They say a dull knife is the most dangerous thing in a kitchen

The sharp ones ain't nothing to scoff at either. Take for example, my thumb, hidden under this… Not my day for staying pain free, I guess.

posted @ 3/1/2010 5:44:52 PM | Feedback (16)

Agony

Slept wrong last night and apparently aggravated this sucker Can barely move right now and it hurts so bad the pain is radiating down my arm and up into my head. Naproxen Sodium hasn't done squat, and now I can't take anything else for the day. Damn. And how are you?

posted @ 3/1/2010 8:34:33 AM | Feedback (10)

A work in progress

My hair is a strange beast. On top of my head it's so thick, it gives scissors trouble, yet I'm not hairy at all. Growing facial hair is a slow, arduous process that involves weeks of looking scruffy. There are certain areas on my face that refuse to grow hair, and therefore my beard has been trimmed over the years to deal with this phenomena. I tried growing a moustache over a decade ago and gave up when I had my driver's license picture taken with it – and I looked like I would have a hard...

posted @ 2/16/2010 1:17:00 PM | Feedback (16)

Tolerance

A few weeks ago, I was flossing and managed to pop out a filling on a molar. Didn't hurt, but it was uncomfortable to chew. I put in some of that temporary filling stuff, but it only lasts a few days at best and food would constantly get jammed between the teeth, making the gum sore as hell. The soonest I could get the appointment was today, which kind of sucked because at the time I made the appointment, I had insurance. Now, I'm temporarily self insured during my probationary period at he...

posted @ 12/10/2009 8:15:08 PM | Feedback (12)

Well, that'd explain it

MRI picture clearly shows the herniated disc, or as it's listed on the report Central disc protrusion contacting the spinal cord at C5-6 Yeah, it friggin' hurts.

posted @ 9/21/2009 6:24:35 PM | Feedback (10)

Electroshock therapy

I'm not 100% on board with chiropractors. It's not that I don't believe realigning the bones doesn't work, it's that I don't think snapping your neck and spine can cure everything from backaches to athlete's foot. However, with my neck going haywire, the doctor suggested I try it out and get some therapy since it doesn't seem to be responding to the drugs. So, I made an appointment yesterday. Here's the funny thing – I wasn't a patient, but I called and got an appointment on the same day. So...

posted @ 7/28/2009 7:55:15 AM | Feedback (8)

If at first your don't succeed

Apparently you are supposed to try stronger drugs. Went to the doc yesterday regarding my neck problem which has not only made no significant improvement, the pain started moving down my back (I think out of compensation). They had me do some x-rays to make sure it wasn't anything boneular or whatnot, but they were pretty sure it was just one hellaciously kinked up muscle, so they amped up the drugs. In addition to the muscle relaxers, I was given Naproxen Sodium that is better measured in...

posted @ 7/15/2009 7:29:26 AM | Feedback (5)

This is a pretty good representative of the massage I just got

an experience beyond limits... pain and pleasure, indivisible The guy took one look at my back and explained exactly how I sit at work. Each muscle he tried to rip off from its insertion point he'd name and indicated where it used to go (in case I ever wanted to try to push it back). One minute I'd be wincing from the pain (and I have a very high pain threshold) and the next instant I was almost falling asleep. Each time he'd work on a spot, he'd tell me what he was doing, why, and to...

posted @ 6/24/2009 2:45:00 PM | Feedback (4)

Birds of a feather

Traction Control doesn't like Novocain. Deep Scaling - a dental cleaning procedure that uses ultrasound to remove tarter below the gum line is frequently offered with multiple visits (one per quadrant) and various pain killers being administered in the process. Imagine my surprise when my ‘Deep Scaler’ asked if I wanted the ‘pain killer’ shots. “Nope”, said I, “Do all four quadrants today and skip the pain killer stuff.” Same here. I'm not a masochist, but I find the pain from...

posted @ 5/7/2009 7:36:50 AM | Feedback (5)

