Uncle Sam to Uncle Badtouch
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posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/29/2011 12:32:15 PM | Feedback (15)
With Tactical Magic
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/29/2011 8:43:48 AM | Feedback (0)
Oh lord, I had tears in my eyes while watching this Hat Tip Random Nuclear Strikes
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/28/2011 8:47:12 AM | Feedback (5)
That don’t exist, but probably should
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/26/2011 11:13:55 AM | Feedback (4)
I’m leaning toward Not.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/23/2011 10:25:39 AM | Feedback (5)
This absolutely cannot be real… It’s on their Facebook page
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/20/2011 2:33:42 PM | Feedback (26)
Admit it, you only like potato chips because it’s too embarrassing to spoon French Onion Dip directly into your mouth. Same concept with broccoli and ranch dressing.
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posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/20/2011 11:40:18 AM | Feedback (6)
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/19/2011 11:52:47 AM | Feedback (6)
Courtesy of Tam, courtesy of Staghounds A black guy, a white guy, a Christian, a Muslim, and a Communist walk into a bar. The bartender says "What can I get you, Mr. President?"
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/19/2011 8:21:06 AM | Feedback (0)
Because, really? I mean, typing would have been a lot easier.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/16/2011 3:05:40 PM | Feedback (9)
On one side, we have the Democrats that argue we should all pay for abortions. On the other side, we’ve got presidential contenders arguing about Gardisil shots. It’s like the whole decision is based on which side of the cervix you’re more concerned about.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/15/2011 6:30:45 PM | Feedback (9)
In my last post I said I think I might just make mag holders out of cardboard toilet paper tubes, some staples and duct tape, then look for a diaper bag at a yard sale for the range bag instead. I forgot about the kind of readers I have. Update From Richard at That should be plenty for USPSA with spares!
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posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/13/2011 3:43:30 PM | Feedback (7)
You almost feel sorry for the bathtub Homeowner Christopher Barbour, who says he is a friend of 33-year-old KARK weatherman Brett Cummins, told police that he woke up Monday morning and found his friend asleep in his bathtub with a dead man wearing a dog collar lying next to him. Just checked, wasn’t my dog collar.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/9/2011 10:16:45 AM | Feedback (8)
I hate giving negative reviews, but this holster sucked. Couldn’t keep the syrup OR the butter in place and the pancake kept falling out every time I bent over.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/7/2011 12:41:13 PM | Feedback (10)
From Basic Instructions
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/7/2011 8:40:50 AM | Feedback (1)
Sebastian has a post up where the PSH crowd is engaging in, well, PSH because the Pima County GOP is being insensitive and raffling off the very gun used to shoot Rep. Giffords  a Glock pistol. To which I replied Would these people have a problem with a car dealer on Chappaquiddick Island raffling off a car? Sad that it makes a funny joke, because it’s totally grounded in reality. What one madman does with a gun / car / shovel / santoku knife has nothing to do with the gun / car /...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/2/2011 1:11:22 PM | Feedback (7)
I used to think homeopathy was a crock, but I’ve devised a test that proves it’s pretty accurate. I took water and diluted it to 1/1,000,000 its original strength and it still maintained it’s ability to quench thirst.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/1/2011 10:39:54 AM | Feedback (7)
Is sometimes paved with potholes and detours. I guess rejection letters are to be expected. Got this in the inbox today. Dear Mr. Allen, We would like to take this opportunity to thank you for your letter regarding a possible sponsorship from Jennings. We watched the enclosed video (although it took us a while to find a video player that accepted VHS tapes) and have come to the conclusion that, as a company, we do not feel your shooting style is conducive to the level of quality that...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/29/2011 1:51:09 PM | Feedback (10)
Looks bad…
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/23/2011 3:48:32 PM | Feedback (12)
Look, you send me cash, I’ll use your competitors gear, totally sullying their image. Trust me, it works!!!
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/17/2011 12:06:48 PM | Feedback (2)
This was in my Google alerts for ‘Gun’ stories
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/15/2011 10:39:46 AM | Feedback (3)
No. Really. Someone actually thought about attaching incendiary bombs to bats so they could be dropped over Japan where they’d roost in buildings before burning them down. Seriously!
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/12/2011 3:25:24 PM | Feedback (17)
from Sci-Fi in #gunblogger_conspiracy (2:46:31 PM) SCI-FI: 0bama's been office so long, my AAA batteries have been downgraded to AA+ batteries.....
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/12/2011 2:48:16 PM | Feedback (2)
When the shooting starts, they have your back Cats? They’ll wing you in the leg so they can make their getaway. Hat tip Michael from Tactilite
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/9/2011 11:13:11 AM | Feedback (7)
He has his finger on the pulse of many of the ills we face in society. Such as this Last week, iMac started taekwondo. In her first class, all three kids got “Great Kid!” awards which made me think “damn, another ‘everyone is the same’ kind of class”. I was wrong, thankfully, and Irelyn was the only student to get an award the next week (she listens very well) and the instructors seem to be pretty no-nonsense which I like. However, it reminded me of all the things my girls do where everyone...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/9/2011 8:56:46 AM | Feedback (8)
I LOL’d Hat Tip Daily Pundit
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/5/2011 12:42:42 PM | Feedback (0)
I disagree with pdb and Caleb. Point Shooting is, by far, the most effective means of putting rounds on a target. The concept is simple - Find a point where you want your bullets to go and shoot it. This may require the use of sights, though.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/4/2011 12:23:33 PM | Feedback (2)
My favorite line “We’ve got a code 500, Server Down!” Hat Tip reader Logan.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/3/2011 12:25:39 PM | Feedback (3)
I’m still up for wearing and using your competitor’s gear and sullying their reputation by my terrible performance. Just makes those checks out to cash!
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/1/2011 10:19:01 AM | Feedback (0)
Saw one of those “Keep Honking… I’m Reloading” bumper stickers this morning. For whatever reason, I pictured a Dillon Square Deal in the back.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/1/2011 9:22:11 AM | Feedback (4)
10. At least makes the offer of candy 9. After molesting you, he won’t rifle through your possessions looking for something to confiscate 8. If Creepy Van Guy is on break, you can still go play on the playground 7. Creepy Van Guy uses fresh gloves 6. Creepy Van won’t give you cancer 5. Creepy Van Guy will let you bring more than 3oz of liquid with you 4. He knows he’s creepy and has the potential to feel bad about it 3. No PSA on TV trying to tell you how good Creepy Van Guy...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/21/2011 12:27:46 PM | Feedback (7)
What's the difference between the TSA and the creepy guy with the windowless van outside the playground? With the creepy guy, you're at least going to be offered candy.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/21/2011 11:25:03 AM | Feedback (2)
Me neither. I didn’t start reading him until posts were required to be 30 words or less. Too bad because his longer posts were a riot. Warning, contains an inordinate amount of references to ‘penis’ and shades of brown.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/13/2011 9:29:45 AM | Feedback (6)
But not this proud. The hidden comic is funny too
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/1/2011 12:09:47 PM | Feedback (2)
RobertaX gives us a few pharmaceutical warning labels we’d like to hear.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/30/2011 11:21:58 AM | Feedback (0)
For those who think criminals follow the law, this won’t be humorous. For the rest of you though…
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posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/22/2011 5:32:48 PM | Feedback (11)
Saw a truck with two bumper stickers. Shit Happens and Obama 2012.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/10/2011 8:21:27 AM | Feedback (3)
I bet his victory speech would be all about how awesome he was for being president and giving the green light.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/6/2011 3:04:07 PM | Feedback (7)
Last night I woke up at 2 AM with the ghost of Gloria Gaynor floating above my bed. First I was afraid… then I was petrified. (Hat Tip #gunblogger_conspiracy chatter, Tarb)
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/20/2011 9:02:57 AM | Feedback (5)
I  Unicode!
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/16/2011 3:03:29 PM | Feedback (6)
So, on my Android running Froyo, I can reject a phone call and send the caller a text message at the same time. This is a nice touch so I can tell them I know they called but couldn’t answer because of Reason X. The phone comes with 5 slots you can use, but the vanilla responses of “In a meeting, please call back” and “In Class” were just boring. So, I edited them a bit. Now callers will be informed that I am on the can and desperately searching for toilet paper. Can’t touch the phone to...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/16/2011 12:38:29 PM | Feedback (10)
The win in this post goes to 11.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/9/2011 11:28:24 AM | Feedback (2)
From FarmDad in #gunblogger_conspiracy (who got it from here) Hillary Clinton notched her highest job approval rating ever in the Gallup Poll Friday at sixty-seven percent. She's twenty-five points ahead of Obama's number. President Obama is so unpopular that Kenyans have begun claiming he was born in the United States.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/11/2011 10:20:59 AM | Feedback (1)
I would assume it plays the Imperial March
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/5/2011 10:31:57 AM | Feedback (0)
(From, which takes the last panel off of the strips, making them very, very depressing)
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posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/31/2011 3:35:55 PM | Feedback (0)
Seems that the flavor of strawberry ice cream doesn’t go well with it Hat Tip Eyes Never Closed
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posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/31/2011 11:29:13 AM | Feedback (3)
For Tam Image courtesy of Oleg Volk
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/29/2011 1:34:37 PM | Feedback (15)
I get a lot of hits for things like “How to turn a gun into fully automatic” and whatnot. Being that doing so in the United States will land you in Federal PMITA Prison (Land of the FREE baby!), I suggest other alternatives such as this handy guide to simulating a fully automatic, hand held firearm, in this case, a full auto AR-15 with a 30 round magazine full of .223 Remington ammo. Punch one .223” hole in the center of the target Punch 4 or 5 of the same size holes above your target ...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/22/2011 3:27:50 PM | Feedback (10)
In today’s economy, how do you start a small business? Buy a big one and wait.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/16/2011 7:20:17 PM | Feedback (1)
JayG brings the funny And remember, you can't spell "schadenfreude" without consulting a dictionary. For me, it’s the F7 key for spell check, but otherwise I concur.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/9/2011 10:05:25 AM | Feedback (1)
Goodnight Dune If you have kids, it’s funny. Hat Tip Coalition of the Swilling
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/3/2011 11:21:07 AM | Feedback (3)
Salesperson: “Good afternoon Ma’am. How can I help you today?” Customer: “Hi, yes, I was hoping to look at banning a gun today” Salesperson: “Absolutely, you’ve come to the right place. We’re one of the top stores in the south-east for banning weaponry. I think you’ll find what you’re looking for as we have a wide selection of firearms for you to demand be banned. What exactly are you looking for?” Customer: “Well, I just got through a rough spot with an abusive ex, and I decided...
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posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/2/2011 9:07:53 AM | Feedback (5)
Go for comedy A very special thanks to Wirecutter for being a good sport about his image. Knuckledraggin my life away is going right into the blogroll.
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posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/28/2011 12:41:23 PM | Feedback (20)
But the comments are pure gold
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/23/2011 7:56:05 PM | Feedback (1)
This elicited quite the chuckle from me
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/23/2011 8:12:37 AM | Feedback (1)
After reading this Yeah, we really need to limit the size of gun magazines. My last one had so many pages that it took me several trips to the john to finish all the articles.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/22/2011 8:19:59 AM | Feedback (2)
I remember the pep talk Gunnery Sargent Alpo gave us like it was yesterday. We had been patrolling the dates and grains market in Diwaniyeh for weeks. After months of hard work, the coalition had finally convinced a large enough portion of the populace to fight back against thieves and insurgents and the resulting drop in attacks and crime bore the fruit of that long struggle. “Superior Tactics!” yelled Gunny Alpo. “We will use superior tactics to continue to keep the terrorists at bay!” Most...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/20/2011 11:46:51 AM | Feedback (2)
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/18/2011 10:22:41 PM | Feedback (6)
You’re wrong. You should see my hits!
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/18/2011 9:33:08 AM | Feedback (4)
SailorCurt brings teh funny. The line about the fawning media having Mr. Super Police Officer’s babies elicited quite the chuckle.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/18/2011 8:31:58 AM | Feedback (0)
Unix-Jedi on #gunblogger_conspiracy <Unix-Jedi> ... you know, I wouldn't have thought it possible, but it's harder to herd wookiesuiters than cats. <Unix-Jedi> at least cats will follow salmon flavored soft food
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/17/2011 3:32:27 PM | Feedback (1)
MASS MURDER MAGAZINES!!! I guess we should be looking for this warning label then? Now available on a T-Shirt
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posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/15/2011 1:10:39 PM | Feedback (7)
A glimpse into my past
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/14/2011 7:33:48 AM | Feedback (0)
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/9/2011 12:48:50 PM | Feedback (3)
Think letting people vote directly on every issue is the right way to go?
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/4/2011 11:26:21 AM | Feedback (11)
I know I’m not the most devout guy on the planet, but I figured it does my spirit well to read from the scriptures on occasion. From the Holy Book of Browning (Old Testament) First Recoilations 8:5 However, the men cried for higher capacity and the Prophet said &quot;For what shall you need large capacity Magazines? Should the 8 rounds of .45 that hath been provided not suffice thee?&quot; 8:6 And the men once again cried no. The Prophet thus again asked why there was need. Forward from.
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posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/2/2011 10:56:00 AM | Feedback (8)
japete is not only an anti-gun shill, she’s apparently also a cartoonist! Well, she might not be a cartoonist, but her positions are definitely cartoon worthy!
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/31/2011 12:55:56 PM | Feedback (2)
When the world finally collapses, there will be no dry-cleaners to service my Wookie suit. So, I’ll be standing amongst the rubble saying “I told you so” while looking like I caught the mange.
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posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/28/2011 11:06:17 AM | Feedback (5)
Would probably be just as misleading about its true size. I’ve always giggled that my .357 can spit out .38’s. And I guess 10mm sounds much better than 10 and four twenty fifths mm. Hat tip Gun Nuts
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posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/26/2011 12:15:18 PM | Feedback (2)
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/26/2011 11:50:16 AM | Feedback (2)
Brady Campaign Response on SOTU Speech in picture form
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/26/2011 8:19:24 AM | Feedback (0)
As many people know, during the recent American Library Association national convention, the FCC released a statement declaring their intent to ban the import of specific books into the United States. The new ruling is to be similar to bans in the Weimar Republic back in the 1930’s. The law looks to target certain books based on the number of foreign words or pages in them and while not naming Manga comics directly, it has indicated that books that serve no ‘entertainment purposes’ would not be.
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posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/23/2011 9:00:59 PM | Feedback (22)
And then there’s Customer Service Looks like I might have some graphics competition from Cheaper Than Dirt
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posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/22/2011 8:36:59 PM | Feedback (5)
The oldest wanted to go see the Hall of Presidents. They really pay attention to detail when they design their robots. Obama’s teleprompter looked realistic as hell. (Shameless stolen from in #gunblogger_conspiracy)
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posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/19/2011 2:13:34 PM | Feedback (8)
Dear Journalists, This is a 30 round clip of ammunition Got it? Thanks! Love, Annoyed Gun People Everywhere Hat tip to Weer'd Beard  for the images of clips.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/18/2011 3:47:51 PM | Feedback (6)
Must Credit Sharp as a Marble Bayard WY – Using recent advances in imaging technology, researchers have claimed that new data indicates measurements of time may exist below the Planck Time. The Planck Length (ℓP) is the scale at which classical ideas about gravity and space-time break down and the distance a photon can travel 1ℓP in a complete vacuum is considered the smallest unit of time that has any meaning. Research Scientist Ken Uheerme who lead the project said in a prepared statement...
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posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/10/2011 10:02:52 AM | Feedback (9)
From the news story in my last post, I was presented with this on the side bar Why do I hear Howard Dean’s scream every time I look at that picture?
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/6/2011 1:36:59 PM | Feedback (7)
At 2:00, Ruger plans on announcing their newest line of KelTec Clones. But what makes this revolutionary is not the pistol, but their patented “Precall” system. 5 minutes before the official release, Ruger will be recalling the LC9, signaling an unprecedented commitment to customer support. I for one am amazed!
