10. At least makes the offer of candy 9. After molesting you, he won’t rifle through your possessions looking for something to confiscate 8. If Creepy Van Guy is on break, you can still go play on the playground 7. Creepy Van Guy uses fresh gloves 6. Creepy Van won’t give you cancer 5. Creepy Van Guy will let you bring more than 3oz of liquid with you 4. He knows he’s creepy and has the potential to feel bad about it 3. No PSA on TV trying to tell you how good Creepy Van Guy really is 2. Creepy Van Guy’s actions are not financed by public taxes
And the number one reason Creepy Van Guy is better than the TSA
1. You are morally justified in using lethal force against someone trying to molest you. With Creepy Van Guy, you just won’t go to jail for doing it.