This morning, on the way to work, I was thinking about the awesome knife I saw at Blackhawk, the Harkins Triton. The problem is I'm not able to buy one as I'm not a law enforcement officer or emergency medical technician.
You see, the stiletto style knives have inner parts that contain mind controlling springs that force the owner to randomly stab people, especially those with disabilities. Sure, you could stab people with other knives that are larger or conceal a folding knife just as easily, but those kinds of knives simply do not contain the mind-rays that coerce the carrier into murdering minorities.
Driving around in an ambulance or police cruiser apparently dulls the impulse beams. I can't tell you how many times I've seen an episode of COPS where the arresting officer was gravely injured because he only had a utility knife and not a switchblade.
I don't blame Blackhawk. While I'm legally able to own a out-in-front blade here in the Sunshine state, many places do not allow them, and I find that puzzling. I would bet it comes from the thought process that, like brass knuckles, only criminals would be interested in using them. Too bad that's not true and rights have to be trampled out of irrational fear.
Of course, the $450 price tag is enough to keep me from owning it even if they allowed sales to felons and senators, but still.