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/3/2011 1:46:17 PM | Feedback (13)
I got a package in the mail today. It was my wheelbarrow full of cash I LOL’d. Thanks JK
posted by by Robb Allen @ 12/23/2010 2:09:24 PM | Feedback (8)
Mayonnaise packets – apparently they do expire at some point in time.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 12/14/2010 11:56:47 AM | Feedback (8)
Tam sent me this
posted by by Robb Allen @ 12/13/2010 12:38:35 PM | Feedback (15)
Yes, your new pizza is much better than your old stuff. Yes, I appreciate you sending me emails informing me that I still can get 2, 2 topping, medium pizzas for only $5.99 each. While annoying, I do realize sending me emails telling me I can get artery clogging lunch for cheap too. However, your pizza does most emphatically not make for a good Christmas gift idea.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 12/10/2010 10:28:23 AM | Feedback (5)
Otherwise, I’d spend an inordinate amount of time faking up all sorts of conspiracy related documentation and ‘adding’ them into Wikileaks. Could you imagine what the conspiracy theorists would do with an entire years worth of flight plans for the chemtrails, photographs of the other snipers in position for the Kennedy assassination, and the prop list for the moon landing set?
posted by by Robb Allen @ 12/8/2010 8:35:05 AM | Feedback (2)
Sometimes, it’s probably not the best idea Hat Tip Linoge
posted by by Robb Allen @ 12/3/2010 6:29:53 PM | Feedback (0)
To pick on people with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD
posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/30/2010 3:53:54 PM | Feedback (17)
It is pegged! GRANGEVILL, Idaho (AP) – A northern Idaho sheriff says he is not advocating the illegal shooting of federally protected wolves by offering a hunting rifle and a shovel as the prize in a raffle called “.308 SSS Wolf Pack Raffle” in a region where SSS commonly stands for “shoot, shovel and shut up.” Idaho County Sheriff Doug Giddings tells the Lewiston Tribune that the SSS in the raffle stands for “safety, security and survival.” Idaho. I should move there. Hat Tip...
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posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/30/2010 8:56:28 AM | Feedback (9)
The MILF on the Shelf! It’d sell like hotcakes, don’t you think?
posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/29/2010 12:10:45 PM | Feedback (5)
Say Uncle sent me this link showing how you can buy a Tactilite upper at SEARS And I thought “Damn, I don’t see the Brady Campaign having their products online”. Looks like I was wrong.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/25/2010 8:58:37 PM | Feedback (22)
Here No matter what rules you try to make, those who are determined will find ways around them. Gun laws only affect those who are willing to abide by them, aka those who are not criminals. I guess we should start looking at stricter lamp control laws.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/23/2010 8:47:25 AM | Feedback (1)
Discussing Open Carry with a cohort of mine, I came up with this analogy
posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/16/2010 8:25:54 AM | Feedback (5)
Saw this at the local Kohl’s. Thought I’d take a picture for posterity. (P.S. I submitted this to We’ll see if that’s enough fail for them)
posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/8/2010 2:46:32 PM | Feedback (3)
Joe Huffman mentions writing a program that would emulate the anti-gunner’s arguments. Unfortunately for Joe, something like that has existed for years.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/27/2010 10:08:02 AM | Feedback (0)
Dave Hardy stepped on and was bitten by a diamondback rattler. Poor snake is going to have the taste of lawyer in his mouth for weeks. (In all seriousness, get better Dave!)
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/18/2010 8:28:40 AM | Feedback (4)
With your official Mall Ninja wear
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/14/2010 10:50:57 AM | Feedback (6)
Shortened Tactilite .50BMG Upper on a pistol AR lower… I'll take my Tactilite upper full size and on a regular AR with a stock, thankyouverymuch ;)
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/6/2010 6:25:25 PM | Feedback (23)
From Failblog
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/5/2010 4:14:29 PM | Feedback (13)
The Brady Campaign is whining that Jon Stewart even agrees that banning guns would not stop violence. Man, when you can't even get a comedian to go along with your shtick, you gotta probably think long and hard about the Xanax and Wild Turkey.
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posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/27/2010 10:50:29 AM | Feedback (2)
Can't seem to get my Ship in a Klein Bottle put together correctly.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/22/2010 8:44:54 AM | Feedback (5)
Chapter 1: Text received from M. Smith 6:32PM: sup dood. afrd i be @wrk to 9. Chapter 2: Text received from M. William 6:33PM: sh!t man. ani1 u can get 2 wrk 4 u? ppl alrdy showin up Chapter 3: Text received from M. Smith 6:35PM: sry bud. cnt leave. Wud b CLM Chapter 4: Text received from M. William 6:36PM: 2bad 4u. cul8r The End. Yeah, I don't see any modern classics in this style anytime soon.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/20/2010 9:30:43 AM | Feedback (6)
I could always bean the zombie in the head with a printer.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/17/2010 2:45:09 PM | Feedback (6)
&#160; As a side note, I am displeased that the change will come in the form of Republicans who are just as statist as the Democrats, but at least we will have a little bit of gridlock. Also, for those with thin skin, the 'logo' is indicating that the current crop of Democrat politicians' jobs are targeted, this is not a physical threat to Democrats. It's crazy I even have to write that.
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posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/16/2010 8:42:42 AM | Feedback (5)
Ok, ok, The Brady Campaign sure. And the VPC, and MikeB, and The Joyce Foundation, and the Million Dozen Mom March, yeah yeah yeah. But really, who else? This video is chock full of poor gun handling skills, clichés, and every negative thing you can think of about guns in general, but I couldn't help but giggle. Go ahead, have a giggle yourself. Hat tip Everyday, No Days Off
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/14/2010 8:41:11 AM | Feedback (7)
And if you happen to be launching watermelons with a giant slingshot, it also helps to possibly avoid being 180° from the line of fire.
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posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/8/2010 2:27:13 PM | Feedback (15)
It has NOTHING on this I'm telling you, whoever edited the video was screwing with these girls. A Glock & Wesson 45mm FPO designed in 1789 by Colt Koch? That's got to be a joke. A funny joke, nonetheless. Hat tip Everyday, No Days Off
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/8/2010 8:36:11 AM | Feedback (6)
But any politician who will celebrate a victory by dipping his testicles into a cup of pudding totally would get my vote.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/1/2010 12:35:40 PM | Feedback (3)
I should write a screenplay for a Terminator sequel where instead of the Machines coming back into the past, Paul Helmke goes into the future to try to explain to the resistance why they shouldn't be using guns.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/24/2010 12:47:37 PM | Feedback (5)
Just for the paper needed to print these off. Warning labels for newspapers
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/14/2010 9:07:30 AM | Feedback (5)
Part of my switch to the Glock 20 was thinking I would also shoot USPSA or IDPA competition with my carry piece. Unlike Caleb or Kevin, my goals for shooting competition are more focused around simply becoming a better shooter, not becoming better than other competitors. I understand completely that competitive shooting is not the same as real life, but it's a marked improvement over standing still, only shooting at static targets at a fixed distance. Let's face it, the factory sights on a...
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posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/12/2010 9:53:09 PM | Feedback (3)
Not approved by PETA
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/28/2010 12:49:45 PM | Feedback (1)
Top Douchebag Sums up my feelings.
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posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/14/2010 10:10:56 PM | Feedback (2)
Already, the Wikipedia entry on the Brady Campaign has been modified to reflect the recent McDonald ruling! Click to embiggen
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/28/2010 1:27:29 PM | Feedback (10)
Vicious Circle #55 is up. Please join alan, Silver, Weer'd Beerd, JayG, Breda and occasionally myself between doodles as we attempt to stay on tangent while constantly getting derailed by topics.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/18/2010 11:29:27 AM | Feedback (0)
Did this while recording Vicious Circle. Which tells you a lot about what it takes to record one of those. It's been done before, I'm sure. But what the heck…
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/17/2010 11:27:37 PM | Feedback (1)
Yup. This settles the whole argument right here
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/16/2010 7:06:29 PM | Feedback (4)
With their donations running dry, gun ownership on the rise, and not a single court case going their way (well, except this one), I figured the Sad Panda icon wasn't enough Hat tip to Linoge for the idea!
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/11/2010 6:48:28 PM | Feedback (9)
Mr. Smooth
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/10/2010 12:54:49 PM | Feedback (1)
My poor daughters. Last night, my oldest had to work on her spelling words. She has to write each word twice, then write 5 sentences using them. Two of the words were toward and light. My wife suggested one of her sentences was &quot;Go toward the light, Carol Anne!&quot;. She wrote it. Granted, her teacher barely looks old enough to drive, she might not get the reference. I still got a giggle out of it.
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posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/27/2010 9:23:29 AM | Feedback (6)
Put damned funny. Not necessarily NSFW, but not exactly SFW either.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/25/2010 3:50:23 PM | Feedback (3)
Is there nothing the media can't screw up? Even Gun Nuts Media? The Hi-Cap version features Para’s high capacity 1911 frame which holds .45 rounds of .45 ACP ammo. Yeah, that's what I want. An expensive pistol that can't even hold half of one round ;)
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/24/2010 10:59:55 AM | Feedback (7)
Charlotte, NC – In what may be a key victory for the prominent gun control group in the United States, The Brady Campaign has issued a press release regarding a legal victory over the NRA. Brady director Paul Helmke emerged from the downtown Charlotte Criminal Courts Department visibly jubilant with a victorious smile and was greeted by throngs of 2 or 3 supporters. In a prepared statement, Mr. Helmke addressed the crowd saying "The string of defeats we have suffered at the hands of the...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/20/2010 12:35:55 PM | Feedback (5)
Say Uncle points to this little nugget of info from the NRA Blog City officials estimate the convention drew close to 80,000 attendees over the weekend and brought in about $20 million dollars. To which he quips And what did the anti-gun show bring in? While I'm not a fan of the anti-gunners out there, it's not honest to claim they have no sort of economic impact. For example So, you know. They have that going for them. (Image Courtesy of Alan from Snarky...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/17/2010 10:04:41 AM | Feedback (7)
Because you'll get treated to little joys like this “Their air power is made up of giant purple pterodactyls, with scramjets for buttholes. They fart themselves to mach 4 and sexually assault F-22s!” Wish I could write like that…
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/16/2010 8:49:51 PM | Feedback (3)
While we've all been focusing our efforts on the upcoming Zombie apocalypse here on Terra Firma, it appears it's already started up in space. What’s confounding scientists is that even though the satellite is toast, it continues to operate at full power, but with nobody telling it what to do. Why on earth we should care: The “zombiesat” (as its known in space talk) could steal a working sat signal, and interrupt programming for its customers. Jennifer asks "What caliber for...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/13/2010 8:50:49 AM | Feedback (2)
When you absolutely cannot be bothered to protect your family with a real caliber. Joke shamelessly stolen from pdb
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posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/12/2010 12:51:34 PM | Feedback (14)
Following a long string of poor decisions, Obama's choice for a replacement for the retiring Justice Stevens is one that will have deleterious effects for generations to come. Nominating an Immortal to the Supreme Court is just asking for trouble. They will be there forever unless someone beheads them and will generally rule in favor of laws that benefit the Gathering rather than focus on the effects of laws as they pertain to the Constitution of the United States of America. In this regard,..
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posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/10/2010 10:32:59 AM | Feedback (7)
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/6/2010 1:51:57 PM | Feedback (11)
You know, it's said on a regular basis that people who carry firearms to places like Starbucks, playgrounds, etc. must be compensating for a small penis. This clearly indicates that those who don't carry guns have a larger phallus and therefore are better suited to stopping crime with it. How does that work? Does the guy demanding your wallet simply drop his knife and run like hell when you whip out your 9" dong or do you have to use it as a bludgeoning device to get your point...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/28/2010 10:47:06 AM | Feedback (17)
Apparently, I'm missing out on some great conversations at the Gunblogger's Conspiracy with being sick and all <Unix-Jedi> We’re the Hateumhippies tribe <WestByGod-Iraq> spotted owls are good. you just need about 30 of them. pluck and deep-fry whole. <Lee_TotC> Unix-Jedi, who is the chief of that tribe <WestByGod-Iraq> then peel the skin off to eat, and throw the rest away <alan> kinda like dove then <Unix-Jedi> Chief Running SUV...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/23/2010 9:13:14 AM | Feedback (1)
Hey, Eotech, I know a damned good web guy you could hire. Granted your menu would have something to do more with pants removal and less with balls and whores (click for bigginess) Hat tip Ry who has enough of 'em all to go around. Update – Looks like they've taken down the offending menu items.
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posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/11/2010 8:42:29 PM | Feedback (1)
You'd think I was famous for this or something &#160; That'll be going on the car, much to the wife's chagrin Thanks a ton Less! Sorry about not getting the link up, was in a major hurry to play with the new toy before the daughter's sleep over started.
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posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/1/2010 6:30:08 PM | Feedback (2)
Is it ok to rage against the machine after you've put in your quarter? UPDATED – Compounding the irony, there appears to be a ®, insinuating that there's a registered trademark.
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posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/30/2010 9:07:12 AM | Feedback (5)
Just saw someone hit my site via a Yahoo! search for "how to dial 911 on dead battery on my iphone". If your battery has died on your iPhone and you are in need for emergency services, here are the steps you should take Place your iPhone, connector side first, into your rectum. Assuming your anal sphincter provides 10KΩ resistance, promptly shit 5VDC. You should be good to go. Glad I could help.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/29/2010 9:17:10 PM | Feedback (9)
{Scene – A large server room. Sirens and claxons are going off while red lights flash and illuminate the terrified faces of the sys-admins} Manager: Dammit Johnson, what in the hell is going on? Johnson: We don't know yet sir. Looks like we're getting a Denial of Service attack, but I've never seen anything on this scale before in my life. Manager: Why are web servers 3 & 4 smoking? Johnson: It looks like they cannot handle the sheer number of requests coming in sir. One of the...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/29/2010 12:15:18 PM | Feedback (10)
I'm getting one of these. A hell of a lot cheaper, to be sure!
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/25/2010 8:37:41 AM | Feedback (2)
Just wrote this in an email worthless as Dennis Hennigan at a Bill Of Rights Recital. I crack myself up.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/23/2010 11:14:26 AM | Feedback (0)
But it seems to fit Then one of the Twelve—the one called Bart &quot;Judas&quot; Stupak—went to the chief priests and asked, &quot;What are you willing to give me if I bend over for you?&quot; So they wrote out for him an IOU for thirty silver coins and said &quot;We pinky swear we'll give you this. Later&quot; . From then on Stupak watched for an opportunity to bend over.
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posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/22/2010 1:18:43 PM | Feedback (3)
For many years, the Bristol Stool Chart has been an invaluable medical aid in classifying human feces. As the Brady Campaign and various other gun banners are prone to PSH I figured it would benefit the gun owners society if I, too, made a chart to classify the anti-gun's undie-soiling past time. I present to you, the Brady PSH Chart (warning, contains visuals of poo)
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/18/2010 3:17:31 PM | Feedback (12)
Unix Jedi sent me this link I mean, crime in Gotham City doesn't exactly seem to be affected by a man dressed as a bat flapping around the place. But no-one disobeys a man wearing a necklace of human nipples. "I'm Batman" isn't cutting it in the striking-fear-into-their-hearts stakes. But "I'm Batman -- and I'm here for your nipples" is an entirely different proposition. Funny stuff, if a bit dated.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/17/2010 8:51:57 AM | Feedback (1)
Instead of buying shotguns for the Department of Education, why not just buy Air Soft rifles at a fraction of the cost and then convert them?
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/12/2010 9:38:52 AM | Feedback (5)
All-black penguin discovered King Penguins are notorious for their prim, tuxedoed appearance -- but a recently discovered all-black penguin seems unafraid to defy convention. In what has been described as a "one in a zillion kind of mutation," biologists say that the animal has lost control of its pigmentation, an occurrence that is extremely rare. Other than the penguin's monochromatic outfit, the animal appears to be perfectly healthy. I admit I was surprised it wasn't blamed...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/11/2010 12:34:46 PM | Feedback (5)
  Comes with optional heated seats and ambidextrous magazine release. Nice!