I did it AGAIN

I need to by a beard trimmer with an attachment that stays… attached. I'm sporting a goatee again since 1/2way through trimming last night the guard came off and I ended up with a 2" wide swath of shorn skin. It takes me weeks to grow this crap back out. Maybe one day I'll hit puberty and be able to grow a beard overnight like everyone else.

posted @ 3/17/2009 8:29:51 AM | Feedback (3)

Extreme doses of Pseudophed and caffeine

During my vacation I developed a 'dysfunctional Eustachian tube' which hurt like hell. Got proscribed some Flonase and told to take 120mg of Pseudophed to reduce the swelling in my sinuses and alleviate the pressure difference. Well, mix the Pseudophed (I'm only take the normal dose of 60mg) with a metric shit load of coffee and sit back and wonder where all the pretty colors are coming from. Geez. Really, why do people go through all that hassle of mixing pseudoephedrine with match sticks and...

posted @ 1/6/2009 7:59:57 AM | Feedback (4)

Under the weather

Unfortunately, my depression has decided to show back up, crushing my spirit and sucking every last happy thought right out of my skull. Oddly, as horrific as depression is, I'm still not receiving commands from my gun collection to fellate a muzzle and play fast and loose with the Four Rules. My mini-arsenal is so disappointing. In an amazing twist of irony, the same brain that decided life sucks and that I should just mope around like an angst ridden teenager apparently has decided that a...

posted @ 11/12/2008 9:53:28 AM | Feedback (12)

Fun with modern dentistry

So I just had a tooth fixed, finally, which is of great relief to myself. I literally sheared a tooth on the side and the little crack would collect food like a squirrel harvesting nuts for the winter. It sucked having to tote around floss all the time. Anywho, today was the day to get it fixed. My appt. was at 5, which was nice since I didn't have to take any time off and didn't have to rush all the way home (I work 45 minutes away from where I live). I didn't get taken back until 5:45, but...

posted @ 4/23/2008 9:54:48 PM | Feedback (3)

Three shy

Gah! Just weighed myself at Publix. I'm 3 pounds short of my all time record of 218 pounds. Still, being 6'3", 215 isn't a bad weight. But it's kind of scary from the 205 I was before Thanksgiving.

posted @ 1/4/2008 2:09:06 PM | Feedback (4)

Well, you've certainly come to the right place!

From a recent search query to SaaM However, unfortunately I'm a prude and I shan't show you.

posted @ 9/12/2007 1:08:05 PM | Feedback (1)

A true work of art

So, I'm relaxing in the ladies' room, 'dropping off some friends at the community pool' when I hear the main door slam open, followed by hurried footsteps. I know this sound. It is the sound of a man who is five seconds from needing a shower and a clean set of boxers. Oddly, mixed in with the sounds of discomfort and unbuckling pants is a slight, beeping noise. A familiar sound. One of a cellphone dialing a number. The man in stall #1 actually made a phone call during a bout of explosive...

posted @ 9/27/2006 9:58:56 AM | Feedback (3)

It's official!!!

The doctor confirmed it – I’m now half the man I used to be!!!* Oh happy day!

posted @ 10/10/2005 11:53:00 AM | Feedback (4)

The vasectomy tomorrow will not be live-blogged

Which I'm sure all of you will be very happy about. But this is more due to the fact that (a) they don't have WiFi at the doc's office and (b) even if they did it would require a laptop. And since my lap will be a little inconvenient place to put anything during the procedure..... Despair not, though. I'll keep mental notes for later posting. *This post actually forced me to make a new category – TMI. Enjoy!

posted @ 8/11/2005 12:59:00 PM | Feedback (0)

My first and quite possibly last post about my penis.

I love my penis. We've been through a lot together. We’ve had our ups and downs, and being that his eyesight isn’t as good as mine, we’ve had quite a few disagreements as to exactly where he should venture. I regret that he’s managed to slip me a beer or two and win some of those arguments. Anyway, my wife and I seem to be blessed with a high degree of fertility. After my second daughter, it has come to my attention that it would be best if my penis wasn’t quite...

posted @ 8/8/2005 3:41:00 PM | Feedback (8)

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