I remember the pep talk Gunnery Sargent Alpo gave us like it was yesterday. We had been patrolling the dates and grains market in Diwaniyeh for weeks. After months of hard work, the coalition had finally convinced a large enough portion of the populace to fight back against thieves and insurgents and the resulting drop in attacks and crime bore the fruit of that long struggle.
“Superior Tactics!” yelled Gunny Alpo. “We will use superior tactics to continue to keep the terrorists at bay!”
Most of the green soldiers looked uncomfortable, but those of us who had been with Gunny for a while knew the man was a tactical genius.
“Sir, how exactly does this work?” asked Private Parts. Parts was the newest member to our team and thus the least likely to understand brilliance when he saw it.
“It’s easy, “ said Gunny. “We will conceal our weaponry under our uniforms. I’ve been reading the internet, and it has become clear to me that us walking around with our weapons exposed provides very little deterrent effect. Criminals and insurgents are only cowed in fear when they don’t actually know if someone is armed or not. It is that unknowing that is their downfall. They will question if those they attack will have the ability to fight back or not. If they are unsure, they will call off their attack. Their sense of self-preservation will cause them no end of consternation. If we are visibly armed, however, it will drive them to attack immediately without fear of us killing them DRT!”
“DRT?” asked Private Parts. He wasn’t the sharpest marble in the bag, that is for sure.
“Dead Right There!” barked Gunny Alpo. Parts of his cigar he was chewing splattered the privates in the front row.
“Gunny, I have a question, “ asked Corporal Crunch, a seasoned vet whose father was a Captain in the Navy. “Don’t our uniforms indicate some level of armament? Is it possible that the deterrent effect you speak of comes from the possibility we could be armed?”
“That’s a damn fine observation Crunch!” yelled the Gunny. Gunnery Sargent Alpo had two volumes, loud and louder. “In fact, I think we might even change tactics. I remember a few forums talking about just the very thing! We will dress in plain, civilian clothing. Barnes and Noble, you two will dress in burqa for diversity. Dewey, Cheatem, and Howe, you will wear a yishamagh and a dishdash and take point. The rest of us will wear a blend of traditional and western styled clothing and blend in!”
“Excuse me Gunny, “ meekly asked Private Parts, “but don’t a lot of locals carry their weapons slung over their shoulders?”
“PARTS! “ bellowed the Gunny, veins bulging out of the side of his head. “We are talking tactical superiority here! It is the lack of a visible means of self defense that scares the criminal element. By not appearing to be armed we will scare them away. Some blog talked about a book “More Guns, Less Crime, Unless the Guns Can Be Seen, Then There Is More Crime” and I’m inclined to believe what I read online!”
Parts cowered, mollified by the unassailable logic of the Gunnery Sargent.
He was a great man, Gunnery Sargent Alpo. I will forever remember the look of determination as he struggled to get his M4 out from underneath his robe to battle the insurgents who had avoided the other armed civilians and fell right into our trap. We lost many a man that day, but the lesson was clear. Only by hiding our weapons do we deter any sort of violence!