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/25/2010 11:37:50 AM | Feedback (8)
Yes… Yes I am I wonder if this is anyone we know. If not, I'd like to friend them. Hat Tip Random Nuclear Strikes
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/22/2010 7:28:42 PM | Feedback (6)
I'm getting one of these Hat Tip Say Uncle, who apparently started the meme here.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/12/2010 3:25:37 PM | Feedback (24)
I'm still shaken up over yesterday afternoon. For one reason or another, work had to cut me a physical check rather than direct deposit. Being that I now work within walking distance to my bank, the Mrs. requested that I simply drop by on my way home and deposit it. It was a very, very difficult time for me. I had to walk inside a bank. Me. Armed to the teeth in a place we're told where there's no need to carry weaponry.  It took every last ounce of self control to override the Glock's...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/12/2010 1:46:53 PM | Feedback (5)
Apparently Obama was supposed to give a conference condemning Sarah Palin's use of &quot;Crib Notes&quot; but was unable to attend when it was discovered that the teleprompter was not working properly.
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posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/9/2010 4:02:27 PM | Feedback (6)
Scary that this stuff could easily be carried around on the street and nobody would be the wiser. Personally, I'm digging the shotgun / Kleenex combo. Hat tip Say Uncle
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/9/2010 9:16:01 AM | Feedback (1)
I've always considered XKCD to be apolitical. The alt text to this comic though appears to be a jab at the Teleprompter Jesus. Maybe it's just my politics coloring my judgment though. Update – After reading it again, it's my political preferences coloring what I see. Knowing the author, he's more concerned about the failures of the process than Obama getting a shiny medal.
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posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/8/2010 9:05:16 AM | Feedback (3)
Vicious Circle #37 is up with alan, JayG, aepilot Jim, Stingray & Labrat, and myself. Fun times with Beer Nuts and pickles in ZipLoc bags.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/29/2010 9:20:22 AM | Feedback (1)
Google is funny, eh?
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/26/2010 4:01:32 PM | Feedback (6)
Wonderful, hilarious blasphemy. Not even John Moses Browning is safe.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/24/2010 10:28:09 AM | Feedback (2)
Seriously, guys. Bush has been out of office for nearly a year and even before then, the Democrats were in charge of Congress. It's time to put this away for good.
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posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/19/2010 8:31:02 AM | Feedback (5)
A quote from #gunbloggers_conspiracy discussing the need for calculators to do simple multiplication (12:07:55 PM) Salamander: I don't negotiate with integers. *Win*
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posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/15/2010 12:10:22 PM | Feedback (4)
It's flying jellyfishes. We are so screwed.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/11/2010 11:04:15 AM | Feedback (1)
Is that it might be construed that I think the Republican candidate would be any better.   Depressing as hell to think about, isn't it?
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/8/2010 1:25:56 PM | Feedback (3)
From Say Uncle You'll shoot your eye out. And the neighbor's eye. And possibly your neighbor's neighbor's eye. But then it'll jam on the next shot.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 12/30/2009 10:20:45 AM | Feedback (1)
posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/16/2009 6:40:00 PM | Feedback (15)
Deer loses battle with lawn ornament A love-struck buck ran out of luck a week ago. The seven-point buck was killed when it rammed a 640-pound concrete statue of an elk in the backyard of Mark and Carol Brye's home in rural Viroqua. Best part of the entire story Brye claimed the buck with a tag from the Vernon County conservation warden. He laughed at the warden's tag note: "lawn ornament fight - lost." I swear, I know some people who'd have given that deer a run for its...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/10/2009 9:56:48 AM | Feedback (6)
But this image of Alan I did is a hoot Original picture by Breda
posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/5/2009 1:34:23 PM | Feedback (3)
Twitter can do this?
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/28/2009 7:13:34 PM | Feedback (5)
To buy Caleb one of these UPDATE: Never mind, Caleb's wife made this one, for the win.
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posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/26/2009 8:04:11 PM | Feedback (21)
Will each post at The Brady Campaign / The Gun Guys have a disclaimer at the bottom indicating it was bought and paid for by the Joyce Foundation? Will the NYT be forced to disclose under each editorial "The proceeding article was provided as an In-Kind donation to the DNC"?
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/7/2009 9:49:53 AM | Feedback (2)
The O-lympics Track and field events will include Bail Jumping, Legal Hurdles, Blame Throwing and the always popular Graftathalon. And the *snerk* factor just keeps getting better.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/30/2009 10:07:26 AM | Feedback (4)
Then I suggest going here. It's like a train wreck in slo-motion, but the train is all bondo and Dixie flags, driven by a fat man wearing a speedo, a tank top, and sporting a kick ass mullet. Wait, that's a chick…
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posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/27/2009 8:08:40 PM | Feedback (5)
Practice for the inevitable with Full Color Zombie Targets
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/17/2009 10:42:33 AM | Feedback (1)
Maybe it's about time to put this thing away for good.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/16/2009 8:04:27 PM | Feedback (41)
Obama bullshits us! Yes… Yes he does. I'm still not buying any penis pill from you, though.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/13/2009 5:51:56 PM | Feedback (3)
From #gunblogger_conspiracy, discussing my upcoming MRI tomorrow. (11:03:31 AM) Unix-Jedi: Programmer Robb Allen. Microsoft Weenie. Gun nut, searching for a solution for his shoulder pain. Then an accidental power surge in the MRI alters his pants. Now when Robb Allen grows stifled or uncomfortable, a startling metamorphis occurs. The Creature is driven by rage of pants and pursued by an investigative reporter. "Ms. Couric, don't make me uncomfortable. You wouldn't like my pants when...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/9/2009 11:05:24 AM | Feedback (0)
Seen elsewhere, and with a few small modifications, I present to you the Journalist's Guide to Firearms Identification
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/8/2009 8:17:21 AM | Feedback (22)
So, I keep seeing these signs while driving - "Adult Co-Ed Kickball". I guess doubles hopscotch and adult red rover were hot last season.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/30/2009 11:24:15 AM | Feedback (4)
Folks, this is big. I wasn't all into the whole 'birther' thing, but I just received this fax that proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that Obama is not eligible to be President of the United States. This is an exclusive document found only here at Sharp as a Marble! I have verified its authenticity and feel that this is too important to keep quiet over. Ladies and gentlemen, proof positive that Barack Hussein Obama is not American born!
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/28/2009 8:50:55 AM | Feedback (162)
Sounds like a decent business plan to me
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/22/2009 7:47:22 PM | Feedback (7)
The tree of liberty must be mulched from time to time with the pants of tyrants and patriots Yuri
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/14/2009 7:17:09 PM | Feedback (0)
Female gang may have killed midget wrestlers With a headline like that, the rest of the story is pretty much irrelevant. Hat Tip Traction Control
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/2/2009 8:20:37 AM | Feedback (0)
Apparently, I do have a limit to what I'm willing to put on the internet. You see, when you get an anonymous packaged in the mail containing a small, bright pink, baby-t shirt that says this You try the damned thing on. Notice the neck and how stretched it is? I looked in the mirror and realized that if a picture of me wearing that ever got loose on the Interweb Tubes, I would risk losing my job, my wife, my house, my kids, etc. etc. I have finally found my 'shame' threshold. However, to.
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posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/1/2009 8:35:36 PM | Feedback (6)
Ever wonder what eating a bowl of heroin for breakfast does to the human body? The Superficial has the picture. Gawd that's scary!
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/24/2009 5:08:50 PM | Feedback (0)
To the person who came here searching for "10 minute hot sex videos", I'm afraid you're at the wrong place.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/16/2009 2:15:22 PM | Feedback (2)
The best Venn diagram, EVAH Thanks to Say Uncle
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/9/2009 1:24:26 PM | Feedback (0)
This will be something you see in each room of the mansion Hat tip Murdoc, who is a sad panda because that's not his safe.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/5/2009 3:21:50 PM | Feedback (10)
What's the difference between a "No Guns Allowed" sign and this? When you get down to it, a sign asking a bad guy not to do something bad is stupid, regardless if you're asking them to not bring in their guns or to not rob the place. But stupid people require stupid solutions I guess.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/4/2009 9:20:09 AM | Feedback (2)
Oh, I see you already have. Hat Tip Linoge
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/3/2009 8:56:04 PM | Feedback (4)
If I were you, I'd take this advice
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/2/2009 3:07:26 PM | Feedback (1)
An actual phone call I just got off of Dealership: How can I help you? Robb: I need to bring in my GTI for the 10,000 mile checkup Dealership: Last name? Robb: Allen. A L L E N Dealership: First name? Robb: Robb. R O B B Dealership: Mark? Robb: …
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posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/26/2009 12:26:27 PM | Feedback (2)
Funniest thing I've seen today.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/21/2009 10:17:21 AM | Feedback (0)
Frank J. could make a funeral funny as it is, but here's a list of gun slogans that should get you chortling in no time (dead people not required). Some samples Because perps won’t waste themselves. The only FDA approved cure for stupidity. God made man, Samuel Colt made them awesome. Because diving for cover while swinging two swords doesn’t really work. Ever try to do a drive-by stabbing? Because sometimes people don’t listen. When this time it’s not a cry for help. ...
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posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/18/2009 3:32:43 PM | Feedback (1)
A Ruger walks into a bar {Punchline has been recalled}
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/15/2009 3:14:40 PM | Feedback (10)
Phil at Random Nuclear Strikes Billiards chalk is 7/8 of an inch per side and even when hit with something as slow moving as a standard velocity 22LR out of a pistol, makes a bigger poof than Charles Nelson Riley.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/14/2009 10:32:01 AM | Feedback (0)
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/6/2009 9:04:51 AM | Feedback (3)
Jay G Holy Mary, mother of G-d. This has got to be the pants-shittingest, fear-mongeringest, blown-all-to-hell-out-of-proportionest headline I have ever seen in my entire life. "Killer flu" - there has been one reported death in the US, meaning that this flu has killed the same number of people as Ted Kennedy. Yet they don't refer to Fat Teddy as "KILLER SENATOR"...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/30/2009 12:10:42 PM | Feedback (3)
Chatting with Greg, discussing how shooting clays is a good introduction to newbies and firearms. Greg: When you hit your first clay, you remember how that felt? Me-Gmail: No, I'm from Georgia. I can't remember what I felt like when I hit my first clay. I was drunk. And only 6. Ah, the good old days when you could walk around without pants and it was considered "Cute" rather than "Call 911 Type Creepy".
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/23/2009 2:17:51 PM | Feedback (0)
Over at Uncle's place In Texas, we have over 2300 separate felonies alone….including 11 involving oysters. Great. Another state I'm not welcome in.
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posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/23/2009 8:59:37 AM | Feedback (4)
  From Criggo
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/22/2009 9:16:14 AM | Feedback (1)
Not a bad idea at all! In fact, I might just move here.
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posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/21/2009 1:27:00 PM | Feedback (2)
When slogans go bad…
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/15/2009 10:05:02 AM | Feedback (3)
What's not to love?
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/14/2009 6:02:58 PM | Feedback (0)
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/14/2009 12:06:30 PM | Feedback (0)
Joe writes concerning Snark™ For quality Tam does far better than I can even dream of. Robb Allen doesn't quite have the quality of Tam but seeing them side by side for a few days: And it was obvious Robb has the edge on quantity. Tam's writing ability is razor sharp. She comes up with turns of phrases I can only dream of. I still giggle when I think of this classic Going to a Bond flick and complaining about the lack of a plot is like going to an Episcopalian church service.
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posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/11/2009 9:19:11 AM | Feedback (5)
Obama Reaches Out to 'Moderate' Pirate Community For too long, America has been too dismissive of the proud culture and invaluable contributions of the Pirate Community. Whether it is their pioneering work with prosthetics, husbandry of tropical birds or fanciful fashion sense, America owes a deep debt to Pirates.
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posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/10/2009 3:22:49 PM | Feedback (4)
Obama to require the Steelers to redistribute their Super Bowl Trophies The Super Bowl XLIII Champion Pittsburgh Steelers, the only team to win six titles, will soon be loosing half of those trophies. After a meeting between NFL Commissioner Rodger Gadel and President Barack Obama, Obama decided to redistribute half of their Steeler Super Bowl victories and trophies to less fortunate teams in the league. Read the whole thing. While it's a humorous take, it's not funny when you consider...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/26/2009 8:18:21 AM | Feedback (2)
From a conversation with Greg (2:31:18 PM) Me-Gmail: Heh. Just commented over at Tam's place. The Turing word? snoammo. As in, there snoammo anywhere to be found. (2:31:42 PM) Greg: Haha. (2:34:35 PM) Greg: I like how all the blogspot captcha words are pronounce-able now (2:35:06 PM) Me-Gmail: Well, there's a direct correlation to how easy a word is to type and how pronounceable it is. (2:35:33 PM) Me-Gmail: That's a scientific fact I just pulled from my nether regions,...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/24/2009 2:39:19 PM | Feedback (0)
A – Not because it's racist, but because there aren't any pictures of primates with a teleprompter.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/20/2009 1:42:37 PM | Feedback (4)
Tam How come when I put my AmEx bill on my Visa, it's stupid, but when the government does it, it's stimulus? Snark. She makes it look so easy.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/18/2009 10:12:28 AM | Feedback (2)
I just figured out how to take our country back without bloodshed or political maneuvering. Simply hack President Jugears' teleprompter. Ol' Ears can't talk without it, we could make him say whatever we want! Hey, it worked on Charles Barkley
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/17/2009 11:06:47 AM | Feedback (7)
Just found this site. I've literally got tears in my eyes right now at work. It's gems like this that really tickle my funny bone
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/16/2009 1:49:21 PM | Feedback (0)
A free concert for nonviolence ends in… wait for it… wait for it… SILVER SPRING, Md. (AP) - Montgomery County police say 16 people were arrested after a fight broke out during a concert held to promote nonviolence and to remember a Silver Spring teen killed last year. Pacifism – a self defeating philosophy.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/9/2009 10:53:25 AM | Feedback (3)
Clay chicken, that is Picture by Greg, from a successful clay pigeon hunt this afternoon.
...Read More
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/8/2009 9:06:16 PM | Feedback (2)
I should get tickets to this when it comes to town
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/4/2009 10:41:12 AM | Feedback (4)
I swear, I have conversations similar in tone like this all the time. My continued employment is still an unending source of amazement.
...Read More
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/3/2009 11:58:51 AM | Feedback (0)
A community is missing its organizer
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/19/2009 1:21:01 PM | Feedback (3)
Jay G. gives us a breakdown of what they say vs. what they mean
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/19/2009 9:53:56 AM | Feedback (0)
After seeing this, my idea for "The Pig with No Pants" doesn't seem as creepy.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/13/2009 10:03:11 AM | Feedback (5)
So true... so true
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/27/2009 8:53:38 AM | Feedback (2)
But every time I look at this picture I bust out laughing And I love cats.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/23/2009 11:48:14 AM | Feedback (4)
For example, I used to have to lug a laptop to the bathroom if I wanted to blog while doing my business but now I can do it with only my cell phone. Oh, look. We're low on toilet paper.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/21/2009 7:01:24 PM | Feedback (5)
The Sound Grenade Sound Grenade generates a really, really annoying, nauseating and headache producing high pitched sound. I installed it today and tried it out on my coworkers. Absolutely stunning in how it works. Instantly people start looking around to see what in the heck is causing that annoying sound. Best part? I can't hear a damned thing. Not unless I point the speakers at my head. Apparently it's that frequency that you lose as you get older but kids can seem to still hear. Oddly,...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/21/2009 5:36:24 PM | Feedback (7)
I was proud to be an American when being proud wasn't cool. Still am, come to think about it. Apparently, there's a lot of new Americans today who weren't Americans before the inauguration. So, now do I get to voice dissent and show my patriotism or is that passé? It's hard for me. I mean, I'm tragically unhip as it is even though I just picked up an iPhone. I thought maybe that would help. Apparently not much.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/20/2009 6:25:33 PM | Feedback (4)
It's still funny   Had the midget been on fire and riding a tricycle, it would have been perfect.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/12/2009 9:58:34 AM | Feedback (2)
For Christmas my parents bought my family passes to our local aquarium. We got the pass in the mail yesterday with this letter I'm generous like that.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/7/2009 9:00:08 AM | Feedback (2)
I mean.... seriously?
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/6/2009 6:04:43 PM | Feedback (10)
Salmonella and nipples
posted by by Robb Allen @ 12/10/2008 10:02:55 AM | Feedback (14)
posted by by Robb Allen @ 12/5/2008 9:14:16 AM | Feedback (2)
I prefer the answer of "No carpet. Hardwood floors" myself.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/24/2008 11:23:46 AM | Feedback (11)
Four officers used batons and capsicum spray to remove him. They found a 750-millilitre jar around his penis and noted that Weatherley attempted to continue "pleasuring himself in between bouts of wrestling". A search of his car uncovered pornography, a home-made sex aid, women's stockings and a Jack Russell terrier. I guess that's how they roll Down Under
posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/21/2008 10:38:10 AM | Feedback (2)
posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/14/2008 10:18:53 AM | Feedback (5)
Uncle wears Crocs?
posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/13/2008 8:45:31 AM | Feedback (8)
Basic Instructions - How to Make It Clear That You're Joking I have a tendency to skip to the last step though...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/22/2008 7:54:33 PM | Feedback (2)
McCain buys ad-space in some video games. Of course, he's a little behind the times.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/20/2008 12:29:06 PM | Feedback (2)
The AFL-CIO has mailed 80,000 flyers to try to paint over Obama's horrific record on Second Amendment support by showing a tough guy who supposedly likes his guns and thinks Obama is the cat's meow. Personally, I'm not sure this mailer is going to have the intended effect, but that's just me
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/15/2008 7:30:54 AM | Feedback (2)
Speaking with Greg about the IDPA match on Sunday and if he'd like to come along Greg - I wish these matches weren't on Sundays. Its really hard for me to decide whether I want to cling to my guns, or my religion.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/8/2008 8:44:47 AM | Feedback (2)
From a blog post discussing electric cars and their place in NASCAR - If NASCAR goes electric, CNN wonders, will fans stick around? Do they love the roar or the engines or the speed at which the cars move? Will they be satisfied with one but not the other? One commenter has his finger on the pulse of humanity I am 100% sure that as soon as the first crash happens and all you can hear is the car being shred to pieces accompanied by the death cry of the driver that fans will not want to go...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/7/2008 1:40:39 PM | Feedback (0)
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/26/2008 9:15:03 AM | Feedback (0)
But #3?
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/23/2008 2:00:00 PM | Feedback (3)
If I were in the market for a Fiat, I'd buy it from this place
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/16/2008 8:29:36 PM | Feedback (3)
But of course, he's not talking about Palin 10. You can put perfume and a fancy dress on a whore, but it's still $25 to get your rocks off9. You know what you won't get with an Obama administration? Two words - Moose Knuckles8. It's the difference between a sneaky midget and a former Mayor of Wasilla in a race - you know, one is a cunning runt7. You can be the winner of the Eukanuba Championship and still be a bitch.6. Arranging a pot luck dinner for your redneck friends doesn't equate to...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/9/2008 8:53:52 PM | Feedback (18)
Dr. Laurent had waited for this moment for practically all his life. The Large Hadron Collider hummed beneath his observation booth, ready for the first run. His hand paused above the activation switch just long enough for the few members of the press present to take a few pictures. He hated the dog and pony show this moment had become, but the press was necessary to provide the proof that the LHC would not destroy the world. "Gentlemen," Dr. Laurent spoke with authority, "I give you the Large...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/8/2008 7:08:39 PM | Feedback (3)
Because this is EXACTLY what would be going through my mind See more funny videos at Funny or Die
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/5/2008 9:42:59 AM | Feedback (6)
I heard that at the Republican National Convention they requested that there be special stalls in the men's bathroom to accommodate persons with a wide stance.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/3/2008 12:58:57 PM | Feedback (4)
From Sebastian's picture of me "Robb giving us the glamour pose" Justthisguy says: Y’know, I was thinking about saving Joe’s chimp-typing pic of Robb to my hard drive, to show to Robb’s kids later so they could use it for blackmail data (ed - he's talking about the last picture here), but then I thought; how can you blackmail somebody who does not understand the concept of shame?
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/25/2008 9:03:02 PM | Feedback (0)
And Christmas Ornaments
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/17/2008 7:02:13 PM | Feedback (1)
From an IM conversation Gregory says:if you can't laugh at yourself, what can you laugh at?Robb Allen says:YouRobb Allen says: Retarded kids Robb Allen says:The handicapped Robb Allen says:It's easy, actually
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/15/2008 10:27:38 AM | Feedback (11)
In appropriately dim light, the Dr. Pepper and coffee beans closely resemble one another. Great care should be taken to not consume both at the same time mistaking one for the other. Those are two great tastes that taste like ass together.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/11/2008 4:34:18 PM | Feedback (2)
alogotrophy n. 1753 -1853 excessive nutrition of part of body resulting in deformity Was he born with that huge head, or is it the result of alogotrophy? For modern usage, AlGoreTrophy can be substituted.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/4/2008 5:32:47 PM | Feedback (0)
Especially when you send this picture to Sebastian's father.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/23/2008 4:30:24 PM | Feedback (0)
Somehow, I don't think the Mrs. would have liked it though...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/22/2008 11:39:51 AM | Feedback (2)
Tank tops and shooting do not mix. Ever. Guess what happens when stubborn girl wearing tank top/sports bra combo focuses on upper body form and locks her left arm while shooting?      A.  Her hits are better.      B.  Tank top/sports bra combo makes perfect basket for hot brass.      C.  There is laughter on video.*     D.  All of the above. Drop by to see the video.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/21/2008 5:58:21 PM | Feedback (0)
They use the side loading models!
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/18/2008 4:51:35 PM | Feedback (0)
Coworker (showing the GPS feature on his new iPhone): See, it uses GPS and shows you where you are. Of course, it shows me as being in the parking garage. Me: Close enough for a Hellfire...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/16/2008 7:45:54 PM | Feedback (0)
The following statement was apparently uttered by the head of the AANR, the American Association for Nude Recreation "We're a family-oriented association," Schuttauf said. "That's very important, and we've been saying that for 75 years. There isn't an awful lot of room for co-existence." Next up, CEO of NAMBLA claiming it's a way to get children closer to male role models...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/15/2008 12:29:20 PM | Feedback (0)
Bills, more than likely...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/15/2008 3:29:13 AM | Feedback (0)
As in, that's all they're going to be able to look for now. They've reduced themselves to admitting that over half the gun deaths they claim are suicides. Sebastian has a good article on what that means for the Brady Campaign. So why are the anti-gun folks pushing this so hard?  Are they desperate?  Are they stupid?  I think the answer to the former is a little, and to the latter, no.  I couldn’t figure out why they might be latching on to an argument that’s clearly not going to get any...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/11/2008 4:57:53 PM | Feedback (0)
I can't talk long. I dare not hold my head up too high lest someone blow it clean off. It's D-7 and counting here in Florida. On July 1st, a stupid law went into effect that allowed a select class of people to legally be allowed to store a firearm in their cars when they came to work. The aftermath was predictable. It's been seven days of blood in the cubicles. Oh shit! There's a gun battle waging on right now over toner near printer 5. I think Mandy from accounting just submitted her last TPS...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/7/2008 1:08:47 PM | Feedback (0)
I need some legal advice. I want to see if I have a case against Home Depot. Yesterday I went to buy a new grill, a Weber Genesis E-320. While waiting for someone to get a forklift and get the last, black one off the very top shelf, I was forced against my will to listen to Hanson's Mmm-Bop. Nobody, not even terrorists, should have that kind of torture put upon them. I'm thinking about asking $12 million in damages. Sound reasonable?
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/7/2008 12:25:35 PM | Feedback (0)
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/26/2008 5:32:00 PM | Feedback (0)
This sawed-off shotgun was found in one of the vehicles at a party bust by the "Party Patrol." The "Party Patrol" is manned by King Country Sheriff's deputies and other local police agencies that crack down on underage parties to discourage teens from getting drunk and driving. [link] Um. Is 0" barrel length considered legal? It's almost like the media doesn't understand firearms. Hat Tip Outrageous Malfunction
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/22/2008 3:42:35 PM | Feedback (5)
This may come as a shock to many of you, but after years and years of stories of unnecessary and needless violence, I've finally changed my stance. Too many lives have been lost for me to continue to believe in some mythical right to own things that are devastating our children and our communities. I hope you will all open your minds and realize why I made the choice that I did. So, without further adieu, please welcome my full support and membership into The Brady Campaign to Prevent Gnu...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/22/2008 1:32:59 PM | Feedback (9)
Notice how every parent of someone shot or killed by the police for doing something blatently illegal always says the same thing like how good their kid normally was and whatever it was they were doing that caused them to get shot was not normal? This parent takes the cake. Her daughter wasn't holding a rifle, but rather a puppy. I'd quote it, but I can't afford the AP's rates. Update: Bonus! Here's the real story the AP stole. But that's not the story from Jennings' mother, Patricia Jennings....
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/20/2008 3:44:25 PM | Feedback (5)
I think Saddam got busted for the same thing Melvin was charged with possession of a hoax weapon of mass destruction, being a felon in possession of a firearm, being a felon in possession of a Class 3 device -- the silencer -- and violation of probation.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/12/2008 7:59:32 AM | Feedback (2)
A gift from the world's most dangerous reference librarian. And yeah, my eyebrow is doing some sort of magic, S-curve thing...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/10/2008 12:02:06 PM | Feedback (3)
From a guy at work's girlfriend. She snapped this with her cell phone on her way to work this morning That, my friends, is Grade-A Nuttiness. I'm not making fun of the message, rather the messenger. There's something about homemade signs on light paper, duct taped to the side of your van that just says "I get in arguments with myself. Daily".
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/3/2008 12:09:08 PM | Feedback (7)
Seems like Greg and Law Dog are proffering their recipes for martinis, so I thought I'd give my opinions on them. Gin - Brand unimportant as all gin tastes like what you'd expect cheap cologne to taste like.Vermouth - A thilly thounding thpirit. Again, as it will be mixed in with the gin, it's quality is irrelevant.Olive - disgusting little rancid grapes. Mix any ratio of gin and vermouth in a mason jar. Shake the living fuck out of it or stir it with one of those mini tongue depressors they...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/3/2008 9:48:36 AM | Feedback (6)
I've decided to tone down my language. However, the phrase fuckity fuckity fuck will still be used with wild abandonment.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/29/2008 12:16:48 PM | Feedback (4)
So I'm chatting with Greg and he sends me a link to a story about a shooting. What makes this different is that Greg personally knows the victims The three men, identified as Robert Latner Brown, 20, Curtis Alexander Watkins, 19, and Glen Whitestone, 18, became verbally abusive toward them and denied any wrongdoing, Cooper said. "The victims then drove away and their car was peppered with gunfire," Cooper said. Greg writes Gregory says: the assailants are claiming my friend flashed a gun...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/29/2008 11:56:57 AM | Feedback (2)
I'm #1 on Google for Brady Campaign Parody. Oddly, the Brady Campaign is #4...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/27/2008 5:23:57 PM | Feedback (1)
Ain't me, but I'll take credit nonetheless! "Did I say Column Right?"
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/27/2008 3:02:48 PM | Feedback (1)
It's perfume, not marinade.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/27/2008 7:35:26 AM | Feedback (4)
From an IM conversation with Greg i just finished reading the internet last week... nothing left to surf
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/22/2008 10:56:34 AM | Feedback (1)
Yes, yes they do.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/20/2008 7:44:08 PM | Feedback (0)
Click for enlargenationism
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/17/2008 5:43:45 PM | Feedback (2)
But it is tempting...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/14/2008 9:56:30 AM | Feedback (3)
Try all 45 flavors at Baskin Robins Watch Snow White and the 9 Dwarves with his kids Divide by Zero Push for legislation declaring Pi to be 2.75 Run the quarter mile in 1,230 feet. Hope Change Bowl a 38 And the number one thing Obama plans on doing on the campaign trail Visit the last state, Alaska and Hawaii
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/12/2008 11:55:20 AM | Feedback (5)
A euphemism for children. Greg used it in conversation. I snortled.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/9/2008 4:06:00 PM | Feedback (3)
Hell, I'll show everyone -
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/7/2008 12:44:19 PM | Feedback (7)
But I highly doubt you're going to find this here I like my tits dangerous, baby.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/5/2008 2:44:09 PM | Feedback (7)
From my previous post trust me, there's no such thing as an "attempted suicide" with a .44 Magnum
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/30/2008 6:39:22 PM | Feedback (0)
I had someone comment on why would I ever want to take a picture of my daughter with such a rifle. Simple, I explained - I wanted a photograph that showed the juxtaposition between something that is generally associated with terror and mayhem and something that is innocent and innocuous, like the rifle. It's art, baby.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/27/2008 8:22:18 PM | Feedback (7)
So Xavier pointed out this rather bizarre camera which I then emailed to several of my photography oriented coworkers. 4”x5” camera made from Aluminium, Titanium, Brass, Silver, Gem Stones and a 150 year old skull of a 13 year old girl. Light and time enters at the third eye, exposing the film in the middle of the skull. My coworker responds I'll wait for the 18 year old skull model to come out before I buy. The prices should come down by then.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/24/2008 10:00:04 AM | Feedback (3)
You know those obnoxious "Truck Nuts" that you see hanging off the bumpers of all the Git-Er-Dones? You know, the ones politicians are now wasting time trying to ban? I found you can buy them in keychain sizes. I seriously would love to put those on my Jeep.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/21/2008 1:40:14 PM | Feedback (3)
I have a large tattoo that says "In Memory of Dad. 1948-2008" He gets annoyed when I remind him he needs to kick the bucket soon or else I will have wasted $150 on the damned thing.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/19/2008 12:23:02 PM | Feedback (2)
Don't even try to touch Breda's pie
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/13/2008 9:10:09 PM | Feedback (0)
I guess I should watch my damn language Created by OnePlusYou - Free Online Dating
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/1/2008 8:51:22 AM | Feedback (5)
Hat Tip Q&O
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/27/2008 9:19:21 AM | Feedback (2)
The .223 / 5.56mm was primarily designed to humiliate the person being shot. The 6.8 was designed to kill, even if it doesn't hit the intended target. Even though they both use the same lowers, you can clearly see that the 6.8 Remington Special Purpose Cartridge is a superior round. As they say, a picture is worth a thousand words* *And of course, Photoshop's worth about $500 bucks...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/25/2008 7:09:04 PM | Feedback (8)
Nearly $5000 an hour for a hooker? What the hell does she do for the other 54 minutes?
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/11/2008 11:14:34 AM | Feedback (6)
Bow to the immense power of the .09 Caliber Pistol. Deadly. Concealable. Terror inspiring.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/7/2008 8:13:25 AM | Feedback (0)
Rumors are going around that I might have something to do with this. I wish I could take credit for it.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/29/2008 1:44:53 PM | Feedback (0)
So, I get a knock on my door this afternoon and lo and behold, it's the UPS guy with my first wheelbarrow of cash from the NRA. Except apparently they send you the wheelbarrow first then the cash later. And, after spending $35 with them, apparently all they could afford to send me was a used, rusty wheelbarrow -   Damn thing even had a flat tire How am I supposed to wheel around tons of cash in that thing? I knew I should have joined the Joyce Foundation. They pay much better.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/12/2008 3:56:13 PM | Feedback (4)
Because this sounds like something our resident librarian might do An alert clerk at a Wallingford UPS Store was preparing to ship the plastic-wrapped books on Jan. 31 when she noticed that one of the hardbacks rattled, according to police reports. The woman shook the book and spotted a gun part slipping through the pages. The clerk phoned police Monday, after attempting to contact the sender. Searching the books, officers found a disassembled Beretta handgun, three loaded magazines and two...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/8/2008 3:26:42 PM | Feedback (6)
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/5/2008 3:07:52 PM | Feedback (4)
Take one part "The Princess Bride", one part "Paul Helmke", and four parts of damned fine creativity. Shake well and serve.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/31/2008 12:05:41 PM | Feedback (2)
Put on 10 pounds over the holidays and everyone makes fun of you...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/21/2008 2:55:30 PM | Feedback (1)
Friendship between Women: A woman didn't come home one night.  The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house.  The man called his wife's 10 best friends.  None of them knew anything about it. Friendship between Men: A man didn't come home one night.  The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house.  The woman called her husband's 10 best friends, eight of which confirmed that he had slept over, and two said that he was still...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/10/2008 11:00:13 AM | Feedback (1)
CLEARWATER - A manager at a carwash recognized the man caught on a surveillance videotape breaking into the business: The man had applied for a job there, police said.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/8/2008 3:48:48 PM | Feedback (2)
Found this on my hard drive. I used to have it online, but the image hosting company apparently had different views than me and deleted this image without telling me. Now, I run my own show.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/6/2008 7:26:49 PM | Feedback (3)
The Mrs. has decided that when we get the new kitchen, my 1970's Tupperware Sugar Container has to go. I grew up with this thing. It was how I poured sugar on my cornflakes as a child, it was how I put sugar in my coffee as I grew up. I had to use my cunning wits to pry it away from my Dad and his wife (I bought them a new sugar container and "Hey, since you don't need that old one any more!" - She now regrets the swap). Sure, it's ugly as sin. Sure it's a color that went out of style with...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/6/2008 9:51:47 AM | Feedback (5)
The back is rather hilarious as well
posted by by Robb Allen @ 12/14/2007 3:48:37 PM | Feedback (1)
Breda worries about how much her blog is worth... Mine is worse... My blog is worth$-11.20 You actually owe us money.How much is your blog worth?
posted by by Robb Allen @ 12/13/2007 6:56:19 PM | Feedback (3)
Breda indicates a, odd placement of a cannon and a nativity scene Clicky to Embiggie
posted by by Robb Allen @ 12/12/2007 2:30:58 PM | Feedback (2)
Matt Sanchez, as interviewed by Right Wing News' John Hawkins Personally, I'd settle for gays serving, if Congressman John Murtha would stop outing himself as a Marine
posted by by Robb Allen @ 12/12/2007 8:05:20 AM | Feedback (1)
posted by by Robb Allen @ 12/5/2007 12:11:51 PM | Feedback (2)
I get really tired of people telling me the 10 Commandments are "written in stone". Well, technically they were written in stone, but that's not what I mean. What I mean is that the so called "Laws of God" mean something different today than they did thousands of years ago and it's time we started treating the 10 Commandments as the Living, Breathing Document it truly is. Take for example #1 - I am the Lord thy God. Thou shalt have no other gods before me. The archaic language notwithstanding...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 12/4/2007 4:06:00 PM | Feedback (9)
posted by by Robb Allen @ 12/4/2007 2:40:56 PM | Feedback (9)
I don't mind that you can pick up Uranium Ore off of Amazon This isn't the stuff you put in bombs and it's not going to give you cancer if you hold it. It's very, very, very weak stuff. No, what bothers me most is this... I'm... speechless... Hat Tip Evan at Brain Terminal
posted by by Robb Allen @ 12/1/2007 5:37:35 PM | Feedback (9)
Yes, yes he does.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/14/2007 8:51:23 AM | Feedback (5)
From a conversation I'm having right now about shotguns and ammo Gregory says:exactly.  I mean your supply of 10mms is a good thing for normal evil people, but you really need 3" magnum buckshot to deal with the undead. Robb Allen says:True. But I've also found that a great way of dealing with zombies is to indicate that it's election day. They'll then amble around looking for a polling place so they can vote for Democrats.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/6/2007 9:33:56 AM | Feedback (5)
God, that's funny.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/31/2007 1:08:02 PM | Feedback (0)
You'd send them to Japan so they could run through Pikachu's vagina.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/24/2007 11:22:17 AM | Feedback (5)
When will we elect people who will finally put an end to this travesty? That, and 80° weather is simply wrong for deer hunting. I'm not sure I could even shoot at a deer with hands that aren't shaking from the cold.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/22/2007 6:48:38 PM | Feedback (0)
and homoerotic messages on construction vehicles Click to embiggen I wonder if they do a lot of work with this company?
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/17/2007 11:13:50 AM | Feedback (5)
"Sweater Yams"
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/15/2007 3:21:05 PM | Feedback (3)
Turns out, they're AM's
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/24/2007 3:27:54 PM | Feedback (0)
If I were to actually make this shirt and wear it. Seriously though, I wonder if this would even be legal?
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/14/2007 1:24:27 PM | Feedback (8)
According to Lightning McQueen lawyers, the famed race car did not suffer an antifreeze overdose but had been taking synthetic oils to battle depression after his stunning loss at last year's Piston Cup. The racecar, who was rushed to the local mechanic after allegedly slashing his own tires in an attempted suicide, did not have his radiator pumped, says the attorney. McQueen was found by friend and pit crew member Tow Mater in his Santa Monica garage, and a 911 call report showed it was...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/31/2007 6:46:31 PM | Feedback (0)
Michele gets annoyed with people's fancy ringtones on their cell phones. My phone in my cubicle actually has a screeching monkey as a ringer. Much, much worse than anything your little Nokia can put out, I assure you. Does that make me an asshole?
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/28/2007 2:42:56 PM | Feedback (7)
Stay tuned. I'll update this post with new ones as I come up with them.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/15/2007 9:22:06 PM | Feedback (1)
Bullet lady - Now in convenient, "Pre-Photoshopped" form so you can add whatever you like. I isolated her hand and cloned out the bullets. You just add the doohickey in her hand and voila! Instant AP grade material. The Photoshop document can be downloaded here.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/15/2007 4:15:49 PM | Feedback (0)
You know how the price of lead is going through the roof? It's because China is buying it all to put into children's toys!
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/15/2007 3:27:38 PM | Feedback (0)
If you must design a parabolic shaped building, make sure you either face it away from the sun or landscape using metal and concrete rather than grass Click for full size Hat tip Twilley, who is either too lazy or to unintelligent to blog. I'm voting for a little of both.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/11/2007 11:11:00 AM | Feedback (5)
This is an old film from the 60's about giving spiders drugs and watching how it affects their web development. Very informative.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/7/2007 1:14:48 PM | Feedback (1)
This here is funny.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/6/2007 3:25:42 PM | Feedback (0)
You might just get your mug shot taken in it
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/19/2007 12:10:47 PM | Feedback (0)
So what if I failed to take into consideration what lemur years are... WANTED FOR THE BIZARRE MOUNTING of a SCRAWNY LEMUR $1800What's Your Blog Wanted For?
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/15/2007 11:38:07 AM | Feedback (0)
You might want to think about a different diet pill Sometimes, you can’t stop your weight-loss secrets from leaking out. Dieters have been flocking to drugstores to pick up Alli, the first over-the-counter weight-loss pill to be approved by the Food and Drug Administration, despite the scary warning: Stray too far from your low-fat diet and you just might poop your pants. Apparently, the pill causes you to not absorb 25% of the fat in foods. So, if you eat more than 42 grams of fat, this...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/8/2007 11:07:21 AM | Feedback (3)
Islamic Rage Boy doles out the advice. Dear Abby better watch her infidel back.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/29/2007 2:49:55 PM | Feedback (1)
Sent an email to my mother last night. I mentioned how happy and relieved I was that the immigration amnesty bill was shot down. Her response? Oh - if the amnesty bill had been voted in - I was going to move to Mexico - then cross the border and come in as an illegal alien - would get a LOT more benefits than I do now - like free groceries, medical care, banking account without a social security number, and if I went to college - could go as an in-state student, no matter what state I chose.  ...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/29/2007 7:14:58 AM | Feedback (1)
So, I'm clearing out my spam trackbacks (I get hundreds of 'em a day) when I noticed one that said Vicoden Tablets. Tablet PC's. Table Tops. Topless. It's like the Wal-Mart superstore of spam!
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/27/2007 2:06:59 PM | Feedback (0)
When even raunchy & crude T-shirt manufacturers are making fun of you. I'm sure T-Shirt Hell isn't exactly a bastion for conservative thought, either. I highly recommend that if you don't get offended too easily you peruse through their wares. And, even if you're like me and don't get offended easily, I guarantee you you'll still get offended.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/14/2007 7:55:16 AM | Feedback (3)
Yesterday, the Mrs. and I were furniture shopping. Georgia was at summer camp and Irelyn was merrily burbling the way only a 2 year old can burble in her car seat. I think it's a natural instinct that whenever parents pass small groups of bovines that we yell at our kids "Look Honey! Cows!" As if cows were some sort of rare sighting that should be written down in the annals of the child's history so that one day they could sit with their grandchildren and tell them that long ago, they once saw...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/13/2007 12:14:56 PM | Feedback (2)
You want to create a cashless society? Put all the married men on a island. There. Done.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/24/2007 3:40:05 PM | Feedback (0)
Lileks describes a Disney World hotel room The room: nice. Colorful. I’ll say this for the quantity of pubic hair in the bathtub: it’s not a lot. I prefer to think of them as “Jiminy Crickett’s eyelashes,” which is how I explained them to a disbelieving child.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/15/2007 10:44:01 AM | Feedback (0)
Kevin, over at The Smallest Minority, has a great piece up about the "supposed decline of gun ownership" in America. At the tail end of the post, he tells us this UPDATE: I swear, I wrote this piece before I ever saw this. To which his commenters reply What does an instapundit post about strippers have to do with gun owners lying to pollsters?Stormy Dragon | Email | Homepage | 05.08.07 - 8:17 pm | # Eh, it's a post about strippers. Who needs an excuse?Mastiff | Email | Homepage | 05.08.07...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/9/2007 7:58:20 AM | Feedback (1)
Nick Anderson is a pretty big liberal cartoonist. Half of the time, his cartoons are just too lefty for me. The other half of the time, he's a riot. Today, he whacks one out of the park.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/28/2007 8:24:03 PM | Feedback (0)
Random camera phone picture
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/25/2007 3:01:47 PM | Feedback (2)
Man sets meth fire, goes shopping Jonathan Zaletel, 19, was cooking meth in a bedroom closet about 7 p.m. Tuesday in the 1200 block of North Alma School Road near Ray Road when the fire started, authorities said. He unsuccessfully attempted to put out the fire by tossing water and window cleaner on it. When that didn't work, he decided to head to a nearby Wal-Mart to buy a fire extinguisher. Being that this idjit is still drawing breath, Darwin would have changed his mind had he lived in...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/18/2007 3:44:32 PM | Feedback (1)
From Shooting the Messenger on seeing the movie 300 Now comes the hard work. Teaching them what Molon Labe means. Rearing a new generation that would rather die than bend knee to a despot. Were I any good at photoshopping, you know, like Reuters and the AP do to make phony pictures look real, I'd feature Pelosi on a throne ala Xerc, sitting cross legged and demanding we give up our arms or die. Ok, how's this?
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/11/2007 9:20:07 PM | Feedback (1)
Dear Glock, I recently purchased a 10mm Glock 29 and I am sad to say that your reputation for producing "quality firearms" is undeserved. Since my purchase, your firearm has completely failed to live up to its promise. I have been told time and time again that easy access to firearms is the number one cause of violent crime in today's society. Well, being a concealed weapons permit holder, your so called 'gun' is always within reach and to this day, I've yet to shoot anyone over a parking...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/19/2007 3:04:34 PM | Feedback (4)
As I write this, I'm opening boxes of Post-It Notes in the main store in southeastern Wyoming with Freddie Svenson, Dayshift Manager for 3M, Grant Vennison, who is senior research engineer for 3M, and several other stock boys. We're testing Freddie's keys to his 1978 Pacer on several boxes of the new, hot-pink Post-It Notes. I must be living in a vacuum. Grant tells me that the use of 'box cutters' have a rapidly growing following among stockmen, especially office supply workers. I had no...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/19/2007 8:56:42 AM | Feedback (27)
I was going to do this when I got home. Wuzzadem beat me to the punch.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/8/2007 3:32:37 PM | Feedback (0)
In this case, it's Kevin Federline, but we'll cut him some slack. This Nationwide "Life comes at you fast" commercial is, like their other ones, hysterical. The fact it contains the former Mr. Britney Spears is even better.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/30/2007 12:54:36 PM | Feedback (3)
So the other day at work, a group from HR was walking around selling donuts to raise money to combat diabetes. Isn't that like selling hypodermic needles to fight drug use?
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/23/2007 4:19:57 PM | Feedback (2)
Just checked my referrals. Got someone from Google searching for "Is beheading painful?". I'm going to venture a guess and say "Oh, it hurts like hell".
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/8/2007 1:22:35 PM | Feedback (1)
Hit me right in the funnybone.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/20/2006 9:03:25 AM | Feedback (0)
Today at The Superficial Gwen Stefani was spotted leaving her hotel in London over the weekend looking like she just finished a cage match against an angry badger. And her son Kingston looks cute as hell as a miniature special ops operative. I picture him crossing into hostile territory and taking out enemy leaders armed with nothing but a knife and his sippy cup. And maybe a jar of applesauce if he gets hungry And this gem right below, discussing the fact that Brooke Shields was invited to...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/14/2006 2:24:36 PM | Feedback (0)
I don't know what type of political points you plan on scoring by putting blackface on Anthony Hopkins. If you're not careful, he'll eat your kidneys with a side of fava beans...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/30/2006 3:58:58 PM | Feedback (0)
President Bush said that if illegal immigrants want citizenship they’d have to do three things: pay taxes, hold meaningful jobs, and learn English. Bush doesn’t meet those qualifications. PJ O’Rourke
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/16/2006 3:00:06 PM | Feedback (0)
If there really is a hell, I'm probably going there for creating this... click to enlarge It was that or create an ad for the New Steve Irwin Stingray Experience at SeaWorld which was just as tasteless. 
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/3/2006 1:53:46 PM | Feedback (3)
Today's entry from the mail bag is from From: Angela HodgesTo: Robb AllenSubject: Important Question Do you have any erection problems? Have a nice day. Wed, 20 Sep 2006 19:14:17 +0360 Y6AOFB7 Dear Angela,     No. Sincerely,Robb
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/20/2006 10:05:57 AM | Feedback (2)
So, recently I overheard about someone who made the lethal error of asking a woman when she was due. The punchline, of course, is that she wasn’t pregnant. Let’s open the Men’s Rulebook to Chapter 17 – Talking to women you have no intention of having sex with. Question #12,720 – She looks pregnant. Should I ask her about her due date? This question is a loaded gun and it is not safe to look down that barrel with your finger pressing on the trigger. No matter how sure you are that she is...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/14/2006 12:13:00 PM | Feedback (4)
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/9/2006 9:03:00 AM | Feedback (4)
A buddy of mine has been playing around with Picasa and uploaded a few images of me. I went to see if Google Images had picked it up and did a search for “Robb Allen”. This is one of the images that popped up. I’m assuming Google has confused my beer making habit with my transexual photoshopping skills. This was too embarrassing to not share.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/9/2006 8:05:00 AM | Feedback (0)
Seems not everyone likes my 5 million dollar Victoria Secret picture. Speaketh David from Daily Pundit Will you STOP DOING THAT! It was bad enough the first time. This must be about the fourth outing for that monstrosity. I'd just finished lunch. Now I've thrown up a bit in my mouth. I'm nothing, if not a giver.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/7/2006 7:28:00 PM | Feedback (4)
People online are dumber than real people. I can beat online people. I cannot bluff. If I touch my chips, everyone folds. No matter how hard you try, a 7 of clubs and a 3 of diamonds will never turn into something worthwhile. When I get dealt my first and only pocket aces of the evening, everyone else will get 7’s & 3’s and fold. $20 disappears pretty damn quick, even when playing nickels and dimes. Alcohol helps you feel better while you’re losing . The same alcohol that made you...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/7/2006 8:56:00 AM | Feedback (0)
There’s nothing funnier than a daschund with narcolepsy. Nothing.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/31/2006 12:46:00 PM | Feedback (1)
A penguin is driving through the Arizona desert when his car breaks down. He steps out into the oppressive, 108° heat and notices oil pouring out of the engine. He has the car towed to the nearest town and waits at the mechanic’s. Unfortunately, the mechanic’s waiting room is not well air conditioned and the penguin, not acclimated to the hot weather, starts to get uncomfortable. He sees an ice cream stand down the road and thinks “Being a penguin, I really could go for something ice cold” and...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/25/2006 10:51:00 AM | Feedback (3)
Over at Goldstein’s where a free form comment thread seems to be emerging I had one of those hummingbird feeders in my back yard. One time as a joke I laced it with methamphetemines. Did you ever see those pictures of a jet fighter with condensation clouds around the wings? Imagine 7 or 8 of those in miniature. Really cool. One little fellow got scared by a cat. Broke the sound barrier. Posted by N. O'Brain on 07/21 at 08:06 AM
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/21/2006 12:06:00 PM | Feedback (2)
Refined incest videos Riiiiiight. I mean, I can't stand those rednecky, uncultured incest videos so I'm assuming the refined ones have to make for much better viewing.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/10/2006 10:13:00 AM | Feedback (1)
Amazon’s review of Joe Satriani’s latest album, Super Colossal Amazon.comOne of the most innovative voices in contemporary American music, guitarist Joe Satriani celebrates two decades as a recording artist by releasing yet another consistently strong and refreshing platter of soulful goodness. Like his former student and sometime sparring partner Steve Vai, Satriani shows his virtuosity rests not only in his command over his instrument but also in his command of composition. "It's So Good,"...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/7/2006 1:40:00 PM | Feedback (0)
YouTube will destroy us all.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/5/2006 3:29:00 PM | Feedback (0)
I just did it again. I’ve simply got to believe it has something to do with the quality of my clothing and not with me having a fat ass (which I don’t. No… really!)
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/5/2006 1:57:00 PM | Feedback (0)
How many Southern Baptists should you take fishing? Two. If you only take one, he’ll drink all your beer. (I was reminded of that joke here)
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/29/2006 2:42:00 PM | Feedback (0)
That’s right, ladies and gentlemen – Using the latest, wireless technology, you can now experience the breathtaking view down my pants, live!!! I’ve got to work on the lighting issues, sure, but hey! Live feed!
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/12/2006 11:23:00 AM | Feedback (1)
Iowahawk isn’t taking the Z-man’s demise lying down. Best phrase – Personally I think I'm lookin' straight GQ, seeing as I just got a 500-pound laser guided curb stomp. Shit cuz, y'all should see Kahlid, a.k.a. "Ceiling Spackle." At lest the reports from hell will be interesting.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/9/2006 12:45:00 PM | Feedback (0)
My (almost) 4 year old, Georgia, is sick today. Didn’t even want to go to dance class. The Mrs. and I had the following email conversation. Wife: I just checked her temp. I gave her tylenol at 9:30 and her temp just now is 102. Yuck! Me:  Ugh. Keep me informed, ok? Wife:  She hasn't eaten anything and only had a couple sips of juice. She says she's not hungry or thirsty. She's very pathetic. I'm just letting her lay on the couch and watch t.v. Me:  Oh my God, honey. It sounds very,...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/7/2006 1:26:00 PM | Feedback (1)
Saw a clip a while back from the Daily Show where they were discussing a hot topic here in my home state about a lady who keeps a “Support the Troops” in her yard against the community’s rules. The following phrase just nails Florida perfectly (speaking of plastic pink flamingos) If you can’t keep tacky shit in your front yard, how will people know they’re in Florida?
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/5/2006 10:14:00 AM | Feedback (0)
“I do for bullshit what stonehenge does for rocks” Seriously, with a line like that, I’m considering buying from these guys. Cheep Ci..a!..i.s and a university degree! How can I go wrong?
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/30/2006 9:40:00 AM | Feedback (1)
You’ll freak your inner metrosexual out. I have not laughed this hard in ages. Safe for work…. Kind of… File this one under Humorous Manscaping. Hat Tip Joe, of whom I’m starting to worry about.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/26/2006 7:57:00 AM | Feedback (0)
Especially after receiving an All IT email from the Vice President, who in an effort to get us all to join a special ‘thank you’ type outing, ends with Don’t miss this opportunity. How many times do you get the chance to blow out of work early, drink beer, and play video games?  To which I promptly replied:  Usually every Tuesday. My boss, of course, replies with: What address should I mail your stuff to?
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/5/2006 9:29:00 AM | Feedback (2)
Either way, the maintenance guy who put this sign on the broken toilet gave me a laugh.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/2/2006 11:59:00 AM | Feedback (1)
So my wife likes to keep the Guideposts magazines in the holder by the toilet. I dunno about you, but when I'm on the can, I'm not usually in the mood for divine inspiration. A little divine mercy maybe, but not inspiration.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/29/2006 7:13:00 PM | Feedback (3)
Hey all. I'm really sorry about the dearth of posting lately but... Yes? I'm sorry? Can I help you? I don't know, you called me. No I didn't. Yes you did. Right up there. You said 'DARTH' No, I said DEARTH. D-E-A-R-T-H, not D-A-R-T-H! Don't get mad at me, buddy. It's not my fault you've got nothing interesting to talk about and instead have to resort to cheesy homophones with fictional...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/28/2006 7:18:00 PM | Feedback (6)
Those testimonials up there to the right..... Not mine. I feel better. Do you forgive me?
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/27/2006 1:42:00 PM | Feedback (0)
But have you seen a blog post around here? I didn't think so. Thanks anyway.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/21/2006 7:19:00 PM | Feedback (2)
I only gave him the idea…
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/20/2006 8:41:00 AM | Feedback (1)
Yes. Yes he did. What an odd feeling. I’m offended and laughing at the same time.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/15/2006 12:45:00 PM | Feedback (0)
So, a guy at work has been following this seasons' 24 pretty closely. I of course opted out for this season, but honestly miss it because I hear people talk about it all the time. Anyway, my coworker noticed that on IMDB you can see the cast listings for each episode of 24... Including future episodes. Spoiler warning - it kind of gives away who is dead and who isn't. Anyway, looking at a particular future episode, my coworker noticed that Ron Livingston has a part. Many of you might recognize...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/14/2006 10:18:00 AM | Feedback (2)
Manager B of server department asks Employee A for a list of his servers and the applications on them. Employee A asks Manager A if she could get him the list. Manager A asks Director A for the list since she remembers giving it to him. Director A assumes the server people would have this information and asks Manager B for the list to give to his people. Manager B calls Employee A and asks that he hurries up with the list as there are now Directors asking him for it. Somewhere, Labrador...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/13/2006 3:37:00 PM | Feedback (0)
Probably old, but I care not. It’s still funny If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice. Jack Bauer is the 'i' in team. If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12". (ha) Nobody says 'hit me' when Jack Bauer deals Blackjack. Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man. When Kim Bauer lost her...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/4/2006 8:24:00 AM | Feedback (3)
But I think my new bumpersticker is a riot. Especially in this context
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/2/2006 5:32:00 PM | Feedback (2)
An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other and says to the waiter, "Want coffee." The waiter says, "Sure chief, coming right up." He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee. After drinking the coffee down in one gulp, the Indian turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, then just walks out. The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/28/2006 9:10:00 AM | Feedback (0)
I’m thinking about making this bumper sticker (from And, in a similar vein
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/23/2006 9:05:00 AM | Feedback (3)
Cheney: Hey Ted, wanna go hunting? Kennedy: Only if I can drive.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/14/2006 12:33:00 PM | Feedback (0)
(1) Zero Gravity When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside-down, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300 C. The Russians used a pencil. Your taxes are due again--enjoy paying them. (2) Our Constitution "They keep talking...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/14/2006 7:49:00 AM | Feedback (4)
Especially not after this fiasco. Hope we do better in 2008….
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/12/2006 10:54:00 PM | Feedback (0)
So I’m over at Phil Haack’s place, and I see he’s found a nifty gadget that does facial recognition and picks someone famous who you resemble. The results of yours truly? Marble… Sharp as a Marble….
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/8/2006 8:43:00 PM | Feedback (5)
True story: The phone rang yesterday. I had my arms full of baby, so my wife answered the phone. Mrs. Marble: Uh-huh.... Uh-Huh..... {looks at me} Can I ask him who is calling?
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/26/2006 12:37:00 PM | Feedback (0)
I’ve ranted about how stupid I find most restaurants’ obsession with plastic gloves that do nothing to protect customers from unsanitary conditions, but this one is even funnier. The deli at the local Publix from where I work has a hairnet policy. Now, many of the women who work there have long hair and often it’s not all kept in the hairnets which is ironic in itself, but this takes the cake The dude is 100%, completely bald. What, pray tell, is the hairnet protecting me...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/19/2006 10:44:00 AM | Feedback (1)
Kept saying “I love you, Gary.” – Owner’s name was Chris. LONDON - Chris Taylor, a 30-year-old British computer programmer, grew suspicious of his live-in girlfriend when his pet parrot began to imitate her saying, “I love you, Gary.” Ziggy, an 8-year-old African gray parrot, would also make kissing noises whenever the name Gary was mentioned on TV and would mimic Collins saying, “Hiya, Gary,” every time she answered her mobile...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/17/2006 11:00:00 AM | Feedback (0)
But this has to be the best blonde joke ever.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/10/2006 12:43:00 PM | Feedback (3)
So for Christmas my daughter got Word Whammer™ Fridge Phonics™ Set from Leapfrog. Basically it’s a set of letter magnets and a magnetic box that you can put 3 of the letters in to spell various words. One of the modes is a game where the voice tells you to spell a word and you try to find the letters and put them in the right order. The very first word it asked to spell? WAR Makes you wonder, doesn’t it?
posted by by Robb Allen @ 12/31/2005 1:54:00 PM | Feedback (5)
That little kids suddenly reach an age where they can no longer smile normally for a picture and instead end up looking like something straight out of a psycho movie?
posted by by Robb Allen @ 12/22/2005 9:52:00 AM | Feedback (6)
Hubris has pictures of himself and his kids hamming it up in front of the web cam. I, of course, have to comment  Has anyone ever told you that you look absolutely nothing like Liberace? Posted by: Robb Allen (Sharp as a Marble) | December 11, 2005 at 01:13 PM Hubris responds Robb, step away from the PhotoShop application. Thaaat's it. Nice and easy. Posted by: Hubris Sorry, bud, but too late……
posted by by Robb Allen @ 12/12/2005 12:53:00 PM | Feedback (2)
Me neither. Depressing the more I think of it.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 12/5/2005 1:41:00 PM | Feedback (3)
And from my own comments, nonetheless Rocket science isn't what it used to be. For most of the really nasty math, I use computer programs or just put the launch pad far enough away in case something goes wrong....
posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/30/2005 1:02:00 PM | Feedback (1)
Sen Kennedy: Now Tommy, what's 7+12? Tommy: Uhh.... 17? Sen Kennedy: LIAR!!!!
posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/15/2005 11:14:00 AM | Feedback (1)
I know I haven’t been updating the blog like a good blogger should, but it’s because I’ve been working on a piece that should be fairly lengthy and in depth and I want to make sure I give it enough attention to assure my facts are straight and that my writing is coherent. Here is what I have so far. I’ve been meaning to write about this for some time now and I As you can see, it still needs a little work. Any thoughts?
posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/10/2005 8:28:00 AM | Feedback (0)
From Broken News Joint Chiefs head, Gen. Peter Pace, warned the President that it might be necessary to send up to 5 Marines to get things under control. The general admitted that 5 Marines may be overkill but he wanted to get this thing under control within 24 hours of arriving on scene. He stated he was having a hard time finding even one Marine to help those ungrateful bastards out for a third time but thought that he could persuade a few Women Marines to do the job before they went on...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/8/2005 1:07:00 PM | Feedback (2)
posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/3/2005 9:25:00 AM | Feedback (2)
The Sharp as a Marble editorial board would like to apologize for a mistake in an earlier posting. George W. Bush has just announced Justice Alito as his nominee for Sandra O’Conner’s seat, not (as reported earlier) Just a Burrito. We have no idea why Bush would have nominated a burrito and apologize for the confusion or if the previous typo caused you hunger pains in any way.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/31/2005 10:44:00 AM | Feedback (4)
Sharp as a Marble Laboratories issues recall on Limited Edition Official Hugh Hewitt GOP Cheerleader Doll! Several models of the Hugh Hewitt ‘Go Miers Go’ cheerleading dolls are being recalled due to a defective voice chip. Affected models no longer chant the proper “Miers Miers, She’s our pick!” phrase and instead scream at their owners for not supporting the president’s choice. It has also come to our attention that Mier’s withdrawal from...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/28/2005 7:50:00 PM | Feedback (3)
Amongst conservatives, nonetheless!
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/25/2005 2:48:00 PM | Feedback (1)
Dude, someone hurry up out there and observe, dammit. This hairball I choked up last week ain’t getting any fresher, if you catch my drift.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/24/2005 3:37:00 PM | Feedback (0)
We have an intentional grounding by the quarterback. There is a 10 yard penalty…. Excuse me. Who the hell are you I’m Jeff Goldstein. … You know.. “Protein Wisdom” Sounds gross. What the hell are you doing on the field? Where’s security? I have a pass. I’m the manager for the armadillo. You mean that cute little dancing fucker at...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/24/2005 1:23:00 PM | Feedback (5)
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/17/2005 2:59:00 PM | Feedback (2)
Oh, I’m having too much fun with this……
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/14/2005 9:45:00 AM | Feedback (1)
Poor Jeff Goldstein. It’s idiots with Photoshop like myself that probably were the cause why he avoided having his picture on the web for so long…. It’s too late now Jeff. All your pixels are belong to us….
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/14/2005 8:09:00 AM | Feedback (0)
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they? George Carlin
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/12/2005 1:44:00 PM | Feedback (0)
You know, I’ve heard a lot about the thrill one gets when blogging naked, so I’ve decided to try it out, and let me say one thing….Wow!!! This is very, very liberating. Being that I let it all hang out metaphorically speaking when I blog, this just seems to be a logical extension. There’s something about the freedom of blogging naked that just clears my mind. It’s like once I’m free of the restrictions of my clothing, the restrictions on my...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/11/2005 2:24:00 PM | Feedback (2)
Buy one of these. It really clears thing up!
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/3/2005 10:57:00 PM | Feedback (0)
Camp Crawford, Tx – As the deluge of tears threatened to wash away the handful of protesters left, Cindy Sheehan spoke of the horrors the recent flood coverage by the media has had on her cause. Wearing a ‘No Flood For Oil’ t-shirt, Sheehan spoke to a throng of two or three journalism students about the aftermath of the recent Katrina coverage. “It has been awful,” Sheehan said, barely able to conceal the pain in her voice. “This morning, I woke up and was...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/2/2005 9:51:00 AM | Feedback (6)
Guy at work turned 50 yesterday. A group of people decided to wrap every single item in his cube with aluminum foil. Pencils, papers, staplers, keyboards, etc. They even opened boxes, wrapped whatever was inside them, then wrapped the box. Then they rubber-banded everything together. click for full size Not only was it funny, but any time I was near his cube the voices in my head went away.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/24/2005 10:13:00 PM | Feedback (2)
“Oh the wheeeeeeels on the bus keep a turnin’”
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/24/2005 8:18:00 AM | Feedback (3)
Many of you out there do not recognize the power of faith. Foolish are those who do not understand how divine intervention can change the physical world in which we live. For example, Sharp as a Marble had fallen upon hard times in the Truth Laid Bear ecosystem. Fewer and fewer people found their way onto my steps and my ranking had dropped considerably over the past few months. There are those who say I should work harder, that I should put more effort into my blog if I want people...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/22/2005 1:26:00 PM | Feedback (2)
Crawford Tx. – Thousands of people gathered today to try to catch a glimpse of a grilled cheese sandwich that supposedly sported the likeness of Mother Sheehan, the Patron Saint of Left Causes. Mrs. Sheehan is grieving her lost son Casey, who was killed in combat after apparently being forced to volunteer for military duty, and currently camping near President Bush’s vacation ranch to protest the war. Mrs. Sheehan was recently bestowed the highest honor the Left can...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/15/2005 9:18:00 PM | Feedback (21)
Hat tip Evil White Guy
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/15/2005 1:17:00 PM | Feedback (6)
So I bought a Ryobi 3000 PSI pressure washer today. Already put it together (with the help of my father since I can’t lift anything for a few days) and even did a little house cleaning with it. I’m sure my doctor would have had a fit, especially when I first hit the trigger and the 3000 PSI rammed the handle 3 inches from my injured nut sack. I love this thing. Lot’s of power, well laid out, easy to move around, and lots of features. However, I have to point out the one thing...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/13/2005 8:49:00 PM | Feedback (1)
Why does Victoria’s Secret airbrush out the nipples of their models? If you’re as annoyed by it as me, then this tutorial is for you.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/12/2005 7:05:00 AM | Feedback (3)
A farmer walks into his bedroom where his wife is lying on the bed, reading a book. The farmer picks up a sheep he had brought with him in the room and throws it on the bed. “That’s the pig I screw when you’re not in the mood,” says the Farmer. “That’s not a pig, that’s a sheep, “ replies his wife. “Shut up, “ says the farmer, “I’m not talking to you!”
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/11/2005 6:19:00 PM | Feedback (3)
And your stupid “automatic updates” too….
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/10/2005 3:51:00 PM | Feedback (3)
Because I really wanted Judge Judy up there. Or Wapner, but I’m not sure he’s got much left in him.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/10/2005 9:04:00 AM | Feedback (0)
Paris Hilton is one of those people who, if through some odd freak of physics, was sucked into a wormhole, I'm not sure I'd care. 'Cept for the wormhole thing. That'd be cool.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/9/2005 2:16:00 PM | Feedback (0)
Depression is just anger without enthusiasm.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/13/2005 8:47:00 AM | Feedback (0)
Georgie PorgiePuddin’ and pieKissed the girlsand made them cry.When the boysCame out to playGeorgie Porgie had to inform themThat he was a registered sex offender
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/6/2005 7:50:00 PM | Feedback (1)
I'm still the #1 Google search for 'show me your tits'. While no one has taken me up on my offer, I at least can show you mine.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/5/2005 8:35:00 AM | Feedback (1)
Especially around me. A friend logged into his PC from mine. He forgot to log out. Now, when he opens his C drive, he’ll be greeted with this….
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/1/2005 2:08:00 PM | Feedback (4)
Oddly Enough News Article | Supporters of the Amal Movement leader celebrated the same way in Lebanon's south and other mainly Shi'ite areas
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/30/2005 1:33:00 PM | Feedback (1)
In my never ending quest to determine the maximum threshold of human caffeine-level safety, I have determined that 9 cups of strong coffee can induce one to see moiré patterns in solid colors. I find blue is the most interesting to watch.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/30/2005 9:36:00 AM | Feedback (1)
Just overheard in another cubicle Girl: I would offer you some, but it has slobber all over it. Unless you want the other end. Some days my will to keep my mouth shut is really put to the test…..
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/29/2005 3:45:00 PM | Feedback (1)
Tho a trip to the potty ith a good idea. Thee you when I get back.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/29/2005 2:56:00 PM | Feedback (0)
Went to Publix to pick up lunch. Bald guy making sandwiches…..with hair net.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/22/2005 4:00:00 PM | Feedback (0)
How to be a complete dick when designing a logo The game designers across the nation are playing is; can they design a logo and get it approved without the client realizing it's a big spurting penis? Man, some of these are so obvious it’s scary, but in my opinion the most subtle one (Bellwether) is the best.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/22/2005 9:39:00 AM | Feedback (1)
As many of my 7 readers know, I suffer from panic attacks. Sucks to be me, eh? Anyway, I have to go to a psychiatrist every here and there to have someone remind me that I’m nucking futs. So I’m in the waiting room yesterday and like most waiting rooms, they have a local radio station playing softly in the background. The song I had to listen to? Seal – Crazy.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/17/2005 9:23:00 AM | Feedback (1)
I will never, ever, ever be able to go to a museum again after reading this. The temptation will be too great.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/26/2005 4:01:00 PM | Feedback (1)
Everyone knows about SCUDs. They’re the people who look like they might be very attractive from a distance but when they get closer, you realize they are of the opposite gender than originally assumed or have a face that would make Medusa grab a pocket mirror and turn herself into stone. Take this one girl I ran into. From behind, you could definitely tell she was ‘goth’, but the frame and caboose suggested a little hottie. I ended up in an elevator with her....
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/16/2005 2:23:00 PM | Feedback (7)
I got two games included with my GForce 6200 video card: Prince of Persia – Sands of Time and Splinter Cell – Pandora Tomorrow. So I installed PoP. Had a good time and finally beat the game. Amazing graphics and having an Athlon XP64 helps. After I completed the game I decided to install Splinter Cell. You know, the game that came with my video card. The game told me my video card was not supported. Go figure!
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/16/2005 12:50:00 PM | Feedback (0)
Just now, at work, I received an email from my boss in the cube next to me. She was working with another female coworker. After reading the email, this was the following conversation shouted over the wall Me: What about the width? Female Coworker: Width is unimportant. Just don’t force it in. Needless to say the other workers in the area thought it a risqué exchange. We were discussing the resizing of an image that had been sent to me.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/3/2005 3:44:00 PM | Feedback (1)
A lot of world events have surfaced over the past few weeks, many of which have intrigued me. While other pundits are happy to simply discuss these events, I usually try to delve a bit deeper into their meanings and how these events shape the world around us. While it’s true that discussion can often enlighten people, it’s a slow process and I’m a man of the new century, raised on overnight delivery, instant potatoes, and movies on demand. So I decided to embark on the fastest...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/2/2005 10:57:00 AM | Feedback (0)
Everyone should know I have a crush on Sam, but if Jan keeps hinting at me like this, I might change my mind….
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/28/2005 8:11:00 AM | Feedback (2)
I wouldn’t put my money on this guy pulling through.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/26/2005 11:34:00 AM | Feedback (0)
So yesterday I’m driving home, wishing that I could take off the hard top and just enjoy the beautiful weather. Florida may be hot, flat, and totally bereft of attractive landscape, but the weather can be phenomenal during the springtime. Anyway, so I’m at a stop light and this (and I swear this is the only word I can think of) absolute Goddess pulls up next to me in some fancy sports car. Folks, I’ve not seen a woman this beautiful in a long time. She had long, dark...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/21/2005 9:13:00 AM | Feedback (9)
A nun with Tourettes Syndrome.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/18/2005 2:03:00 PM | Feedback (2)
Washington, DC – Tom Ridge, Director of Neverland Security has raised the Molestation Alert from Tanned to Caucasian, the highest level of the new color-coded system. Ridge appeared before reporters, visibly shaken and told the press “ The Department of Neverland Security in consultation with the Neverland Security Council, has made the decision to raise the national threat level from an Elevated to High risk of Michael Jackson molesting a child, or Level Caucasian. The...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/14/2005 2:18:00 PM | Feedback (4)
I’m really getting tired of blogging and I think it’s about time to take a well deserved break.               OK, that’s better. Just needed a short reprieve. All is well now.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/13/2005 2:26:00 PM | Feedback (1)
And all I got was $53.30 a barrel and $2.20 at the pump! Where’s the cheap oil we’re supposed to get? I mean, what good is warring for oil if the prices go up? It’s almost like the war wasn’t really for oil but that can’t be true!
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/8/2005 3:08:00 PM | Feedback (2)
I’m on a quest to see how many cups of coffee I can drink before typing becomes difficult. uppdate;apppattnetly, 12 to13.z.vcups does thhhe ttirikc
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/8/2005 9:49:00 AM | Feedback (2)
The Mrs. cannot stand Waffle House. The two times I’ve been able to drag her there since we’ve been together, she’s gotten sick off of the food and has steadfastly refused to ever go back. So I’ve been without my beloved double order of hashbrowns scattered, covered, chunked, and topped* (cheese, ham, & Bert’s Chili) doused with a hefty amount of ranch dressing and tabasco for quite some time. Last night, when I got home Kari informed me she was tired and not...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/8/2005 8:05:00 AM | Feedback (11)
If you missed out on Bill & Jeff’s Rightalk Radio show, The Citizen Journalist Report yesterday, don’t worry. I’ve got the transcript right here {intro music} Bill / Jeff: Hello and welcome to the Citizen Journalist Report. Jeff / Bill: One of is is Jeff Goldstein and the other is Bill Ardolino Bill / Jeff: It’s just hard to tell because it sounds like we’re using Campbell’s Chicken Soup cans and a used shoe string to talk through. Jeff / Bill:...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 4/1/2005 2:23:00 PM | Feedback (1)
Well, that’s who it looks like to me anyway. Fleur was supposed to be heartstoppingly beautiful. On a Hot Or Not scale, this chick doesn’t even rate ‘tepid’. I think Culkin would be a better bet anyway. Hat tip Sphinct0r, who needs a better nickname.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/30/2005 3:49:00 PM | Feedback (4)
Saw this disclaimer on an eBay page UPS, the UPS brandmark and the color brown are registered trademarks of United Parcel Service of America, Inc. All rights reserved. They’ve got a trade mark on brown? Does that mean I have to pay royalties on my underwear? Is my skin in violation of copyright laws? Holy shit*! * Please ensure your shit is now be purple to avoid litigation,
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/30/2005 2:22:00 PM | Feedback (0)
A few weeks ago I spent a week back home in Atlanta for some training. While I was there, I saw two signs that, well, you just have to see for yourself. The first was on a door of a fancy spa in Lenox Square Mall. I really wanted to get a massage and a manicure but I just couldn’t get in. (image slightly adjusted to make it more legible. Phone cameras still have a long way to go) And this one? You just gotta click on it to read it. I guess people in Room 201 need all the help they...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/29/2005 3:13:00 PM | Feedback (0)
Heard this the other day. Don't know why it tickled me the way it didWhat would Scooby do?
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/24/2005 3:02:00 PM | Feedback (0)
I want an artificial plant for my cube. 'Cept I want the leaves to be mostly missing and the ones still there almost totally brown. I want the flowers shriveled and grey with the petals falling out.I can imagine the conversations now..... (insert dreamy harp sound effect here)Coworker - Ummm, what's wrong with your plant?Me - It died.Coworker - Died? It's plastic.Me - Yeah, I have horrible luck with plants.Coworker - But how can it die? It's plastic for Pete's sake.Me - I guess I didn't...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/24/2005 2:04:00 PM | Feedback (4)
But I was visciously attacked by a hermit crab at a pet store. I was trying to show my daughter how cute it was when it tried to put the vulcan death grip on the palm of my hand. No blood, which was amazing considering the 300 psi pressure the somabitch used.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/22/2005 7:43:00 PM | Feedback (1)
From Blondie's Heart of GlassOriginal Lyrics: Yeah, riding high on love's true bluish lightWhat I Heard: Yeah, Right. I got blown through Jewish lies.I'm willing to bet a psychiatrist would have a field day on that one.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/9/2005 12:15:00 PM | Feedback (0)
Please, make it stop!!!!
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/2/2005 10:23:00 AM | Feedback (2)
Last night the Mrs. & I were on the way to her brother's house when we saw someone we knew a few cars ahead of us. As I tried to pull up next to her, the cars in front of me failed to start moving when the light turned green. My wife, frustrated, said "Oh..damn people..." under her breath.Apparently, not under enough. Immediately, Georgia repeated what she heard. Verbatim.Her first obscenity! I'm so proud ;)
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/2/2005 8:17:00 AM | Feedback (4)
When the facilities department puts up signs like this to warn us employees, I realize that we as a race are just too stupid to survive. (this is an actual picture taken today from where I work).click to enlarge
posted by by Robb Allen @ 3/1/2005 12:56:00 PM | Feedback (8)
This is HOT! I've got some information that was hacked out of Glenn Reynold's Sidekick. Apparently Paris Hilton isn't the only celebrity who has had their personal information pulled from their cell phone.Here you can see some stuff from the 'notebook' Glenn Keeps. It's somewhat cryptic, but you can almost get a sense of what's going on with his life.GG FGT SLT BTCH!HACKED BY THE PPYBLNDRS AT DFNCTSCusername: GREYNOLDSpassword: indeedEdit Edit8:53 PM, November 24, 2004 A 1Buy a lap top to rplc...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/25/2005 11:42:00 AM | Feedback (5)
I'm reposting these Photoshops I did because (a) I think they're funny and (b) I put them out when my readership was in the low teens.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/24/2005 4:19:00 PM | Feedback (0)
But I'm holding on for my faithful readers.Apparently, this guy didn't.{h/t You've been Haacked]
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/23/2005 9:21:00 PM | Feedback (1)
Scene: Agent Jack Bauer stands outside an interrogation room with CTU Director Erin Driscoll. An elderly woman is being questioned.Bauer: What have you found out so far?Driscoll: Well, her ID checks out as does her address at 2318 Shady Acres Retirement Villa. We've had her in interrogation room B for 30 minutes but so far, not much else. We may have the wrong suspect.Bauer: Bullshit, Erin! Nobody flies Delta carrying both nail-tweezers and a set of knitting needles. This granny was part of...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/16/2005 11:27:00 AM | Feedback (0)
Even with the name Smuckers, it isn't that good....
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/15/2005 7:43:00 PM | Feedback (0)
Michele shows off her bumperstickers. I'm showing off mine.Now if I could only get her to show off her headlights....Update:
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/10/2005 11:43:00 AM | Feedback (1)
But it ain't nothing compared to the fist. 
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/7/2005 2:12:00 PM | Feedback (0)
All over the blogosphere people are using SOTU when referring to Bush's State of the Union speech.I can't help seeing STFU instead.Which, in my miniscule opinion, is quite apropos.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 2/4/2005 12:39:00 PM | Feedback (2)
Do not under any circumstances click on this link!!!!!!!!Forget NSFW, this is NSFAUAC (Not Safe For Anyone Under Any Condition). Don't do it! 
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/24/2005 9:09:00 AM | Feedback (2)
There's several websites that allow you to enter in misheard lyrics (one of the more popular ones is Just thought I'd share one that I always thought was funny.From Hey Nineteen by Steely DanActual Lyrics: The Cuervo Gold, the fine ColumbianWhat I heard: The Cuervo Gold, The pine cones run the earth.As a kid, I must have had some sort of tragic event with a conifer.Feel free to discuss your own misheard lyrics.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/21/2005 1:45:00 PM | Feedback (9)
President Bush was slapped with a $10,000 fine for pretending to pull down his trousers and moon the audience in an impromptu "victory dance" at the end of the inauguration today. House Majority Leader Tom DeLay (R-Texas) penalized Bush for unsportsmanlike conduct in a letter released by the GOP. "Your actions were based on poor judgment, did not reflect well on you or the GOP, and were insulting to many," DeLay wrote. "They have resulted in widespread criticism and needlessly detracted from...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/20/2005 1:29:00 PM | Feedback (2)
Flint, Mi. - A local Taco Bell restaurant has been severely damaged after a massive explosion in the parking lot destroyed the pavement and shattered the windows of practically every building within a mile and a half radius. Officials speculate that the blast ruptured an underground gas line causing the lingering stench that has draped the entire city.Although there are no reported deaths at this time, interviews with employees of the Taco Bell indicate that the blast may...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/18/2005 3:37:00 PM | Feedback (3)
Hubris has the lowdown on a capture and new developments.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/14/2005 1:04:00 PM | Feedback (0)
Redsugar Muse took this test to determine what type of intelligence she had. Her results?Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic IntelligenceYou are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well. An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly. You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view. A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary.You would make a fantastic poet, journalist,...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 1/7/2005 2:46:00 PM | Feedback (1)
What follows is an actual, honest to God email sent to me the other day.From: XXXXXX<>To: robb.allen@gmail.comDate: Tue, 21 Dec 2004 00:38:31 -0500Subject: concerned parenthey robb -  question, on sat night my 14 yo son went to the high school prom.  came home fell asleep after the "after party"at our house, and oxy clean granules were all over the couch and inside his shirt pocket.I thought something was fishy about this but didn't know who to go...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 12/22/2004 8:42:00 AM | Feedback (3)
Cranky has the scoop.Hat Tip The Blog Formerly Known as Hot Lesbo Star Wars Chick Pundit.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 12/21/2004 3:26:00 PM | Feedback (0)
My wife was looking through the Best Buy circular in the Sunday paper. She asked me what a USB Drive was since she saw a whole bunch of them. I responded that it's a portable storage device and that I'd like one for my MP3's so I could take them to work but that I needed a 512M or greater and they were a little too pricey for me.She looks a little longer and says "Here's one for $29 that says it's 802.11 gigabytes (802.11g)"She didn't understand why I was laughing so hard.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 12/19/2004 1:23:00 PM | Feedback (0)
Cahill: Kerry Camp Underestimated AdsCAMBRIDGE, Mass. - The campaign manager for Sen. John Kerry's failed presidential bid said Wednesday she regrets underestimating the impact of advertisements that featured John Kerry. Mary Beth Cahill, who spoke at Harvard University's Kennedy School of Government with Ken Mehlman, President Bush's campaign manager, said the Massachusetts senator's campaign initially thought there would be "no reach" to the ads where John Kerry took a particular stand on any...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 12/17/2004 4:01:00 PM | Feedback (4)
Just go look. I'm still laughing. Update: Come to think about it, Manpanties of Evil might just be a better name for this blog.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 12/15/2004 3:35:00 PM | Feedback (3)
Today, SaaM is privileged to have a guest blogger who will be doing an audio blog as well. Ladies and Gentlemen (and Sean Gleeson too), please welcome "Jerry the Mime".Click Here for Audio of "Man Stuck In Box"
posted by by Robb Allen @ 12/15/2004 10:57:00 AM | Feedback (3)
Frank answers Kevin "Drummer Boy" Drum's stupid question 4) On a related note, which do you think is more important to the Bush administration in the short term: preservation of a stable oil supply from the Middle East or spreading freedom and liberty throughout the region? .... I say oil is more important to the Bush administration... or at least I hope it is. Ever try running your car on a democratic Middle East? Frank J. - Not just for breakfast anymore!
posted by by Robb Allen @ 12/9/2004 9:53:00 AM | Feedback (0)
Holy shit, that's a lot of lint!And am I really getting that tubby?
posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/30/2004 1:38:00 PM | Feedback (3)
PW: Christ! Why do I even bother? I bet you people don't even know who Richard Brautigan, Leif Garret, or Kobayashi Issa were.Macintosh Apple: *
posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/29/2004 2:19:00 PM | Feedback (2)
The amazing things you can find online at TargetHow to Good-Bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way? Hiroyuki Nishigaki     The reviews are in and we have a holiday winner!Reviewer: twomartinis2 from Charlotte, NC United States This book will blow your mind, not to mention your O-ring! I have learned so much control by reading this book. I can now accurately launch cherry stones into my wastebasket; and its not even near my...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/27/2004 9:21:00 AM | Feedback (1)
Why haven't I heard about the Time Cube until so late in my life? It is beyond my power to explain Time Cube, so I shall give you an excerpt from the site. Time Cube is "T.O.E.", theory of everything. Time, Life and Truth are Cubic Principles, a natural creation of ineffable opposites. It requires no brain to believe in a word god or to be educated by one, but it requires the wisdom of opposites to know both are fake. Caltech professors practice obscurantism and can not ever allow...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/23/2004 1:08:00 PM | Feedback (1)
Today, in a meeting while everyone's focus was on me, I had to scratch my nipple.No one even batted an eye.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/23/2004 11:13:00 AM | Feedback (0)
The Mrs. just sent me another test picture....
posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/22/2004 11:05:00 AM | Feedback (3)
The Big Trunk over at Power Line has a suggestionAccording to the Washington Post, Mohammad Alanssi, the bearded gent shouting "Allah" outside the White House yesterday, was an FBI informant, and his self-immolation was a protest of the conditions of his employment: "Terror informant ignites himself near White House." If the Michael Moore brigades had any decency, they would follow this gentleman's inspirational example and express their death wish via destructive acts confined to themselves....
posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/16/2004 12:07:00 PM | Feedback (0)
Alberto Gonzales has been named as John Ashcroft's successor to the Attorney General. Sharp as a Marble, due to a miscommunication from our news desk, accidentally reported that the post would be going to Speedy Gonzales.Please disregard any previous reports. We are sorry for any confusion we may have caused. The spokesmouse for Señor Gonzales assures us Speedy is still in stable condition at the Home for Cartoon Hasbeens and not able to perform at children's parties much less the role of A.G.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/10/2004 1:58:00 PM | Feedback (1)
I don't know if women experience this, but as a guy I've noticed this thing I call "The Shitter Sniff". It works like this. Invariably, every time I walk into a bathroom and someone is birthing a litter of tapered brown snakes in a stall, they will, upon hearing the restroom door open, elicit a loud 'sniff' as if to mark their territory. It's audio shorthand for "Don't jiggle the stall door man, I'm busy in here."Guys at the urinal do no such thing as there is generally very little worry...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/4/2004 3:34:00 PM | Feedback (9)
You won't find John Kerry in either on Christmas!Hat Tip WindyCity over at Ace of Spade's
posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/3/2004 6:21:00 PM | Feedback (1)
Tampa, Fl -  Early exit polls for the Sharp as a Marble household show Bush leading Kerry by a whopping 100% margin (with 50% of the family reporting). Reached for comment, the Kerry campaign complained "That's because the SaaM council won't allow the dog, cat, or the 2 year old to vote. It's a travesty."When asked, Robb Allen, author of the popular web blog Sharp as a Marble said "The dog  and two year old are definitely Bush supporters. I'm not sure about the cat,...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/2/2004 12:29:00 PM | Feedback (2)
Poughkeepsie, NY - Filmaker Michael Moore has recently filed a lawsuit claiming copyright infringement against Al-Qaeda CEO Osama Bin Laden."This recent video released by the Al Qaeda organization is a blatant rip-off of my film Fahrenheit 9/11," said Moore during a Northeastern Pork & Beef B-B-Q festival in New York. "I have worked hard for years developing my own personal style of anti-Americanism. To plagiarize my film as a thinly veiled threat against America is...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 11/1/2004 10:36:00 AM | Feedback (2)
Political Bohemian Rhapsody. Not Quite "This Land" but still quite a hoot.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/28/2004 1:48:00 PM | Feedback (0)
Frank J. was on a radio broadcast the other day. He's just as funny to listen to as to read (although I found him to sound a bit shorter than I thought). However, has always remained an enigma as to what IMAO stands for. International Monkey Assassination Organization? Internal Ministry of Anal-retentive Octogenarian? Who knew?Just like Sampson got his strength from his locks of hair (much like John Edwards), Frank's comedic prowess came from the mystery surrounding the IMAO...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/13/2004 9:20:00 AM | Feedback (0)
I mean, where else does he think would it come from?Maybe this was what he was looking for?
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/7/2004 10:35:00 AM | Feedback (2)
So I'm having a dickens of a time with my clutch on my Wrangler. I'm losing clutch fluid and I can't get the damn thing into gear. So, I decided to go ahead and drop her off at my local mechanic. In order to beat the rush, I dropped her off when they opened at 7:30. That of course meant I did not have a fully conscious wife available to come pick me up.So, I decided I'd be smart. I'd take my P.O.S. laptop with me and read my e-book copy of Slackernomics from Dale Franks (of Q and O blog...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 10/7/2004 8:13:00 AM | Feedback (1)
Claims Kerry dilutes trademark "two face" lookYeehaw Junction, Fl. - Associated Marble Press has learned that Janus, the Roman god with two faces whose name gives us January, has filed a lawsuit against presidential candidate John Forbes Kerry. The lawsuit claims that Kerry's positions on Iraq, taxes, ownership of Chinese assault rifles, and war voting record have caused consumer brand confusion."Janus is deeply upset at his recent numbers," said M. Hermes, spokesperson for the gods....
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/28/2004 10:31:00 AM | Feedback (0)
Clerk: Would you like some coffee sir?Kerry: When I was in Viet Nam, we didn't get coffee. We had to kill the Viet Cong and take theirs, and most of the time it was cold because in Viet Nam, they didn't drink it hot. When I got back to the States, and this may or may not have been during Christmas, I dropped a cup of java on my lap and it was seared - seared I tell you - into my thighs. I don't want any of that, and I believe this is correct, foam. Now Bush wants to give tax breaks to rich...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/24/2004 12:48:00 PM | Feedback (0)
From Middle Age Madness we learn the difference between Titanic and Bill Clinton's My Life.Titanic: $29.99 Clinton: $29.99 Titanic: Over 3 hours to read Clinton: Over 3 hours to read Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe Titanic: Jack is a starving artist Clinton: Bill is a bullshit artist Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar Clinton: Ditto for Bill...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/21/2004 3:06:00 PM | Feedback (0)
*** MUST GIVE CREDIT CARD NUMBER TO SHARP AS A MARBLE ***Tampa, FL. - The White House today refused to answer questions about a popular photo released by the Bush campaign regarding Bush and his TANG service. "Bush absolutely fulfilled his commitment to TANG", White House spokesman Scott McClelland said during a press conference today. "The photos are accurate and we have no reason to question their authenticity."However, within hours of the photos release, various web logs, or "Internet...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/20/2004 9:23:00 PM | Feedback (11)
This morning on the Bob & Tom show, they were talking with a guy who had worked for Microsoft for a while dressing up like a pirate to promote Microsoft's Anti-Piracy agenda at tradeshows.Classic line...A pirate as the mascot for anti-piracy? That's like a pro-life hanger.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/17/2004 1:01:00 PM | Feedback (0)
My daughter received this little aquarium night light for her birthday today. It was made in China and the wording on the box was hilarious Engrish. Check out this jewel
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/11/2004 9:32:00 PM | Feedback (0)
...if this is your idea of a jacked up ride. (click for full size)I saw this on the way to the in-laws and had to stop to get a picture. At least they weren't low profile tires, but still...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/7/2004 10:26:00 PM | Feedback (0)
With Frances bearing down upon us so quickly after Charlie had his way, I have been thinking a lot lately on how we can deal with hurricanes.  I now know why the hurricanes always seem to hit us. Two words: Trailer Parks!The main thing I've realized is that God has something against trailer parks. Have you noticed how tornadoes and hurricanes always seem to go for the jugular at trailer parks? Armed with this knowledge, I made the following observations:Notice how the path of Frances has...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 9/2/2004 11:56:00 AM | Feedback (0)
I realize most of my 3 or 4 readers already read The Puppy Blender but this was too important to pass up.It seems like the Swifties are the darlings of the Right because they slam Kerry's service, but it seems this tactic is backfiring. Watch this ad and see why the 527's need to be stopped.{And not that he needs it, but here's Glenn's frickin' trackback}
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/31/2004 11:44:00 AM | Feedback (3)
10. Tivo the entire Facts of Life series and count the number of times Natalie sneaks off stage for a twinkie break (double checking for accuracy!)9. Take a ball peen hammer to my incisors and upper bicuspids8. Prank phone call Jeff G. repeatedly. Ask him if "everything's kosher", cackle loudly, then hang up.7. Rewrite the entire Patriot Act in ig-pay atin-lay.6.  Volunteer for Mall Security duty. Show up in full fatigues and ask when do I get to pepper spray some...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/30/2004 1:50:00 PM | Feedback (4)
Now this is something I absolutely must get. Scott Ott of ScrappleFace fame is one of the funniest writers on the scene. I can write just as funny, but my last name isn't 3 letters long and doesn't rhyme with my first name so I'm automatically disqualified from writing humor. That and Frank J. got the last of the comic licenses given out in Florida.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/23/2004 6:10:00 PM | Feedback (0)
From Dean EsmaySam (mail) (www):And re: Captain Planet - I can't believe the makers of this ecowarrior propaganda piece actually thought casting Whoopi Goldberg as Gaia, the Spirit of the Earth made me want to do anything other than pour crude oil on seagulls i've caught in my plastic sixpack rings and then roasting them on a styrofoam bonfire. I remember I watched the show as a kid, but only because they replaced He-Man with it.8.18.2004 3:11am You go Sam!
posted by by Robb Allen @ 8/18/2004 10:29:00 AM | Feedback (0)
Sigh....Maybe I'll just make this blog a collection of my comments from other blogs. Damn, I forgot about 'context'. Never mind.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/27/2004 4:36:00 PM | Feedback (2)
"Testicle" and "Piñata"
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/26/2004 2:23:00 PM | Feedback (0)'ve been like this before. The object is to keep the drunk guy walking. Use your mouse to help him stay upright. Too far either way and he's taking a cement nap.It's in German, but there's nothing needed to translate, really.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/26/2004 12:51:00 PM | Feedback (0)
Wow. And you think we have problems casting votes?
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/19/2004 2:29:00 PM | Feedback (0)
Over at the Captain's Quarters, there's a discussion on how tax payers are going to have to start paying the health costs associated with obesity. I strongly am against this. However, I just wanted to point out one of those priceless comments that makes blogs so much funThe cost of "treating" Michael Moore alone will be staggering.And that's just mental health treatment. Imagine the obesity treatment!Posted by: Jerry at July 16, 2004 07:29 AM
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/16/2004 2:30:00 PM | Feedback (2)
For both sides of the political fence, I offer this hilarious flash movie from Jib Jab. How nice to be able to laugh at both parties at the same time!The Bill Clinton / Hillary part made me shoot coffee out my nose!{h/t Misha}
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/11/2004 8:12:00 AM | Feedback (0)
The dark green ones are Jalapeño, not Watermelon.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/10/2004 12:40:00 PM | Feedback (2)
 Hat Tip Wizbang for the original image
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/4/2004 10:04:00 PM | Feedback (2)
Laurence strings a bunch of one liners about children's games together - hilarity ensues
posted by by Robb Allen @ 7/3/2004 1:14:00 PM | Feedback (0)
Recently, there's been an uproar over the recent release of Jack and Jeri (of Star Trek fame) Ryan's divorce papers against both parties' consent. It was said that the divorce papers had information that would be useful to voters as they try to determine who to vote for. John Kerry, a Viet Nam veteran, is trying to ensure that the records of his divorce from his first wife, Julia Thorne, are not released under similar circumstances. Well, my crack team of investigative reporters has...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/30/2004 12:50:00 PM | Feedback (21)
You know, no one ever has accused Bush of being the intellectual type, but this takes the cake. I mean, One Hand Clapping thinks it's an honest mistake, and although the meaning is similar, it really looks like Bush flubbed this up as well. It is also of course totally feasible that he wrote it in a hurry and simply goofed up, but it doesn't help his image of having an IQ just slightly above soft butter at all.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/29/2004 4:02:00 PM | Feedback (2)
OMG! Like Michelle “I'm hot, conservative, and a damn good writer” Malkin just mentioned me!!! Well, not directly, but she mentioned Hobb-ling which is a phrase I coined. I tell you, my rise to fame and fortune is happening right now. In the TTLB ecosystem, I'm like a parasitic pest or something. Watch out Puppy Blender, before you know it, I'll be on your heels! Indeed!
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/23/2004 10:14:00 PM | Feedback (0)
Scott Ott reaches out beyond the heavens and touches the face of......Clinton
...Read More
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/22/2004 11:46:00 AM | Feedback (0)
Scott Ott get's inside coverage of Bush's actual speech regarding Clinton.
...Read More
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/15/2004 10:18:00 AM | Feedback (0)
When you think your life sucks, consider being pelted with a chalupa.
...Read More
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/8/2004 3:34:00 PM | Feedback (0)
President Fumbletongue Saw that for the first time today in comments over at Asymmetrical Information where someone compared W. speaking ability to Reagan's. How apropos!
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/7/2004 3:53:00 PM | Feedback (1)
Separated at birth?
...Read More
posted by by Robb Allen @ 6/3/2004 1:46:00 PM | Feedback (4)
Well, the season is over for Fox's 24. Jack is still alive, Chase isn't going to be winning any contests that involve clapping, and Tony will be busy coordinating people making car tags. All in all, the season started out real strong, but got a little wacky toward the end. For those of you who've never seen the show, each show is 1 hour and happens in real time. Because of this, here is what I have learned! LA is a small town with little traffic. You can get from any two points via car...
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/26/2004 1:19:00 PM | Feedback (1)
{as of 15:46 EST} More Here: 4Heh: 3Indeed: 2RTWT: 1
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/14/2004 3:49:00 PM | Feedback (0)
This blog should answer that question.
posted by by Robb Allen @ 5/13/2004 10:49:00 AM | Feedback (3)

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